WatchI can't find a more appropriate analogy.
The entire market is controlled by bug-eyed, cackling psychopaths who derive monstrous pleasure from torturing and extorting their victims, directly and through horrific inflation of market valuations which everyone pays for and by which they make new gains in their satanic enterprise.
A young family is greeted by a commission-fueled psychopath who lies to them that the place has 100 offers and in 15 minutes they'll be priced out of the market forever and the kids will grow up homeless and one spouse or another will likely - though righteously - suicide when it becomes clear they passed up their only chance for a normal life.
Then, thus terrorized, they're shoved in front of the Realtor®'s friend in the mortgage business, the psychopathic mortgage broker who announces that the family, although holding 20 percent for a downpayment, only qualifies for a subprime exploding ARM that will max out whatever fees the mortgage broker hopes to get on the deal. This freak twists the knife by making vague threats that if they turn down his generous offer, he will report that they were turned down for the note and fuck their credit forever.
The cell phone rings.
It's the Realtor®. There are 70 other offers that just came in on the house, all over yours but the seller "really likes you people - and, hey, I do, too and we want you to get the house. Can you match the top offer. It's only $37,000 more. My mortgage guy can help you out. Of course, for this extraordinary service, I would need some compensation. It's traditional, you know."
The exploding ARM detonates and the couple are hung with a 12 percent note. The market tanks. The mortgage broker has disappeared and the Realtor® appears in the papers, convicted of fraud and extortion amounting to $120 million for which he will serve 3 months in jail. The husband overhears the Realtor® in a bar bragging about retiring to Cyprus where he has a villa with a staff and six Russian mail order brides. Bouncers stop him from plunging the jagged edge of a broken bottle into his throat. Most of the crowd cheers him on but a gun shot from the publican puts down the riot.
No one will refinance the couple. The house was grossly overpriced to begin with. The phone rings. It's a mortgage banker at one of the banks that turned them down. A friend has a short-sale consultancy that could get them out from under. A few bucks up front - but it could save your life - and we can set you up in a new place. Desperate, despairing, they sign some papers and move into a rental home that had no utilities working. They use their cells and finally the owners get the electricity turned on but the gas company refuses to return their calls.
They wait for the call about the disposition of the short sale but it never comes and they can't get the consultant on the phone. A friend calls and tells them their old house has been sold. It's in the notices in the newspaper.
The door flies open. It's the local sheriff evicting them. The house was foreclosed a year before and they're trespassing. They tell their story and the sheriff roars laughing. You're the fifth couple this week he had to tell that they'd been paying rent on a foreclosure to a scamming Realtor®.
Sheriff throws them into the street and the family is forced to sleep in their car behind the Piggly Wiggly and the children adjust admirably to eating from the same dumpster they have to defecate into.
The couple shows their copies of the paperwork to a legal aid services attorney. Every transaction they've completed has been fraudulent. Every professional committed egregious crimes.
The husband buys a hunting rifle and vows revenge. The wife can't get through to him and takes the kids and the car and sets off to her mother's house. A month later, the husband dies in a SWAT raid on the home of the original Realtor® who he managed to behead with a fireplace shovel.
In a dramatic exit strategy, he grabbed the decapitated body and used it as a shield in a dash to his car. SWAT snipers shredded him just steps from his car. The wife watched it all on TV with her mother, weeping, 'Mommy, all we wanted to do was have our own home for the kids.'
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Gentle Reader,
So, you aren't even pretending that homebuying is ANYTHING but an ass rape?
Regards,
Roidy
P.S. Just checking.
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I definitely need to add "Like" to whole threads so I can like this one. Couple of days.
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APOCALYPSEFUCK isFrank Sinatra,
Don't hold back. Tell us how you feel. And I like it.
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HEY YOU says
I had to take out the recyclables so I didn't have time for a full exposition of the criminal horror of used housing sale industry.
I'll get a couple of practice swings in before I splack out the whole story.
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Patrick says
Yay! Do I get a juice box, Pubah?
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At least in "Training Day" only the trainee got packed. But In A-Fucks story, the wife, the children, everyone gets it day after day.
You made me cry, Tony or Frank or A.F.!
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Wow, that would make for a great series on Bravo.. you could be the story writer for each episode.... sure would beat that crazy "Housewives" series...
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This is just a composite of stuff that has happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME with Realtor®s running the paper. And only one out of a million perps is seeing the inside of a jail. That's got to change. At least before Cannibal Anarchy so we can enjoy the trials and executions.
TMAC54 says
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Thanks. It's all true stuff that comes out in news reports daily. When was it, 2004 when the FBI tendered their mortgage fraud report that like 80% of what they're seeing was bogus? The big mortgage shithouses like Wells have to be dechartered and the NAR has to be disbanded and its members subject to deprogramming from their criminal mores.
Call it Crazy says
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You simplified things a lot for the masses. You need a few sequels to get it all in. You need to start from printing the fiat and go all the way to cutting off grandmas allowance. If anyone can do it, you can!
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Madison, WI
House down the street was sold for 125k, it was junk, the foundation was blown out, it needed everything, taxes like 3k.
Looks like the temporary owner was able to replace the HVAC but that's all that was done, they moved out and it's for sale at 61k.
So yeah, they'll take you for whatever your worth, that's the name of the game.
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Call it Crazy says
Hmmm. Hmmm. Actually, this is not a nuts idea. Cable has these investigate and pounce programs like the one where they bag predators who think they're going to meet with a 5 year old for sex.
There are so many cases of cut-and-dried convictions of scamming Realtors and conspiring mortgage brokers, appraisers and title guys, you could make a three-season program out of it just by clipping newspapers and interviewing the victims in a basic narrative arc.
Pubah! What do you say of 'PatNet Investigates' series pitch to Bravo and A&E about the financial crimes industries victimization of homebuyers?
Who would not tune in for 30 minutes of hate and rage directed at Realtor®s?
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Housing Prices Are Cratering says
Thanks! It is all true in terms of discrete events except for the guy with the fireplace shovel. That's just poetry for the prose. I've heard estimates of fraud that top $12 trillion. So yeah, millions directly affected, sure, it must go in the millions. Those indirectly victimized by bubble valuations - just in the states its 330 million.
Really, financial crimes of this scope are crimes against humanity.
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taxee says
I like the Bravo idea that Mr Crazy came up with. Let's see what Pubah Pat says.
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everything says
You have to wonder what possesses people - the buyers. I know the satanic forces that impel Realtor®s
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APOCALYPSEFUCK isFrank Sinatra says
If you're writing the script.... I'm watching!!!
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Obligatory:
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Theme song by Dylan?
'Ah, get born, keep warm, short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed, try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts, don't steal, don't lift
Twenty years of schooling and they put you on the day shift
Look out kid, they keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole, light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals, try to avoid the scandals
Don't want to be a bum, you better chew gum
The pump don't work because the vandals took the handles'
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Housing Prices Are Cratering says
Actually, yes, I didn't even think about that.
Just clipping the local convictions of Realtors and mortgage brokers and doing re-enactments with actors and interviews of the victims would be easy. Could write the stuff right off of the trial transcripts.
The big challenge is who could you want to get to play a Realtor?
No reason "PATNET INVESTIGATES" could cover both angles, convictions and capturing criminals at large in the field in action.
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they should have a cameo guest appearance by Casey Serin.
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elliemae's website
The story is bullshit, for several reasons:
No one gets impaled on the white picket fence.
He doesn't skull-fuck the realtor first.
The protagonist's son doesn't get to watch his daddy die in a hail of gunfire so that he can grow up to become sick & twisted.
The last scene should be the wife cashing her husband's life insurance check, then handing the cash to a realtor and signing a new stack of fraudulent loan documents. As the camera slowly fades to black, the wife and kids walk through the door of their new McMansion.
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Was looking at a foreclosure with my agent, the listing agent said the bank listed it to low & that they wouldn't take less than $30,000 over list. My agent said "BULL SHIT! Let them hold it."
It's still for sale. Some of the other comments he's made: You don't want this., This is junk., It's not worth anything at half the price.
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Hey you!
ummmmmm, I got nothin' - just felt like saying that.
Thanks.
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“Prison Rape”>?>>? wow just wow. NO IT IS NOT, there I answered your question. Does prison rape allow you to expand your real estate TYCOON EMPIRE? No indeed it does not. Does prison rape line the pockets of clever entrepreneurs also known as Realtors ™ NO again. So we can see this is more negative nancy action from the doomers. Really now, like it or not our crumbling economy is built on the sand of ponzi financing, it’s all we’ve got so maybe you should take the flag up the ass and GET OUT THERE AND BUY A HOUSE SAVE AMERICA!!!
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elliemae says
Picky! First, it's a little much to ask for a decapitation and an impalement in one denouement, n'est pas?
The victim was preparing to skull fuck the disembodied head of the criminal Realtor® when the SWAT showed up. So there!
The kid is there, cheering for the SWAT team and the expression of his derangement becomes apparent in the sequel.
So, you want to produce the series with me and Pubah?
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APOCALYPSEFUCK isFrank Sinatra says
It's even worse. There is no parole.
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?APOCALYPSEFUCK isFrank Sinatra says
Gentle Reader,
Hmm. I have one question regarding a "skull fuck" of the "criminal Realtor®" as it were. Will the victim insert pencils in the criminal Realtor®'s ears?
Regards,
Roidy
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Oh, no. The traditional skull fuck involves ripping the fuckee's eyes out and the fucker stuffing his schlong into the wet socket. It's a highly evolved form of personal insult. The scene in question was designed to exhibit the wrong party's outrage and disdain for the Realtor®.
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elliemae says
Those parts will have to be on the DVD only extra scenes.
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Mill Valley, CA
Ha - I love the humor in the OP, but I think the anger is misplaced.
90+% of the entire US mortgage market today is 'conforming' and government backed....loans are either FHA, Fannie or Freddie. These organizations exist purely to promote home ownership. Their zeal attracts and promotes aggressive behavior from realtors, agents and the mortgage folks to further their mandate.
Stop the flow of easy money from government by disbanding these GSE's and eliminating any conforming loan limits; home prices will fall. The pain to get there will be immense, but like a hangover after a good binge, it has to happen to reach normal again.
Anger at the messenger(s) should be directed to the source. To stop a snake fastest, you cut it's head off.
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If you want to blame the GSEs, then you can blame NAR. Yun is the GSEs biggest cheerleader.
From
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2011/04/21/134863027/whats-next-life-after-fannie-and-freddie
"Let's make it very clear," says Lawrence Yun, chief economist at the National Association of Realtors. "Let's have a government role, right at the front."
Here is Yun's current defense
http://economistsoutlook.blogs.realtor.org/2012/04/23/fannie-and-freddie-mistakes/
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Ruki says
By that logic, prison rape is voluntary too. The victim volunteered when they committed a crime or went to the wrong place at the wrong time.
On the other hand, maybe neither knew what they were getting into.
Once you start lying your ass off to someone, then you can't act like the other party agreed to the deal that they got.
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I'm glad someone finally mentioned that the moronic family who submitted to being ass raped due to their ignorance and lack of financial prowess is not innocent. I'm not sure there is a protagonist in this "based on a true story - made for TV docudrama. Love it anyway!
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Right, everyone needs to expect that they're being lied to by everyone in the home buying process. Of course!
But where do they go when every mortgage broker is playing the same game of only holding out high commission subprime notes?
And where do they go when every house is represented by a bug-eyed psychopath who is gaming them?
The nature of extortionate atmosphere is not based on whether or not the buyers' actions are voluntary or involuntary but by the fact that they are sequestered in a walled environment completely controlled by criminal actors.
You do understand that distinction, don't you?
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OK. Here's a analogy. I have a fish tank. I can not remove any fish from their tank (home/territory) without removing every rock in the tank first(destroying the system) because the fish are afraid of the net having been caught at least once a long time ago. So I use a little psychology. I let them get hungry for a day or two. Then I put food inside the net in the tank. At first just one bold, stupid or aggressive fish goes for it. The others watch him eating. By the end of the week they're all in the net at once feeding like nothing is going to happen.
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Madison, WI
Of course, lol, when someone (A licensed professional) is promising you the value of the home is going to continue to go up, your a naive first time home buyer, etc.
Then of course, the sky is the limit. Buy now or be priced out was a really big selling point.
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What we are witnessing is very sinister. It is the destruction of property rights as we have come to know them.
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Mandatory consumption laws and housing: http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/blogs/tumbleweed/6122948-jay-shafer-the-politics-of-tiny-houses?awt_l=OoXxE&awt_m=JqHQqdC9VauEBy
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Walnut Creek, CA
Yes, the realtor is the prison shower lover.
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Mrs. Yamamotos teeth lol.
Seriously I'm going to Japan to watch the titties bounce.