http://news.yahoo.com/transsexual-makes-debut-polish-parliament-112632519.html
;-)
Bring on the Polish jokes
By jvolstad Follow Tue, 8 Nov 2011, 1:25pm 2,254 views 13 comments
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Maybe the twos of them can pair up on the next dancing with the stars. Wait a minute, if they hit it off and marry, would that make them both straight again?
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The GOP says
In plain English yes. Its always fun to see how many ex-bloc countries have already surpassed the USA in freedom. The only reason people find this stuff funny anymore is we are still a nation of homophobic frat boys. When you think of the fact that even a young petite transwoman who passes perfectly doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell in high government here; no wonder the politicians have their way with the general population. We get so caught up with such stupid trite shit we don't see who is really fucking us.
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a
sign on top of their car which said:
Two Prostitutes - $50.00.
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and
told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.'
One of the girls asked the officer,
'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled,
'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter --$50
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A man drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-70, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
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elliemae says
Oh boy, you are going to need a pair of these to deal with the inevitable leg-humping.
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elliemae says
What is the difference between a brick & a blonde ?
After you lay a brick, it stops following you .
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Difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.
Difference between garbage and a blonde?
Sometimes garbage gets picked up.
(They were actually Jewish-american Princess jokes, but I changed them to blonde.) Here's the best JAP joke - and very offensive - but seriously funny anyway:
How do you make a Jewish woman scream?
Screw her hard on the floor, then wipe your dick on the curtains.
:)
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- How do you call a blond coloring her hair dark?
- AI.
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Full Disclosure: Elliemae is blonde.
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
WATCHDOGS
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
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Full disclosure... I'm 1/4 Polish (my paternal grandmother) and I grew up in Chicago where there are more Poles than there are in Warsaw.
Anyway...
A man walks into a bar in Chicago and orders a glass of Polish vodka. As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish vodka. Since I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from Lech Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
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Simcha:
A Jewish man & a Chinese Man are sitting at a bar, getting drunker & drunker. Finally the Jewish man stands up and punches out the Chinese guy.
He gets up off the floor and asks, "What was that?" The Jewish guy says, "That was for Pearl Harbor." The Chinese guy says, "Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
The Jewish guy says, "Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same to me."
They start drinking again, all the sudden the Chinese guy gets up and punches out the Jewish guy, knocks him off his chair. The Jewish guy gets up and asks, "What the hell was that for?" The Chinese guy says, "That was for the Titanic."
"The titanic? It was hit by an iceberg!!!"
The Chinese guy says, "Iceberg, Goldberg... It's all the same to me."
(I think I've told this one here before, but I still love it)
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A man is hiking, becomes stranded in the desert in the heat of summer. He's thirsty and becoming dehydrated... and night falls. So he kills a desert tortoise, eats the meat and uses the shell to catch the morning dew. He's rescued later that day.
But he did kill an endangered animal, so he is taken to court. The judge lets him go with a warning, explaining that he understands there are extenuating circumstances - but as an aside he asks, "I've always been curious - what does a desert tortoise taste like?"
The guy replies, "Halfway between a spotted owl and a bald eagle."
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Thanks bmwman91. I see that you believe that a "BMW" is an automobile - 'round these parts, a "BMW" is a Yukon or Suburban or other huge-ass SUV - stands for "Big Mormon Wagon!"
I received this in the email today:
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, .the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.