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How Would John Claud Van Damm Handle Realtor Criminality?


By APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   Follow   Wed, 13 Mar 2013, 11:49am PDT   247 views   9 comments
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A movie producer asked me recently and I had my own ideas but I figured my imagination would pale next to the informed experience of the P.Net man-gods.

Personally, I imagine JCVD impaling the Realtor and kicking its face and vital organs until JCVD's mercy compells him to douse the criminal with gasoline and dispatch it quickly with the deft flick of a cigarette.

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CaptainShuddup   Wed, 13 Mar 2013, 11:58am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 1

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

compells him to douse the criminal with gasoline and dispatch it quickly with the deft flick of a cigarette...

The Realtor gets back up as you walk away, and submits a counter offer. When your back is turned. They are spawned of Hell after all, so you'll have to reek more Vandamage than that.

New Renter   Wed, 13 Mar 2013, 3:17pm PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike     Comment 2

Whatever happens you can be sure JCVD will be just as pretty afterwards as before. Then their will be a gratuitous sex scene. With himself. And then more violence.

elliemae   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 3:05am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like (3)   Dislike     Comment 3

So... Sylvester Stallone, JCVD & Schwarzenegger were sitting around talking about making an action movie based on the great composers - with lots of ass kicking set to classical music.

Stallone says, "I'll be Beethoven."
JCVD says, "I'll be Mozart."'
Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach..."

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 3:20am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like (1)   Dislike     Comment 4

Ellie,

Do you have a license for that pun?

Ceffer   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 4:21am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike     Comment 5

JCVD will just order in cigars, hookers and cocaine, and let his babes stiletto stomp the realtors until they look like bloody colanders.

Then, he will make his low ball offer while doing the splits.

elliemae   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 4:45am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike     Comment 6

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

Ellie,

Do you have a license for that pun?

Currently there are no licenses or background checks required for puns of that size. Once our lawmakers finish voting themselves more benefits, raises and raising the cap on extra $$$ they can bring in, I'm sure that they will turn to limiting the size of a pun without a license.

elliemae   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 4:49am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike     Comment 7

Since I'm sharing... I've hit a personal milestone. The front of the fridge is full. Now am working on the sides. FYI, it started out as a joke, but now it's not that funny any more. And I'm no where near the world record according to my good friend Wikipedia.

Ceffer   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 5:07am PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like (2)   Dislike     Comment 8

Elliemae has managed to turn her refrigerator into a Higgs boson detector.

Hope you don't have any aunts or grannies with artificial hips or knees.

elliemae   Sun, 17 Mar 2013, 1:12pm PDT   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike     Comment 9

Ceffer says

Hope you don't have any aunts or grannies with artificial hips or knees.

Grannie is stuck to the other side of the fridge. Unfortunately, my Auntie was walking by and her defibrillator was deactivated... shit happens, ya know?

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