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Credit Scores and Dating...


By BayArea   Follow   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 2:11am PST   3,260 views   42 comments   Watch (1)   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like (1)   Dislike  

Now I understand why more of us will not walk away from our underwater mortgages ;-)

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/perfect-10-never-mind-ask-015017521.html

Her musings were suddenly interrupted when her date asked a decidedly unromantic question: “What’s your credit score?”

“It was as if the music stopped,” Ms. LaShawn, 31, said, recalling how the date this year went so wrong so quickly after she tried to answer his question honestly. “It was really awkward because he kept telling me that I was the perfect girl for him, but that a low credit score was his deal-breaker.”

The credit score, once a little-known metric derived from a complex formula that incorporates outstanding debt and payment histories, has become an increasingly important number used to bestow credit, determine housing and even distinguish between job candidates.

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woppa   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 12:35pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike (1)     Comment 3

That's a really shitty way of going about finding your partner in life. My gut tells me if I found the one and they ended up having a ton of student loans, I'd have to make due, but luckily I found someone with no debt instead.

BayArea   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 12:38pm PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 4

zzyzzx says

Lauren Dollard, a 26-year-old assistant at a nonprofit in Houston, said her low credit score had helped to stall her romantic plans. Her boyfriend is wary of marrying her until she can significantly pay down the more than $150,000 she owes in student loans and bolster her credit score, she said.

I wouldn't marry someone with 150K in student debt.

What a terrible outlook! I will take a $150k in school loans and someone who invested in themselves and their education over someone who didn't with no school loans. The long run looks brighter with the first option IMHO

woppa   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 12:41pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike (2)     Comment 5

Eh that isn't always true either. 150k in student loans certainly does not equate to a high paying job or any job at all even.

New Renter   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 1:18pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 6

BayArea says

Her musings were suddenly interrupted when her date asked a decidedly unromantic question: “What’s your credit score?”

Yep, right up there with "what were the results of your last AIDS test" or "Did you murder your last boyfriend?"

The guy was looking for an out. He found it.

New Renter   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 1:23pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 7

BayArea says

zzyzzx says

Lauren Dollard, a 26-year-old assistant at a nonprofit in Houston, said her low credit score had helped to stall her romantic plans. Her boyfriend is wary of marrying her until she can significantly pay down the more than $150,000 she owes in student loans and bolster her credit score, she said.

I wouldn't marry someone with 150K in student debt.

What a terrible outlook! I will take a $150k in school loans and someone who invested in themselves and their education over someone who didn't with no school loans. The long run looks brighter with the first option IMHO

How about if the degree was from a non-accredited institution, not accepted by any employer and even under 100% best case conditions that person would never come close to paying off that debt without a hefty infusion of YOUR cash?

Even better the person's only ambition in life was to sit on the couch watching Gilligan's Island marathons and eating ice cream by the bucket?

New Renter   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 1:25pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (2)   Dislike     Comment 8

woppa says

Eh that isn't always true either. 150k in student loans certainly does not equate to a high paying job or any job at all even.

Nope! Most people I know at high paying jobs have at most a bachelors.

mell   befriend   ignore   Thu, 27 Dec 2012, 1:32pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 9

woppa says

That's a really shitty way of going about finding your partner in life.

Definitely not since you are on the hook for the money after marrying them. But what is really shitty advice is telling somebody $150K in debt doesn't matter and I guess they'd 'just come up with it'.

The Professor   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 12:58am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 10

I met my wife through Craigslist.

Credit ratings and venereal diseases are not 1st date topics, but they should be disclosed before things get too serious.

However, if you want to scare someone away ...

BayArea   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 1:36am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike (1)     Comment 11

$150K in school debt and poor credit don't necessarily correlate. Let's keep those separate.

woppa says

150k in student loans certainly does not equate to a high paying job or any job at all even

Of course there are no guarantees, but the degree allows you to take well aimed shots on goal on getting that "high" paying job. Sure there are ways to make good money with no degree, but you aren't going to get the classic/stable/high-paying medical, law, business, or technology jobs without the degree. There are entrepreneurial exceptions to the rule, but they are rare.

New Renter says

The guy was looking for an out. He found it.

I certainly agree. People who want out of a relationship (especially a fresh one), can be very creative with the reasons they present. But at the same time, I'd be a little weary of a girl with terrible credit myself. Who can argue that it doesn't spur up a lot of questions about the person you are getting involved with?

New Renter says

How about if the degree was from a non-accredited institution, not accepted by any employer and even under 100% best case conditions that person would never come close to paying off that debt without a hefty infusion of YOUR cash?

Even better the person's only ambition in life was to sit on the couch watching Gilligan's Island marathons and eating ice cream by the bucket?

Fair enough, but at the same time where are we going by taking the worst case possible. People with ambitions to sit on the couch and eat ice cream typically aren't people who go out and get high priced degrees. Still not sure where you are going with that. If we approached everything like that nobody would ever get married or leave their house without tin-foil hats.

New Renter says

Nope! Most people I know at high paying jobs have at most a bachelors.

There is some amount of truth to this... I work in Telecommunications under an executive team that has always had an unfavorable outlook on PHDs. We've found that they often are more research/advancement focused than profit/loss focused, which of course is a problem.

The Professor says

I met my wife through Craigslist.

Please tell us more!

The Professor   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 1:56am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 12

A couple of rules for online dating:

You can learn a lot from what someone writes. Typos and bad grammar indicate lack of education. Use email correspondence to vet and reject unqualified candidates.

Don't depend on pics being accurate. I had a 4 month online relationship with this (from pic) attractive lady. She looked a bit young but not TOO young. Right before we met she admitted that the pic was 15 years old from college, she had gained some weight (50#s) and she was just getting out of a 10 year lesbian relationship. We met anyway but there was no chemistry.

Be honest. but don't reveal too much. No sense in scaring them away too quickly. Eventually everything important should be revealed.

Don't misuse time or money with anyone who you know is not right.

Most important rule: If the person seems like a good fit, set up a meeting in a public place asap.

BayArea   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:03am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 13

Interesting and thanks for sharing.

It's not something I have any experience with, but online dating does seem like a good way to filter some important characteristics quickly, assuming people are being honest of course. How long have you been married?

The Professor says

Don't misuse time...

Very true, and applies to any relationship. The importance of this point didn't completely sink in for me until I turned 30 or so.

lostand confused   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:17am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 14

BayArea says

What a terrible outlook! I will take a $150k in school loans and someone who
invested in themselves and their education over someone who didn't with no
school loans. The long run looks brighter with the first option IMHO

It depends. She could quit working right after marraige and beome a shopoholic . Now you have to feed her shopping habit and pay off her school debt too-it happened to one of my friends. The lady refused to go to work -even though she worked before and just spend her time enjoying life on his dime. Unfortunately that is perfectly acceptable for a woman. If you are married long enough-you have to keep her in the lifestyle she is used to.

turtledove   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:27am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 15

lostand confused says

It depends. She could quit working right after marraige and beome a shopoholic . Now you have to feed her shopping habit and pay off her school debt too-it happened to one of my friends. The lady refused to go to work -even though she worked before and just spend her time enjoying life on his dime. Unfortunately that is perfectly acceptable for a woman. If you are married long enough-you have to keep her in the lifestyle she is used to.

At 28, I married a guy I knew for 12 years. He had graduated from law school a few years before we were married, and I was just finishing up my MBA. We had the best plans. We were going to work for a few years... make lots of money, yada, yada, yada.

One month after we were married, he says to me, "I don't like being a lawyer. I want to take some time off to figure out what it is I want to do."

Three years later, he was still sitting on the couch internet surfing, playing video games, going to gambling sites, day trading....

Yeah... he was quite a prize! Women get bait and switched, too.

lostand confused   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:44am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 16

turtledove says

At 28, I married a guy I knew for 12 years. He had graduated from law school
a few years before we were married, and I was just finishing up my MBA. We had
the best plans. We were going to work for a few years... make lots of money,
yada, yada, yada.


One month after we were married, he says to me, "I don't like being a lawyer.
I want to take some time off to figure out what it is I want to do."


Three years later, he was still sitting on the couch internet surfing,
playing video games, going to gambling sites, day trading....


Yeah... he was quite a prize! Women get bait and switched, too.

Well true. I think marraige laws need to be reformed to reflect current realities. No 1 is that 50% end in divorce and so quit looking at it from that angle of soulmate etc.

Muslims in several coutnries actually negotiate a divorce price when marrying off their daughters. Even though the divorce rates are much lower, they already negotiate the amont to be given upon divorce. Many arranged marraiges in countries like India used to be far more practical. You look at both families, try and find one evenly matched and see the personalities and then arrange.

I think in this country, it is far more idealistic-excluding the very rich, nobody seems to look at the practical aspects of it before marraige. Perhaps if we were forced to decide how much would be given in alimony and child support and other such practical matters before marraige, then things won't be this bad?

My fiancee has a fierce indepenant streak. Her parents are rather wealthy, but she likes to be independant and not live off them. Which I like.

turtledove   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:52am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 17

lostand confused says

Perhaps if we were forced to decide how much would be given in alimony and child support and other such practical matters before marraige, then things won't be this bad?

If that ain't the truth!

BayArea   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 3:01am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 18

turtledove says

Women get bait and switched, too.

100% true.... I don't think this was his plan but there are some fraction of men out there who only work because they have to. So... What happened in the end?

Since we are moving away from traditional roles (which has it's positives and negatives), he didn't feel the sense of urgency to get off his ass and be the bread winner since you were obviously bringing in enough dough to keep the ship sailing. Without knowing what his struggles were/are, I will say that most guys' pride would not allow their woman to be working more than they do... I certainly wouldn't.

I have been in a situation where I was forced to take a job for a short period of time that I was over-qualified for. But that's something I felt I had to do.

turtledove   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 6:49am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 19

BayArea says

100% true.... I don't think this was his plan but there are some fraction of men out there who only work because they have to. So... What happened in the end?

He was incredibly spoiled by his parents and just never grew up. I remember the Thanksgiving before we split... his parents were over at the house. We were talking about putting the Christmas lights up. When they heard that I wanted their little boy to get up on a ladder and put up the lights his father said to me, "Do you want him to get killed?" I was like, WTH? It was a perfectly average house (no insane roof, or anything like that). Their son was a grown man, for goodness sake!

I ended up going out there and hanging the lights myself... which was precisely my problem. I enabled him... his parents enabled him.

When he graduated from college, he had pretty bad grades. His parents paid for him to go to law school even though he could only get into a low-ranking, high-cost law school. I, on the other hand, sent myself to both college and graduate school. I graduated with honors and was admitted into a top MBA program. I worked from when I was 16. He knew that about me, and I have no doubt that's what he liked best about me. I was the mommy he could fool around with!

I was patient with him for a pretty long time. I didn't want him to be unhappy with his work. No one should have to do something they hate, right? But after three years and he still hadn't found anything he liked to do better than sitting around, I had had enough. (He wouldn't even do domestic things!)

We divorced after three years. No kids were involved.

There's nothing wrong with roles. It makes perfect sense to divide labor whether it's outside the home or inside the home. And it's up to each couple how they want to do that.

I just think that when two people agree to a plan, each person has a responsibility to stick to that plan. If something changes and plan adjustments have to be made... that's okay (stuff happens) but the couple should make the new plan together. One person shouldn't misprepresent him/herself just to catch a person and then manipulate them until they get the situation they secretly wanted from the very beginning. If he wanted to be a Real Housewife, he should have made that clear and given me the choice.

jvolstad   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 7:08am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 20

I've noticed a number of young single Mothers in the San Antonio, Texas area, trying to hook up with the GI's in town. (Lackland AFB, Randolph AFB, Fort Sam Houston). I'm sure the reason being the are benefits married troops receive.

zzyzzx   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 7:48am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 21

It's easy enough to just not get married!

zzyzzx   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 7:49am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 22

turtledove says

He was incredibly spoiled by his parents and just never grew up.

And you married him anyway???

zzyzzx   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 7:53am PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 23

BayArea says

I will take a $150k in school loans and someone who invested in themselves and their education over someone who didn't with no school loans.

Some of us actually worked our way through college TWICE without incurring any debt. Someone who ended up in that much debt just wasted a bunch of money and is too fiscally irresponsible to date.

turtledove   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 8:02am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 24

zzyzzx says

turtledove says

He was incredibly spoiled by his parents and just never grew up.

And you married him anyway???

I think the bleach I used to put in my hair in the 80s did something to my brain.

BayArea   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 8:33am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 25

Turtledove, thank you for sharing.

How long ago did you guys split and did you ever remarry?

turtledove   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 8:49am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 26

Ten years ago. Yes, if you can believe it, I remarried about 8 months after my divorce was final. Been married nine years, and we have two amazing children. Wouldn't change a thing.

New Renter   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 10:40am PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 27

BayArea says

New Renter says

How about if the degree was from a non-accredited institution, not accepted by any employer and even under 100% best case conditions that person would never come close to paying off that debt without a hefty infusion of YOUR cash?

Even better the person's only ambition in life was to sit on the couch watching Gilligan's Island marathons and eating ice cream by the bucket?

Fair enough, but at the same time where are we going by taking the worst case possible. People with ambitions to sit on the couch and eat ice cream typically aren't people who go out and get high priced degrees. Still not sure where you are going with that. If we approached everything like that nobody would ever get married or leave their house without tin-foil hats.

turtledove says

At 28, I married a guy I knew for 12 years. He had graduated from law school a few years before we were married, and I was just finishing up my MBA. We had the best plans. We were going to work for a few years... make lots of money, yada, yada, yada.

One month after we were married, he says to me, "I don't like being a lawyer. I want to take some time off to figure out what it is I want to do."

Three years later, he was still sitting on the couch internet surfing, playing video games, going to gambling sites, day trading....

Yeah... he was quite a prize! Women get bait and switched, too.

Yep, worst case scenarios DO happen. Sorry it happened to you.

Peter P   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:21pm PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike     Comment 28

lostand confused says

My fiancee has a fierce indepenant streak. Her parents are rather wealthy, but she likes to be independant and not live off them. Which I like.

Independent girls from rich families tend to be some of the best.

Avoid people with self-limiting mindsets at all cost.

Peter P   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 2:22pm PST   Share   Quote   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 29

I would not date anyone who could not laugh at my jokes.

Finance is somewhat important though. It has more to say about one's philosophy and value system. It is fine to be in debt, but having a huge student loan on a Women's Studies degree would be a big red flag.

I would not date a vegetarian.

Oxygen   befriend   ignore   Fri, 28 Dec 2012, 6:35pm PST   Share   Quote   Like   Dislike