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Someone at my Client's office smells like ass, what should I do?!
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2013 Jul 24, 2:40am 35,596 views 56 comments
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Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 2:50am
haha
It's not a bad gig to be honest. Decent pay, ownership percentage which could potentially be valuable down the road.
I'm probably making it out to be a bigger problem than it really is. It is one of the things I can positively say is a huge negative of being at their office.
curious2
2013 Jul 24, 2:51am
https://www.google.com/search?q=what+to+do+about+a+smelly+coworker
Or try Fabreze, which is P&G's retail successor to Ozium. It's conceivable the smell might be in the guy's chair, and his clothes might be picking it up without him realizing it.
Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 2:53am
https://www.google.com/search?q=what+to+do+about+a+smelly+coworker
Or try Fabreze, which is P&G's retail successor to Ozium.
"There's no easy way to tell this to someone, and the person on the receiving end will be offended probably 100% of the time. But putting it to them delicately and without ridicule will make them take their hygiene more seriously. Nobody wants to be the stinky guy."
Ugh. This is exactly what I think should be done. I just don't want to be the guy to do it. I can't be the only person who smells this guys funk.
You can try to suck on a couple of zinc (or menthol) lozenges - like the ones that are shortening colds. The side effect for zinc is usually a temp. loss of sense of smell and while the FDA is "worried" that it can be permanent in extreme cases if the dose is too high the dosage in those lozenges is low and I only experienced it temporarily. That and you can also add in some menthol based stuff like vapo-rub or tiger balm rubbed onto your nose, or even that hot-and-cold icy blue stuff for sprains, this will give off enough odor to shield you from the smell of ass, downside is you smell of menthol, but at least it's not an unpleasant odor.
Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 3:10am
That's a good idea. Never thought about Vic's vapor rub. Clears the sinuses too. Thanks for the suggestion.
Shaman
2013 Jul 24, 3:24am
You said the guy was "heavily built." What does that mean? If you're saying that to mean muscular, then this is still a mystery.
But if you're saying that as a euphemism for obese, I have a suggestion. Some people who are newly obese don't wash the new folds of their fat bodies well. These can be deep and can get gross and stay that way, accumulating crevice cheese that can be very very pungent. Find an article on this and email it to the guy. Who knows what he may clean out once he's aware he may have several pounds of bacteria living in some fat folds on his skin!
Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 3:26am
Well, I say heavily built as a nice way of saying he's pretty over weight. If I had to guess, he's probably about 60-70 pounds overweight? He's not "cut out the wall to get him to the hospital obese", but he's pretty big, and not in the muscular way.
Tenpoundbass
2013 Jul 24, 3:30am
I have a classically trained keyboardist I play with from time to time. He's so good, I bought a Hammond B3 just to have it for him to play.
He's great, but I think he must take an annual bath.
I just light more nag champa.
curious2
2013 Jul 24, 3:35am
You could also try an aromatherapy candle. Deflect any questions by saying a wife or girlfriend gave it to you. The flame will reduce any methane-related problems - unless the concentration is so high as to cause an explosion. Maybe light the candle before he arrives, leave, and return after a safe interval.
Tell him to check out some posts on Patnet when he has spare time.
Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 8:58am
I like APOCLYPSEs very professional approach. Straight and to the point. Going to try out the Vic's vapor rub tomorrow and see if it helps.
Goran_K
2013 Jul 24, 8:59am
You could also try an aromatherapy candle. Deflect any questions by saying a wife or girlfriend gave it to you. The flame will reduce any methane-related problems - unless the concentration is so high as to cause an explosion. Maybe light the candle before he arrives, leave, and return after a safe interval.
Worth a shot.
curious2
2013 Jul 24, 9:04am
In that case, you might prepare for the confrontation by purchasing live flies, to see if your co-worker attracts them.
Hire Zimmerman. Don't think twice.
Also, leave bidet brochures scattered around the office.
CL
2013 Jul 24, 10:26am
Some people who are newly obese don't wash the new folds of their fat bodies well.
The nouveau-obese are the worst! I prefer the old-obese.
As an aside, if he has a health condition you may want to avoid any HR issues by tackling it yourself. Just a thought.
maybe he needs a stick because he can't reach to clean himself properly.
http://bottombuddy.com/
I also sit next to a smelly co-worker. I brought in an air freshener and sat it between us. Finally, he got the hint and asked, "Do I smell??" Of course, I couldn't tell him, but I just said it was musty in the office.
He also scratches his head constantly, then sniffs his fingers afterward. Pretty gross.
At least you can go sit somewhere else to avoid the smell. I'm stuck where I'm at next to Mr. StinkyScratchersons.
Automan Empire
2013 Jul 24, 12:45pm
APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says
can of hair spray and the lighter
Lysol in an aerosol can has plenty of alcohol and makes a nice yellow flame with a good after-smell.
New Renter
2013 Jul 24, 12:51pm
1) pull the fire alarm
2) break out fire hose
3) as guy runs by give him a bath!
When asked claim you panicked and thought you saw a fire.
Chances are anyone who would say something won't out of appreciation. You might even get applause.
Who knows it might get you laid!
Hello,
He may have a ileostomy or colostomy bag, the 1st stinks the worst I'm a nurse an liquid stool stinks since it is undigested.
Very poor hygiene is bad and someone else can tell him, pay a homeless guy 20.00 to tell him he stinks so bad !
Tell the owner too, Off the record behind his back like women always back stab each other.
Best of luck, many grossness in the country but it's not for you to inhale. You have a right to clean air.
Annna
Dan8267
2013 Jul 24, 1:31pm
Someone at my Client's office smells like ass, what should I do?!
Hey! I've been working very hard covering your slack. So excuse me!
Dan8267
2013 Jul 24, 1:35pm
Someone at my Client's office smells like ass, what should I do?!
What, I go to the Blue Oyster once and you're complaining already?
Goran_K
2013 Jul 25, 2:22am
Someone at my Client's office smells like ass, what should I do?!
Hey! I've been working very hard covering your slack. So excuse me!
Hopefully your ass was wiped today. I'm bringing my Vic's vapo rub just in case.
elliemae
2013 Jul 25, 2:58am
He may have a ileostomy or colostomy bag, the 1st stinks the worst I'm a nurse an liquid stool stinks since it is undigested.
if properly cared for, no one knows when a person has this condition.
No good can come from trying to confront someone about their odor. Bring something like a plug-in air freshener and tell them that you are having an allergic reaction to something in the condo. hope for the best.
zzyzzx
2013 Jul 25, 4:35am
Shit on his face. At least then you will know 100% for sure that the smell is coming from him, instead of, for example, a dog that might be in the house. Actually dog crap in the carpet was the first thing that came to mind when I read your story.
Tenpoundbass
2013 Jul 25, 4:38am
Bring some malodorous food items into work, and just wait for him to comment on the stench.
Then the ice will be broken.
turtledove
2013 Jul 25, 5:17am
When there are a couple of people in the room, say "I don't mean to offend anyone, but someone smells." Smell yourself to demonstrate that you might even suspect it's you... then say "the smell is everywhere, I can't pinpoint it, but it's definitely a people smell."
If the guy asks you if it's him, repeat "the smell is everywhere... I can't tell."
It's diplomatic, but gets it out there that someone needs a shower. Unless the guy is completely obtuse, he will probably take a shower to make sure that it isn't him (as will everyone else in the room).
Goran_K
2013 Jul 25, 5:18am
Shit on his face. At least then you will know 100% for sure that the smell is coming from him, instead of, for example, a dog that might be in the house. Actually dog crap in the carpet was the first thing that came to mind when I read your story.
You know I thought that too. But I smelled it outside too when he was around. Less intense but still very ass-like.
Tenpoundbass
2013 Jul 25, 5:37am
I would just get a new job.
Interviewer: "So why did you leave your last job?"
you: "It was shitty job."
Odd that goran contemplated snitching out a friend to his wife, that he is hopping from city to city, the globe over, tapping hot pieces of ass left and right. Yet can't muster the courage to mention to some stranger that he stinks
How about less man ass and more hot pieces of ass.
I mean, what do you do when you're railing your old lady from behind for awhile real hard, and you catch the inevitable smell of butt wafting up from all the pounding?
zzyzzx
2013 Jul 25, 12:06pm
Shit on his face. At least then you will know 100% for sure that the smell is coming from him, instead of, for example, a dog that might be in the house. Actually dog crap in the carpet was the first thing that came to mind when I read your story.
You know I thought that too. But I smelled it outside too when he was around. Less intense but still very ass-like.
You can still blame it on a dog, even if you already know that there isn't one in the house. Sniff sniff ... did somebody let a dog in here?
I'm sure they all know he stinks and that's why he's up in that room by himself. And then they stuck you in there with him.
Maybe they think you're the kind of guy that likes that smell...
New Renter
2013 Jul 25, 1:25pm
APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says
1) pull the fire alarm
2) break out fire hose
3) as guy runs by give him a bath!
Subtle. You have a real grasp of the nuances of inter-personal relations.
Thanks, its a talent I've been honing over my career.
Another idea for Goran - leave an anonymous note. Sure the guy might start bitching about hostile workplace but if the note can't be traced to you you're problem goes away.
All too subtle. Go to the office dressed like this. The beak is a nosegay, filled with herbs and the like to purify the air. The long wand was used to take the pulse of patients with the plague, but I'm sure you could use it for one finger typing. Hey, get one for each hand, and you could be a two finger typist , just like the pro's.
New Renter
2013 Jul 26, 12:50am
All too subtle. Go to the office dressed like this. The beak is a nosegay, filled with herbs and the like to purify the air. The long wand was used to take the pulse of patients with the plague, but I'm sure you could use it for one finger typing. Hey, get one for each hand, and you could be a two finger typist , just like the pro's.
Link no workey.I think you mean this?
If so the offender might mistake you for one of these guys:
Or one of these:
Still an excellent suggestion though, just make sure the costume is identifiable.
New Renter
2013 Jul 27, 1:45am
temporarily change your diet to include high volumes of these items:
beans
broccoli
cabbage
cauliflower
artichokes
raisins
pulses
lentils
onions
prunes
apples
Brussels sprouts
In addition have a Limburger, onion and tuna sandwich for lunch until Stinky takes offense. That gives you the perfect opening to...
APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says
Stand on your desk and scream at him: ASSHOLE STOP SHITTING YOURSELF!
Comments 1 - 40 of 56 Next » Last » Search these comments
Started working with a new client at the beginning of July based in Newport Beach. They're a startup in the energy field, and I'm working with them as a consultant "business development" specialist, aka I am helping this company get in shape for a potential Series A funding round. A lot of work to be done, so I am at their office 1-2 times a week which isn't a bad drive up the PCH.
So my first day there, I walk into their "office" which is basically a two story condo with a huge loft upstairs with 3 computer workstations, and a bedroom that doubles as a storage room. Downstairs is a living room, dining room, kitchen combo, but setup more like a traditional office. One of the downstairs bedrooms is HR. So these guys are real boot strappers.
The owner says I can occupy one of the workstations upstairs, so I lug my laptop up there and sit down at one of the desk. It looked empty, and it was the only one where the chair was still pushed in, so I figured I could take it. I unpack my stuff and look around for someone who knows the wifi password. There's a guy on the phone standing up looking over the edge of the loft.
He's a pretty heavily built guy, pony tail, etc. I figure he is their IT guy, seems to fit the bill. He gets off the phone and sits down at the desk directly behind me. I tap his shoulder and ask "Hi I'm Goran, I'm the business consultant, I sort of need help getting onto the network."
He's a nice guy, shakes my hand. Ends up he is the lead IT guy (my spider sense is 100% accurate). He sets up my laptop, and I'm connected to the network. As I'm opening up my Gmail account, I begin to notice that there is an invasive odor coming into my nostrils. I take a whiff, and it definitely is someone's unwashed ass. You know the smell like when you go camping, and you haven't had a decent shower in 2-3 days, and no matter how much toilet paper you use, the smell is still there? It was THAT smell.
So I look around, and the only people in the loft are me, and the big IT guy. So just to make sure I'm not going crazy, I ask him "Hey you smell that?"
IT Guy: "Smell what?"
Me: "Smells like someone forgot to wipe hahaha..."
IT Guy: "Oh hahaha. Well you know this place hasn't had a decent vacuuming in a while. They should change the carpet, the building is old too."
Me: "Oh that's probably it. haha, sorry to bother you, it's just really strong."
IT Guy: "Oh I probably got used to it."
We both turn back around to get to work after a little more small chat. The thing is, I can't concentrate. The smell is so strong that I'm on the verge of gagging. I can feel the reflex coming. It would be okay if the smell disappeared after a while, but it was constant, and permeating. Nothing I did, cover my nose, or sit with my coffee next to my nose, nothing stopped it. It just ended up smelling like ass-coffee.
I finally had enough. I told the IT Guy I was going to work outside to get some sea breeze, and he nodded without looking back. So I take my laptop and go downstairs onto their patio. The sun is blinding, and I can barely see my screen so I put on my shades. This is how I literally work for 5 hours straight.
Eventually, the IT Guy comes to the patio and ask me if I need help setting up my company e-mail, I say "Sure." So he stands next to me, and starts tapping away and accessing my Outlook. Then it hits my nose again. Mind you we are now outside, and there is a breeze. That doesn't stop the ass smell, and I'm again fighting the gag reflex. When it's done, my face is literally red from trying to hold my breath and take only small sips of air before holding it again. He takes off and I'm just in pain, literal pain from trying to hold my breath so long.
The owner seems to notice, and comes onto the patio and ask me if I'm okay. I tell him that I'm okay, but the loft upstairs is too "hot" so it's hard for me to concentrate. He looks a little confused and ask if he can turn the thermostat down more, and says it's already at 68 degrees. At that point, I'm not sure what to say; he's right, it's not hot up there, it's actually a little chilly, enough that I can wear my long sleeve shirt without any discomfort.
But I'm not about to say "Umm, your IT guy needs to wipe his damn ass." I just started working with this client and I'm not going to cause an incident over someone's ass smell.
So for the next few weeks, I just wing it. Some days the IT Guy is off site or somewhere else, and I end up working up in the loft. When he is in there, I work downstairs on the patio, or sometimes in my car. Occasionally there is an empty desk downstairs and I work there. So far, no one has seemed to notice that I am avoiding IT ass-smell guy, but I'm not sure how long that will last.
So I'm at a cross roads. Part of me wants to just tell the guy he has a disgusting odor coming from his body. The other part is saying "Look, this is just a client, don't make a big deal, just keep desk hopping."
What would you guys do in this situation? All honesty and humor appreciated.