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KickStarter for Kim Jong-un Log Splitter Assassination Kit

By APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch follow APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   2014 Aug 5, 1:05pm 13,307 views   34 comments   watch   nsfw   quote   share    


http://www.lowes.com/Outdoors/Outdoor-Tools-Equipment/Axes-Mauls-Log-Splitters/Log-Splitters/_/N-1z0wgfd/pl#!

OK, after talking to a lot of your guys and taking a survey of PatNet members, it's clear that everyone wants me to take out REALTOR scum-bag dictator Kim Jong-un with a lot splitter.

I've selected the perfect instrument to squish the pudgy fucks little head.

Who wants to help me set up the kick starter to buy the log splitter?

#housing

1   Tenpoundbass   ignore (15)   2014 Aug 5, 1:26pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

That's the easy part then there's the logistics of smuggling it in to NK and disguising it as a Basketball post.

2   Strategist   ignore (2)   2014 Aug 5, 1:32pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

Who wants to help me set up the kick starter to buy the log splitter?

Lets just rent it. We only need it for a few minutes.
There must be a reward for turning in his head. We could get rich.

3   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 2:12pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I mean who the fuck in the world wouldn't pay handsomely to see Kim Jong-un's head stuffed into a log splitter and pulped?

PULP the KimFUCK!

4   Strategist   ignore (2)   2014 Aug 5, 2:19pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

I mean who the fuck in the world wouldn't pay handsomely to see Kim Jong-un's head stuffed into a log splitter and pulped?

PULP the KimFUCK!

My guess South Korea alone would pay $20 million to see his head on a stick. The Japanese $10 million. Cheapskate America $1 million.

5   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 2:20pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

31 million! Ballsy. I'll pay for the log splitter myself!

6   BlueSardine   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 5, 2:22pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

logsplitter's too lenient.
let him live on grass and piss for 50 years or so, while he watches all his prisoners dine on turkey with gravy nite after nite after...

7   Strategist   ignore (2)   2014 Aug 5, 2:24pm     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

SoftShell says

logsplitter's too lenient.

let him live on grass and piss for 50 years or so, while he watches all his prisoners dine on turkey with gravy nite after nite after...

We're Americans, we don't torture. Killing is OK.

8   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 2:35pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

SoftShell says

logsplitter's too lenient.

let him live on grass and piss for 50 years or so, while he watches all his prisoners dine on turkey with gravy nite after nite after...

How about chopping off parts of him and making him watch it get squished in the log splitter?

9   HydroCabron   ignore (1)   2014 Aug 5, 2:40pm     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

10   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 3:23pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Flame throwers?

Hibachis?

11   HydroCabron   ignore (1)   2014 Aug 5, 3:45pm     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

You'd need a substantial grill for that. Something that could cook a hairy mammoth.

Pkus restraints: you'll want to cook this one alive, because fear makes the meat more succulent.

12   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 5, 3:52pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

A rail splitter is a little extreme. An oversized vego-matic ought to do the trick.

13   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 5, 5:02pm     ↓ dislike (2)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

I've selected the perfect instrument to squish the pudgy fucks little head.

This is my Kim Jong-un death fantasy...

14   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 9:02pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

HydroCabron says

Pkus restraints: you'll want to cook this one alive, because fear makes the meat more succulent.

Hibachi it is. Worth taking the time to find a big one for the Kim Jong-un assassination project. Q: should we marinate him first?

15   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 9:03pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Ceffer says

A rail splitter is a little extreme. An oversized vego-matic ought to do the trick.

Great idea. We can get some volunteers to jump up and down on the vegomatic fulcrum to stuff him through the blades. Who wouldn't pay for the chance?

16   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 5, 9:05pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Dan8267 says

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

I've selected the perfect instrument to squish the pudgy fucks little head.

This is my Kim Jong-un death fantasy...

Nice concept but this guy lived.

The coup de grace should come when the red chick pulls out a spinning chain saw and fucks the subject in the ass with it.

Kim Jong-un would like that, I bet.

17   Tenpoundbass   ignore (15)   2014 Aug 5, 11:55pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Cut his junk off then call him Kimshe

18   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 6, 7:52am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

CaptainShuddup says

Cut his junk off then call him Kimshe

Can I nail it to his forehead with a thumbtack and give him the log splitter treatment?

19   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 6, 8:04am     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

Nice concept but this guy lived.

Sometimes living is worse.

20   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 6, 8:07am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Dan8267 says

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

Nice concept but this guy lived.

Sometimes living is worse.

Sure, but you have to admit the chain saw sodomy is a compelling idea for offing Kim Jong-un.

21   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 6, 8:15am     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

Professor Snape had a good idea.

22   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 6, 9:23am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

DIE! DIE, KIM JONG-UN, FUCKING DIE!

Who will do the chain saw ass fuck while I take care of his ugly face with the log splitter?

23   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 6, 4:00pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Better yet, let's marinate his face and plant it on a blazing hibachi.

What should we use for marinade?

24   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 6, 4:54pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

How about "Boar Bukake"? Boars ejaculate a half a pint to a pint of sperm per ejaculate. The Jong can be forced to blow boars until he is immersed in boar semen and is choking on it. Nobody would want to eat his face after that, though, but the boars might.

25   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 6, 11:53pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Ceffer says

How about "Boar Bukake"? Boars ejaculate a half a pint to a pint of sperm per ejaculate. The Jong can be forced to blow boars until he is immersed in boar semen and is choking on it. Nobody would want to eat his face after that, though, but the boars might.

This seems a perfectly reasonable way to celebrate the vile existence and its termination of the despised tyrant REALTOR Kim Jong-un.

But how can we be sure the boars will accept sexual favors from the tyrant REALTOR?

26   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 7, 12:48am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I have some female boar urine we could use.

27   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 7, 12:58am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Dan8267 says

I have some female boar urine we could use.

You think that would excite the boy boars enough to let Kim Jong-un blow them?

28   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 7, 1:17am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Works for me every Friday night.

29   Strategist   ignore (2)   2014 Aug 7, 1:18am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Ceffer says

How about "Boar Bukake"? Boars ejaculate a half a pint to a pint of sperm per ejaculate. The Jong can be forced to blow boars until he is immersed in boar semen and is choking on it. Nobody would want to eat his face after that, though, but the boars might.

I don't think even boars would be able to ejaculate if a freak like Kim Jong was the one giving head.

30   Dan8267   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 7, 1:20am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

The great leader Kim Jong-un has the face and the spirit of a boar. The boars would be gracious to ejaculate on great leader's face.

31   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2014 Aug 7, 2:19am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Strategist says

Ceffer says

How about "Boar Bukake"? Boars ejaculate a half a pint to a pint of sperm per ejaculate. The Jong can be forced to blow boars until he is immersed in boar semen and is choking on it. Nobody would want to eat his face after that, though, but the boars might.

I don't think even boars would be able to ejaculate if a freak like Kim Jong was the one giving head.

Good point.

32   lostand confused   ignore (0)   2014 Aug 7, 3:23am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Lets hook up Kim Jong Un with the woman who wants 565k a month in child support .

33   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2014 Aug 7, 3:31am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Strategist says

I don't think even boars would be able to ejaculate if a freak like Kim Jong was the one giving head.

Soak the Jong in boar sex pheromones and paste a curly tail on him.


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