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Q: How Do You Make a Dead Banker Float?

By APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch following x   2013 Jul 24, 11:18pm 9,060 views   32 comments   watch   nsfw   quote     share    


A: A glass of root beer and two scoops of dead banker!

1   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 25, 12:21pm   ↑ like (6)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. How do you make a dead Realtor float?
A. Take your foot off of it's head.

Q. What's funnier than a dead Realtor?
A. A dead Realtor in a clown costume!

2   Ceffer   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 25, 1:33pm   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Cover him in turds. Wait, he is a turd already!

3   HydroCabron   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 25, 1:52pm   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

Blow air into the Sport of Kings pipe, using a 45 PSI compressor.

4   marco   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 25, 10:55pm   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

"It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning."

Henry Ford

5   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 26, 1:38am   ↑ like (7)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. What do you get when you stab a Realtor 30 times?
A. An erection, and over 30 places to stick it.

Q. What does a Realtor look like in a microwave?
A. I don't know. I was too busy masturbating.

Q. What's the difference between a dead Realtor and a rock?
A. You can't skullfuck a rock through the eyesocket.

6   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 26, 3:45am   ↑ like (3)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. How do you get a Realtor out of a tree?
A. Give a mexican a stick and say its a piñata.

Q. Whats worse then finding a dead Realtor in your bed in the morning?
A. Realizing that you had sex with it the night before.

Q. What is worse than running a Realtor over with a car?
A. Getting it out of the tires.

7   Ceffer   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 26, 4:17am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Cover Banksters' dead bodies in confetti, put wheels on them, and enter them in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade?

8   CL   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 26, 4:22am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

Q: How Do You Make a Dead Banker Float?

Trick question! Bankers don't die due to their pact with Satan.

9   indigenous   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 26, 4:46am   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Why do they bury lawyers 100' underground?

Because deep down under they are good.

10   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 26, 4:56am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Ceffer says

Cover Banksters' dead bodies in confetti, put wheels on them, and enter them in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade?

Celebrate Thanksgiving as DEAD FUCKING BANKER DAY and give thanks for something that really matters to preserving civilization!

11   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 26, 4:57am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

CL says

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

Q: How Do You Make a Dead Banker Float?

Trick question! Bankers don't die due to their pact with Satan.

You heard this, too, huh?

12   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 26, 11:58am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A. A Realtor in a trash compactor.

Q. What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A. A Realtor shot through a snowblower.

Q. How do you stop a Realtor from choking?
A. Take your dick out of its mouth.

13   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 26, 1:57pm   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

zzyzzx says

Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A. A Realtor in a trash compactor.

Q. What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?

A. A Realtor shot through a snowblower.

Hehehehehehe!

14   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2013 Jul 26, 2:03pm   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

This thread is going to get Patrick.net flagged as an adult/nsfw website.

15   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 26, 2:15pm   ↑ like (3)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Dan8267 says

This thread is going to get Patrick.net flagged as an adult/nsfw website.

You think?

These are universal truths that all school children should be taught.

16   bg1   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 27, 12:41am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I was on a different computer today. Googled my way here. First thing I saw was AF's name at top. Thought that might get it flagged.

17   HydroCabron   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 27, 1:19am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

I would be ashamed if my bosses and co-workers did NOT know I read Patrick.net each day. They know that the mainstream media is truly offensive in comparison: Apocalypsefuck has advocated the benign and family-friendly torture and lust-murder of bankster fucks; in contrast, MSNBC/CNN/Fox have treated William Kristol and Obama as legitimate voices. Which is more offensive?

18   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 27, 1:44am   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Until people can tune into the NBC Nightly News and hear Brian Williams howl "DIE, DIE, DIE, BANKSTER FUCKS, FUCKING DIE!" mainstream media can not be considered anything but a propaganda channel for oligarchs.

19   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2013 Jul 27, 2:11am   ↑ like (2)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

OK, new game show...

20   someone else   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 28, 6:31am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

OK, it's over the top, but I could not stop laughing while reading this thread.

Free speech at its best.

21   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Jul 28, 10:47am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

HydroCabron says

benign and family-friendly torture and lust-murder of bankster fucks; i

Right, this is what PatNet is all about - Family Friendly immolation and torment of the guilty and diabolical.

Fuck, is there any reason we shouldn't be on the Disney channel?

22   curious2   ignore (0)   2013 Jul 28, 10:57am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

is there any reason we shouldn't be on the Disney channel?

I want to see AF at the Disney pitch meeting. "If you liked The Hunger Games, "Sesame Street," and ABC "News", you'll love AF=Shostakovich, broadcast live from Celebration, Florida!"

23   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Jul 28, 11:40pm   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. Why did the dead Realtor cross the road?
A. It was chained to a bumper.

Q. What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A. A bus load of Realtors on fire.

Q. What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead Realtors?
A. I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

Q. What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A. A Realtor tied to the back of a truck.

24   Bubbabeefcake   ignore (4)   2013 Jul 29, 2:54pm   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

The American Dream

25   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Aug 5, 12:17am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. What is the difference between a Realtor and a onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up the Realtor.

Q. What is the difference between a dead Realtor and a water melon?
A. One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

Q. How do you find the live Realtor in a pile of dead ones?
A. Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q. How do you save a drowning Realtor?
A. Harpoon it.

26   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Aug 5, 12:20am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

All right, zzz, I dunno if it's fair to be recyling old viola/viola player jokes and painting them up to attack Realtors. Fair to the violas and viola players, of course.

27   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Aug 5, 12:49am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCK is Shostakovich says

All right, zzz, I dunno if it's fair to be recyling old viola/viola player jokes and painting them up to attack Realtors. Fair to the violas and viola players, of course.

Actually they are dead baby jokes where I substituted Realtor for baby. Still just as funny!

Q. What do you call a dead Realtor pinned to your wall?
A. Art.

Q. What’s the difference between a dead Realtor and a peanut butter cup?
A. The dead Realtor won’t stick to the roof of your mouth.

Q. What is more fun than nailing a Realtor to a wall?
A. Ripping it off again.

Q. What is more fun than throwing a Realtor off the cliff?
A. Catching it with a pitchfork.

Q. What is more fun than swinging Realtors around on a clothesline?
A. Stopping them with a shovel.

28   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (38)   2013 Aug 5, 1:26am   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

No kidding. I think you and Poobah Pat ought to go to a novelty publisher with a proposal for a Realtor joke book. Or just find a production manager to produce an ebook, get it an ISBN and sell it out of Amazon. It'd be a best seller overnight. Then we can start the Banker Joke Book.

29   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Aug 5, 4:13am   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. What is more fun than throwing a Realtor off the cliff?
A. Catching it with a pitchfork.

Q. What is the worst part about killing a Realtor?
A. Getting blood on your clown suit.

30   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2013 Aug 5, 6:44am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

zzyzzx says

Q. Why did the dead Realtor cross the road?

A. It was chained to a bumper.

Um, that just makes me wonder what the vehicle was doing crossing the road instead of traveling on the road.

31   zzyzzx   ignore (1)   2013 Aug 8, 3:50am   ↑ like (1)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Q. How is a Realtor like a grape?
A. They both give a little wine when you squish them.

Q. How do you stop a Realtor from falling down a manhole?
A. Stick a javelin through it's head.

Q. What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A. A Realtor run over by a lawn mower.

Q. How many dead Realtors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.

Q. What is a sure way to stop a Realtor from lying?
A. With an axe.

32   marco   ignore (0)   2013 Aug 8, 5:09am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

They don't call it The National Association Of Rodents for nothing......


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