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Total denial - Can anything be done?

By bg1   Follow   Wed, 26 Jan 2011, 9:17am   3,540 views   61 comments
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I have a good friend who is totally over her head on her home. She is totally over values owning a home. In fact, it is a criteria for the man she wants to date - "must own his own home". She has about 2 months in emergency savings. She has no equity in her home. I suspect she is pretty far underwater, but she seems to have insulated herself from this reality. She has no retirement savings and a huge student loan. Her Honda has 200K miles on it. To her credit, she has closed all her credit cards. I think she is very close to paying those off. Did I mention that she is 42 yrs old and has no health insurance?

I don't think there is anything I can say that might gently help her appreciate her situation. She is hoping to refinance to get a better "monthly payment". I don't really see a lower payment as "better". She has been talking to a "friend who is a realtor" who has been inflating the stated value of her home.

It breaks my heart to see the mess she is in. She wouldn't consider walking away from her home as this might prevent her from buying another one. She is stuck on this. I think she should rent and start piling money into retirement. Screw this home ownership myth that has her hypnotized. I think the best thing she has gonig is that she is very, very beautiful. I am sad to say that marrying someone who is less lost may be her best way out. THat is a very value inconsistent for me to say. The big problem with that is that I fear she wouldn't recognize someone in good financial shape if they slapped her in the face with their savings portfolio. Of course, I want her to see her situation differently and start taking aggressive steps to change the pickle she is in. She seems to be so far in denial that she is unlikely to make any changes. I am feeling very sad for her and pretty helpless to get her to see her situation from a different perspective.

FWIW, she isn't looking for someone to rescue her. She doesn't seem to see that she is in trouble.

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1. chip_designer Follow Befriend (1) 13 threads 139 comments

   22   10:38am Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike (1)   she must be chinese

2. Katy Perry Follow Befriend 8 threads 530 comments Murrieta, CA

   23   11:05am Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   is there one man on this site that actually 100percent owns there own home? anyone here holding the note for your own home?

3. rob918 Follow Befriend (3) 10 threads 135 comments Pasadena, CA

   24   11:50am Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Katy Perry says is there one man on this site that actually 100percent owns there own home? anyone here holding the note for your own home? I hold the note on a few of my paid in full homes here in L.A. County, although on the official paperwork it's titled "Substitution of Trustee and Full Reconveyance" and was mailed to me by the County of Los Angeles after recording. After the final payoff, the mortgage company in Santa Rosa, Sonoma County has it notorized there and then they send it to L.A. County for recording at the Recorders Office.

4. joshuatrio Follow Befriend 41 threads 703 comments Monterey, CA

   25   2:12pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Katy Perry says is there one man on this site that actually 100percent owns there own home? anyone here holding the note for your own home? Probably not many on this site - but I'm certain there are plenty with enough cash in the bank to do so.

5. nrc2112 Follow Befriend 7 comments

   26   3:20pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike (1)   PW. SOUNDS LIKENYOURN JEALOUS OF HER CAUSE SHE IS HOT AND YOUR NOT POST PICTS OF HER

6. Katy Perry Follow Befriend 8 threads 530 comments Murrieta, CA

   27   4:47pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   just always miffed by the confusion in terms. "Home owner" or "I own my home." is often used incorrectly in the circles I run in. It's one of the major issue with many people actually understanding their situation correctly IMO. The Bank thinks they own something also by the way. I like to believe you don't own your home until it's paid off. I must sound like an ass to many but this needs to be taught in schools!,... not the banker friendly debt slave fantasy BS. Rent to own is not owning. it's just a way to convince one to take on a shitload of liability IMO. This 30 year loan BS is a scam. I like to think about how much a home would cost if we lived without the funny money. i know complete fantasy land. California dream'n AHHHHHHHH!

7. Payoff2011 Follow Befriend 5 threads 122 comments

   28   4:57pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Katy Perry says is there one man on this site that actually 100percent owns there own home? anyone here holding the note for your own home? Thanks for asking. Almost paid for. I am ready to pay my home off. But, we realized that would make FICO go down because the only active debt on our file would be one credit card. We have no car payments and would have no mortgage. So, we have decided to get one more credit card, replace husband's vehicle and THEN make the payoff. We're going used truck shopping tomorrow. Also, my sister's home is paid for, and one brother's home. Midwesterners. Baby boomers. Hmm. buy a home, don't heloc it to death, stay in it for many years. PAY for it.

8. Katy Perry Follow Befriend 8 threads 530 comments Murrieta, CA

   29   5:02pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Payoff2011 says Katy Perry says is there one man on this site that actually 100percent owns there own home? anyone here holding the note for your own home? Thanks for asking. Almost paid for. I am ready to pay my home off. But, we realized that would make FICO go down because the only active debt on our file would be one credit card. We have no car payments or mortgage. So, we have decided to get one more credit card, replace husband’s vehicle and THEN make the payoff. We’re going used truck shopping tomorrow. Also, my sister’s home is paid for, and one brother’s home. Midwesterners. Baby boomers. Hmm. buy a home, don’t heloc it to death, stay in it for many years. PAY for it. HA HA Awsome! I guess I should have said CA. or at least the west coast Ha ha Yeah in Cali with a home paid for. only my Grandmother for me.

9. Payoff2011 Follow Befriend 5 threads 122 comments

   30   5:08pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Oh, almost forgot. Husband's brother's home is paid for. So a couple of years ago they bought a small rental house. But you are right, most people have mortgages. It's just that I never looked at a home as a place to get money from. I looked at is as something that cost me money. So, I couldn't understand people wanting to borrow more and increase their payment. My goal was always to eliminate that payment. Almost there, except for all the other expenses in owning. Houses eat money.

10. Katy Perry Follow Befriend 8 threads 530 comments Murrieta, CA

    31   5:53pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Payoff2011 says Oh, almost forgot. Husband’s brother’s home is paid for. So a couple of years ago they bought a small rental house. But you are right, most people have mortgages. It’s just that I never looked at a home as a place to get money from. I looked at is as something that cost me money. So, I couldn’t understand people wanting to borrow more and increase their payment. My goal was always to eliminate that payment. Almost there, except for all the other expenses in owning. Houses eat money. I like your style Payoff2011 And you should be held up as an example. my boomer parents have 10 years left on theirs. no savings i think? dependent on state and federal pensions nobody they know really holds A "note" not even sure if it's done that way now. seems everyone here in So Cal played the HELOC game to buy the F$ck#ng granite counter tops and glass shower doors and the mini tile. and the hot tub, oh and the stainless what ever the hell you can have in stainless you bleeping keep up with the Jones sheople. AHHHHHHH! I need a beer.

11. cearka Follow Befriend (1) 2 threads 24 comments

    32   5:54pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   I paid 12k cash (after taxes and everything) for 06 ford after only working one year out of college at 23. My girlfriend bought an 09 Nissan last year, again after working only one year out of college. It's really not difficult to save enough money to buy a car. But it seems Americans are in a culture now where it's just spend spend spend even if you don't have anything to spend. joshuatrio says EightBall says joshuatrio says Today, if you can pay cash for a car, people are shocked. Depends on the car you buy. A new one, sure. I paid $700 cash for the last car I bought - 18 months of driving and I’ve only had to buy a battery and change the oil. When it kicks the bucket I’ll find another granny-only-drove-it-on-Sundays special. Unfortunately, Cash for Clunkers probably ruined my next favorite vehicle - and for what purpose? I’d say any car over $5-6k is typically financed (not a fact, just an opinion). My last supervisor had to finance a $6,500 Taurus. My current ride ran me around $1200 + $126.00 in dmv fees. I’m in the same camp as you - when it dies, pick up another beater. I’ve already got my eye on a 240DL. The other Honda I bought was $8k which was paid up front as well.

12. FortWayne Follow Befriend (13) 103 threads 3,768 comments

    33   7:56pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Payoff2011 says Oh, almost forgot. Husband’s brother’s home is paid for. So a couple of years ago they bought a small rental house. But you are right, most people have mortgages. It’s just that I never looked at a home as a place to get money from. I looked at is as something that cost me money. So, I couldn’t understand people wanting to borrow more and increase their payment. My goal was always to eliminate that payment. Almost there, except for all the other expenses in owning. Houses eat money. A lot of people got suckered into stupid financial decisions. I remember when realtors ran around trying to convince people that it was an "investment in their future". Total bullshit, but I guess it worked on quite a large scale.

13. Hysteresis Follow Befriend (2) 14 threads 648 comments

    34   8:29pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   ChrisLA says I remember when realtors ran around trying to convince people that it was an “investment in their future”. Total bullshit, but I guess it worked on quite a large scale. i still hear this from a lot of people. especially in higher priced neighborhoods. and sometimes it is true, some houses are good investments today although most are not.

14. Nomograph Follow Befriend (1) 104 threads 2,851 comments

    35   10:20pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   pw says FWIW, she isn’t looking for someone to rescue her. She doesn’t seem to see that she is in trouble. If that's the case, why don't you mind your own business? You seem to be the one with the problem, not her.

15. thomas.wong1986 Follow Befriend 16 threads 4,426 comments

    36   11:20pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Syphilis says i still hear this from a lot of people. especially in higher priced neighborhoods. and sometimes it is true, some houses are good investments today although most are not. Not gonna hear from home owners in San Diego... 1989-1996... painful declines despite the good weather and nice neighborhoods.

16. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    37   11:49pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   ChrisLA says What I told someone dear to me when she was going through the same mental anguish… “it’s just money… let it go and move on with your life. I’ve been in business for a long time, I’ve made plenty of poor investments in my time and some good once. No point to stress over it, just let it go and move on to the next thing.” That worked for me, but she was also ready to move on as well. In reality there isn’t a thing you can say that will make her change her mind. She’ll change her mind once she is ready to move on. Until than just be sympathetic to her plight which arose from her poor decision(s). At some point she’ll let it go, she won’t be able to hold on to it much longer I’d assume anyway. That is very sweet and very insightful. I have tried to be super sympathetic. I pay for dinner when we go out. I listen when she is distressed. I explain my approach to my finances, but never preach about hers.

17. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    38   11:51pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   PasadenaNative says Loads of us can’t afford health insurance or don’t have much savings, be gentle with her… I will be gentle. That is very good advice!

18. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    39   11:53pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Ptipking222 says There’s millions of people like your friend. If they don’t have a clue by age 40, they’ll never have a clue. It’s better to just let them live in their dream world since they’ll be more happy that way. Trying to shake them out of their dream world will cause cognitive dissonance, which is more unpleasant than any upside from changing their ways. Plus it’s not like she’s THAT bad…hey, at least she has some emergency savings and not 40k in credit card debt. It’s kinda like someone who is super religious and thinks Jesus affects every minor thing in their life. It’s dumb, but it makes them happy, so who cares as long as it doesn’t affect you. I fear you are right about the light never coming on. I think she is certainly happier seeing it the way she sees it rather than the way I see it. I am alarmed.

19. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    40   11:56pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   toothfairy says you should encourage her to hold onto her house. From the way it sounds it’s pretty much all she’s got. I have thought about this. THe thing is that her monthly payment is way more than renting in that area. I keep thinking about if she took the difference and applied it to her loans or retirement. Her concern is that if she walked away, she would be hard pressed to get another home. I am not sure that having walked away will be so rare in the future.

20. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    41   11:59pm Thu 27 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   francophile100 says I would advise to her to only date men who don’t own their own home, so they can move in with her and help with the bills. Only thing worse than being underwater on one house is being underwater on two houses. We talked some about getting a room mate. She is a bit of a neat freak, but would consider it in theory. Hadn't thought about the two house possibility. That is grim. But somewhat likely if underwater is really so wide spread.

21. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    42   12:03am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Nomograph says pw says FWIW, she isn’t looking for someone to rescue her. She doesn’t seem to see that she is in trouble. If that’s the case, why don’t you mind your own business? You seem to be the one with the problem, not her. I am sad about her situation. I don't recommend the rescue strategy. I am just thinking about everything she has said and what I see her doing and think that is the only possible way out I could see for her. Is thinking about that really a problem? I am not trying to run her life. Just sad about the pickle she is in.

22. seaside Follow Befriend (3) 34 threads 696 comments Alexandria, VA

    43   12:56am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   Unfortunately, you don't have much choice. Not that she is stupid or anything, but people like her just don't want to get it. Speaking the truth just won't work. Sadly, one of my close relative is like her, and I stopped giving him my sincerest advice for him. That was not what he wanted from the begining. It took years for me to figure out what is it he want. and I am noe giving it. But No more serious, sincerest advice for him, never ever again.

23. The Original Bankster Follow Befriend 4 threads 342 comments Phoenix, AZ The Original Bankster's website

    44   3:04am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   I think the best thing she has gonig is that she is very, very beautiful. I know they type... they always keep one or two douchebags on the line to be emotional dumping ground, and they go around worrying about them and trying to fix their lives. Do you know if she has anyone around like that?

24. American in Japan Follow Befriend (28) 149 threads 1,398 comments

    45   3:42am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   @rob918 >I hold the note on a few of my paid in full homes here in L.A. County Careful there, you might get introduced to her...

25. Barbara Walker Follow Befriend 3 comments

    46   7:28am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   My advice: Introduce your troubled friend to the glorious religion of Luciferianism. Lucifer is the light of enlightenment and shining morning star of knowledge. Lucifer will set her free. I believe there may be a few followers here who will be able to help guide her along the way.

26. FortWayne Follow Befriend (13) 103 threads 3,768 comments

    47   8:38am Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   pw says ChrisLA says What I told someone dear to me when she was going through the same mental anguish… “it’s just money… let it go and move on with your life. I’ve been in business for a long time, I’ve made plenty of poor investments in my time and some good once. No point to stress over it, just let it go and move on to the next thing.” That worked for me, but she was also ready to move on as well. In reality there isn’t a thing you can say that will make her change her mind. She’ll change her mind once she is ready to move on. Until than just be sympathetic to her plight which arose from her poor decision(s). At some point she’ll let it go, she won’t be able to hold on to it much longer I’d assume anyway. That is very sweet and very insightful. I have tried to be super sympathetic. I pay for dinner when we go out. I listen when she is distressed. I explain my approach to my finances, but never preach about hers. I wouldn't pay for her all the time. She does have to feel the consequences of her poor decisions, otherwise she may end up just using you... not because she is a terrible person... but because of how life plays out due to convenience and distress. I don't know what kind of relationship you two have of course. But if I were in your shoes and she started telling me about how difficult it is I'd of course sympathize but do stress walking away because stress isn't worth it over some monetary loss. Just be firm.

27. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    48   10:01pm Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   ChrisLA says pw says ChrisLA says What I told someone dear to me when she was going through the same mental anguish… “it’s just money… let it go and move on with your life. I’ve been in business for a long time, I’ve made plenty of poor investments in my time and some good once. No point to stress over it, just let it go and move on to the next thing.” That worked for me, but she was also ready to move on as well. In reality there isn’t a thing you can say that will make her change her mind. She’ll change her mind once she is ready to move on. Until than just be sympathetic to her plight which arose from her poor decision(s). At some point she’ll let it go, she won’t be able to hold on to it much longer I’d assume anyway. That is very sweet and very insightful. I have tried to be super sympathetic. I pay for dinner when we go out. I listen when she is distressed. I explain my approach to my finances, but never preach about hers. I wouldn’t pay for her all the time. She does have to feel the consequences of her poor decisions, otherwise she may end up just using you… not because she is a terrible person… but because of how life plays out due to convenience and distress. I don’t know what kind of relationship you two have of course. But if I were in your shoes and she started telling me about how difficult it is I’d of course sympathize but do stress walking away because stress isn’t worth it over some monetary loss. Just be firm. We are long time friends. She is generous with her time and her care for my child. She listens, calls, gives my child gifts. For my part, we are really talking about a few (maybe three) dinners out a year. I enjoy it more if I pay. I don't enjoy eating out with her when I know she is in a hole. It is OK. I can swing it. I don't feel used. It helps me enjoy our time out.

28. thomas.wong1986 Follow Befriend 16 threads 4,426 comments

    49   10:10pm Fri 28 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   "She is totally over values owning a home." If it was me.. I make a 180 degree turn and ....Walk away! No matter what, women like this are stone cold in opinion regarding homes.

29. toothfairy Follow Befriend 40 threads 856 comments Oakland, CA

    50   3:40am Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   The Original Bankster says I think the best thing she has gonig is that she is very, very beautiful. I know they type… they always keep one or two douchebags on the line to be emotional dumping ground, and they go around worrying about them and trying to fix their lives. Do you know if she has anyone around like that? I know the type too, she's looking for the "Dont worry, baby. I'll take care of it" guy. I think suggestion that she walk away from her house is borderline rude. In her eyes it even makes you sound a little bit jealous too especially since you happen to be a renter. If you owned a house you might have more authority there. If I were to marry a woman like that, I'd probably front the cash and make the house right side up in a 30 yr fixed loan in exchange for putting my name on the title. Telling her to walk away from her house is just bad advice, sorry.

30. bg1 Follow Befriend (4) 11 threads 114 comments Premium

    51   7:02am Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   toothfairy says The Original Bankster says I think the best thing she has gonig is that she is very, very beautiful. I know they type… they always keep one or two douchebags on the line to be emotional dumping ground, and they go around worrying about them and trying to fix their lives. Do you know if she has anyone around like that? I know the type too, she’s looking for the “Dont worry, baby. I’ll take care of it” guy. I think suggestion that she walk away from her house is borderline rude. In her eyes it even makes you sound a little bit jealous too especially since you happen to be a renter. If you owned a house you might have more authority there. If I were to marry a woman like that, I’d probably front the cash and make the house right side up in a 30 yr fixed loan in exchange for putting my name on the title. Telling her to walk away from her house is just bad advice, sorry. I always appreciate the comments. I thought it might be useful for me to say that she has absolutely no interest in getting married or combining finances with someone else. She isn't looking for a man to save her. She doesn't see her situation as a crisis. She isn't looking for someone to come in and save her. She doesn't think she needs to walk away (nor do I think she would select that option). She has a realestate agent who is telling her that she can sell her house of a ridiculous price, so she is "considering" refinancing or selling. If you don't see the problem, why would you walk away? I was somewhat sadly saying that the only way I could see her getting herself into a different situation would be if she married someone with more financial savy. I guess she could win the lottery, but she doesn't play the lottery. My concern is that I see her best move right now to rent and save like mad. THe problem, in my opinion, is that she doesn't see herself in a terrible mess. Since she doesn't see a crisis, she isn't going to take the aggressive actions that I see as required. I think she sees herself as needing to make some very small changes. My fear is that it isn't nearly enough. I am a renter. I am definitely not jealous of people of have dug themselves into those kinds of holes. Having a house that didn't destroy me (or my friends) would be great. Where I am a bit "jealous" is of people who live in places where the housing market is less insane than the Bay Area. It would be nice to buy a nice house for less than 300K. THat just isn't where I live. One outcome for me is to save here for another 10 years and then leave and pay cash. Hopefully the dollar will still have some value by then.

31. Nomograph Follow Befriend (1) 104 threads 2,851 comments

    52   11:20am Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   pw says I thought it might be useful for me to say that she has absolutely no interest in getting married or combining finances with someone else. She isn’t looking for a man to save her. She doesn’t see her situation as a crisis. She isn’t looking for someone to come in and save her. So why are you so insistent on trying to "save" her? If I were you, I would mind my own business. Butting into other people's finances is rude and typically unwelcomed.

32. Grails Follow Befriend 1 comments

    53   11:51am Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   If total denial makes her happy, so be it. She is an adult and should make her own financial decisions. Prices are still not going down as it should because of people like her who keeps throwing money into the black hole.

33. elliemae Follow Befriend (25) 413 threads 6,983 comments Saint George, UT elliemae's website

    54   1:10pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   I can see her point about wanting a house, we've been taught that this is the way to live in the US since we were born. She doesn't think that she has a problem - and who's to say that she does? It's only a problem for other people. Maybe she will find the man of her dreams. Maybe she'll win the lotto. Maybe she'll fly to the moon. Why mess with her dream? The only thing guaranteed by trying to bring her to your reality is losing a friend. My sister was a glowing example of the bubble mentality. She could never have afforded the house on her income in the first place, but she didn't let that deter her. She refi'd at least five times, I lost count. Each time, after the pre-pay penalty, fees and credit card payoff, she had nothing left. So she charged on the credit cards to offset the budget deficit from the higher payments - even interest only teaser rates are higher each time you do that... Every time she went to refi, I told her she was crazy and advised her not to. She's now renting a room, having lost everything she owns except what fits in storage. She still views herself as a victim of the recession. Go figure.

34. B.A.C.A.H. Follow Befriend (6) 5 threads 2,359 comments

    55   8:30pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   pw says We are long time friends. Hmm, friends don't gossip about friends behind their backs. Especially, not on the internet.

35. American in Japan Follow Befriend (28) 149 threads 1,398 comments

    56   10:22pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   @elliemae, Sorry to hear that about your sister. At least you tried to warn her to some degree...

36. B.A.C.A.H. Follow Befriend (6) 5 threads 2,359 comments

    57   10:26pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   elliemae says your reality is losing a friend. Is that the reality of "sharing" so much about the "friend" on the internet?

37. elliemae Follow Befriend (25) 413 threads 6,983 comments Saint George, UT elliemae's website

    58   10:35pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   sybrib says elliemae says your reality is losing a friend. Is that the reality of “sharing” so much about the “friend” on the internet? Anyone reading this wouldn't realize it was about them. Sometimes people want to discuss something and throw it out to the interwebs because it's safer than mentioning it to someone who may actually know her. Don't be so hard on pw... Ha! I said "hard-on!" (ellie is having a goofy night; let's blame it on a glass of wine and not on the stupid farm animals who feel the need to fight loud enough that the neighbors just came and got me... I don't know what it is that causes them to fight only when the temp is in the 20's, but I'm getting mighty tired of it).

38. B.A.C.A.H. Follow Befriend (6) 5 threads 2,359 comments

    59   10:49pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   You might be surprised. A coworker identified me by some stuff I wrote on here. It happened before on the stock message board of Yahoo. I didn't care, no harm done, but then I was not gossiping about others.

39. elliemae Follow Befriend (25) 413 threads 6,983 comments Saint George, UT elliemae's website

    60   11:18pm Sat 29 Jan 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   sybrib says You might be surprised. A coworked identified me by some stuff I wrote on here. It happened before on the stock message board of Yahoo. I didn’t care, no harm done, but then I was not gossiping about others. I've been in line at the grocery store in town (20 miles from my house is the biggest town around); some women were speculating who "elliemae" might be. I could barely suppress my laughter. But I've not been "outed" yet. I guess you could say that elliemae is still in the barn. hahaha. I am a bit worried if the book sells a chunk and I get outed - I'd be fired in a heartbeat. Nursing homes don't like it when people know their rights & options. Hopefully it will be something I'll have to deal with - I'd love to reach many people with the info. You do have a point about sharing info about the friend - especially when the post can be viewed as judgemental.

40. American in Japan Follow Befriend (28) 149 threads 1,398 comments

    61   6:12pm Tue 15 Feb 2011   Share   Quote   Permalink   Like   Dislike   @pw Any updates on this story? Did she find any guy with a house yet? Lol!

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