He shot himself when he found out that his wife (of only a couple of years) was leaving him for someone else. His (now ex) wife is selling the house and leaving the country. If I see an open house, should I ask the realtor if the house is haunted? It's listing price is easily more then 100K over the going rate for that area.
Just found out that a friend of mine killed himself
By zzyzzx Follow Fri, 25 May 2012, 7:53am 2,655 views 32 comments
In Baltimore MD 21201
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Davis, CA
I never understand this sort of thing. Terrible temporary problems with a permanent solution.
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Saint George, UT
elliemae's website
when someone is so "sick" that they would consider this option, they aren't thinking about anything at all. It's a horrible, rarely rational process.
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Baltimore, MD
When I was looking at the real estate listing it has tons of pictures and I kept wondering which room he did it in.
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Monterey, CA
Stupid Lemmings says
It was a very strange post.
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Actually the reason I would even care is because (and our other mutual friends agree) that we don't like the idea if his wife getting everything when it's at least partially her fault. He did have at least one sibling it could have gone to. I'm also trying to find out what happened to his 2 cats. Presumably the wife isn't taking those with her.
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Shawnee Mission, KS
Please don't blame the wife (or partner). You don't know the whole story, like why she was leaving. It's not simply "for another man." There's always more to the story. Having said that, you as his friend have my sympathy! It's very hard to lose someone to suicide. You take care of yourself, y'hear? >>>
Used to be that a death in the house (murder, suicide) brought down the price of the house upon resale. Doesn't seem to be happening anymore. Either that's a comment on the housing market or ... ?
Good luck on the cats! I hope you can find them or what happened to them.
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46 male
Menlo Park, CA
At least there are no kids to be permanently traumatized by this, I hope.
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Boulder Creek, CA
Sad to hear.
I always thought to myself: If someone in my life was causing me so much grief that I'd want to kill myself, why wouldn't I just kill them instead?
/kidding
//not really
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maire says
This is someone I knew since 1990 and was the first friend I made when I moved to Maryland (I moved here in late 1989)
maire says
If I had to guess, they were either adopted by someone at his former office, or taken the the local shelter where they mightstill be today if they haven't been adopted. Both were declawed, so I'm guessing that if they were taken to the shelter they are probably adopted by now since even in Baltimore City shelters declawed cats don't last long. I don't see any on their webpage and the shelter is only a couple of blocks from their house so I doubt that they were taken anyplace else.
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Emeryville, CA
I've had the same thing a few times. Although I do think that most who consider that as an option and commit the act are likely mentally ill, there are some I think who do it out of heartbreak, which is rational to them, but obviously irrational when you take a longer view.
Teens have done the same out of a misplaced sense of love, or melodrama or what have you.
Sad, no matter what. If there are survivors you do care about, be there for them and be strong. They'll need it.
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CrazyMan says
I agree, but I don't think he had it in him to hurt another person. It's probably the only thing about this that makes any sense.
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I lost a good friend last year, never understood why he killed him self. I was in a bar talking to him a few weeks prior, and he kept repeating, "my life sucks Captainshuddp" I just shrugged it off, he has a high end landscaping business that generates a steady flow of checks in the mail every day he checks the mail. Literally $2500 in deposits every single day.
He married a girl that was strung out on oxies and gave birth to a girl that only lived a week the year before. I understood the loss of the daughter hurting, but I didn't understand why he didn't just kick Liz to the curb.
He just kept saying "My life sucks". I wish I took him more seriously. I've known plenty of people with that daily affirmation, but they don't off them selves.
Now I have another friend who just lost his wife to lung cancer. The kick in the pants is, for the last five years, all they guy has done was bitch about her. Whining about their loveless marriage, and how he would like to buy her out and have an amicable divorce. Never acted on it, just constantly moaned about her. Then last year she was diagnosed with cancer, and his tune changed(understandably they've been together since they were 16 and they are in their 50's now.)
She finally passes about a month ago, and he is distraught and now he keeps saying over and over "My life sucks Captainshuddp"
This time I'm like hey if you keep saying that, I'm going to have you baker acted. It would really suck if you did your self in, after throwing me these warnings every time I talk to you. He assures me he wont, because his daughters and what not.
But still I feel compelled to call him everyday to make sure he's still answering the phone.
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Santa Cruz, CA
Interesting stuff. The most stressed out people are often men who are trying to do lots of things and still please a woman. Women will object to my comment, of course.
I know two guys who got stressed out and burned out. Women leaving them was the frosting on the cake and they slowly self-destructed.
I however would not blame women. I blame men for believing the myth that a woman will be faithful, supportive, or not commit adultery.
Take women at face value and you won't be disappointed. They can be nice people or mean, but in general, they wish to have your money mystically fly out of your wallet and buy something they like, or help them in some way, or make their lives more secure, in addition to helping their parents and of course your children.
There are no exceptions that I have ever seen.
It's woman's nature however, and this is not to blame her, she can't help her instincts any more than a man can.
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Shawnee Mission, KS
clambo, LOL! you're lookin' for love in all the wrong places. And you're off topic.
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Shawnee Mission, KS
zzyzzx, last fall I found a homeless couple with a dog at a local park. The woman was very ill. Long story short, they found a place they could rent but had to give up the dog. When I heard this, I went looking for the dog. Never did find it so hope it was adopted. Did end up with another rescue. Sometimes, all you can do is all you can do.
CaptainShuddup, any chance you can get him into a doc? He needs help and if it's chemical help, go for it. Whatever works. It's just damn hard to lose a spouse after a long and good marriage even if the last years were spent nursing them.
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Santa Cruz, CA
maire, it was the topic. You are of course a woman telling me whether I can post on topic or not, but you don't decide and I didn't ask permission.
I do find love in the oddest places :)
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Shawnee Mission, KS
clambo, the subject was a friend who lost his wife to suicide with the possible cause that the wife left him. You condemned all women and used a broad (no pun intended) brush. I felt and still do sorry for you.
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clambo says
Next you'll be asking for the widow's contact information so you can comfort her.
Stay classy!
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if you have a death wish why not use it to take out some evil bastard like the guy who shot john lennon or casey anthony. i am sure there are plenty to choose from
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Boulder Creek, CA
GS and MS execs then out with a blaze of glory.
Quite frankly I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet.
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Roslyn, NY
zzyzzx says
Make sure they fully disclose to all buyers that it is a stigmatized property.
Depending in the state, they are required by law to disclose whenever their has been a recent suicide or murder.
Make sure they do. That heartless big cock craving perverted superficial bitch should get the least amount of money possible from the sale of the property.
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maire says
Take your feminist bs elsewhere.
She's a bitch, period. She should be blamed.
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Shawnee Mission, KS
LOL! Robber Baron Elite Scum, if you're a member of the banking aristocracy, you just lost 50% of the human race with whom to do business.
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Shawnee Mission, KS
RBES, such vitriol. Myyyy, my. Some nasty little girl take your sucker away?
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Santa Cruz, CA
maire, I didn't condemn women, I described them. I said men should not take the whole thing so seriously, women don't.
Want to know if a woman loves you? You're a fool to want to know such things in the first place ;)
Don't take what I say so seriously, and by all means, do NOT feel sorry for me.
Men want to have sex with all of them, but we actually love only several women in our lifetimes. For some men, losing the object of their affection has a huge impact on them making them depressed.
But in the overall scheme of things, it's best not to be too upset when she inevitably 1. loses her looks 2. tries to trade up from you if she has her looks
A lonely 40-something single lady who works in Sunnyvale in high tech is gonna buy dinner for me tonight.
I'll listen to your problems for a good meal, but I won't meet your cats.
Vicente, I am always classy.
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Patrick says
No kids. His parents are also both dead, and I think he has a sister in Texas. I'm reasonably sure that he has cousins in the area (I think he mentioned them once and I would assume that at least some of them are still in the area in another part of town).
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Feminism was funded by us robber barons so you useless sluts work at our sweatshops, factories and companies.
Women in the work force was the greatest thing we ever implemented as a social experiment on you useless peasants... hahahaha
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zzyzzx says
So, in your opinion it's her fault? At least partially, you assume.
Isn't it possible that he didn't meet her needs? That she tried, and he tried, but they weren't compatible? That they couldn't work it out, and she left because they were both unhappy?
Is it possible that he was in a deep depression that he couldn't shake and she couldn't take it any longer? I'm assuming that he had relationships before he met her - and that they too had run their course. That he wasn't able to save this one, just as he hadn't been able to save the previous ones... not her fault nor the fault of "the woman." It takes two and we don't know. All that we know is that he killed himself (so you say), so he didn't care if the world knew what was happening inside his tortured mind.
If she's his heir, she gets his stuff. It goes both ways - I've seen separated couples have one of them die and the other gets the stuff... and the families are outraged. But if the deceased had wanted it any other way, he/she would have written a new will.
Robber Baron Elite Scum:
You've too many words in your name. May I address you by your last name only? It fits.
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elliemae says
He was a lawyer (and a particularly good one), but had no will! That's why she gets everything. It's also one of the reasons why al his friends are having trouble understanding this.
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elliemae says
Of course all of these things are possible, but I'll probably never know.
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Moraga, CA
Actually the fact that he was a lawyer says it all - high drug use, high rates of depression etc; It's a very negative profession - I've personally never known a happy lawyer. My condolences for your loss.
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elliemae's website
Lawyers a screwed up people, just the same as everyone else. We all have a reason to sit on a psychiatrist's couch. Just some of us need to spend more time there than others.
I am sorry for your loss. The thing is, it's not productive to look for someone to blame for this. It was his life and his death - he chose not to have a will, he chose the course of action that he took. He was "sick" mentally and there's simply no rationale for his actions, but it's not a simple cause & effect issue.
Mourn the guy, but don't obsess on the minutia. It simply isn't worth it.