15 Ways To Unleash The Power Of The Holy Spirit RIGHT NOW !
forgot password / register

reset password

register

patrick.net

 

#Religion


#housing #investing #politics #random more»
778,920 comments by 11,525 users, 3 online now: APOCALYPSEFUCK_is_ADORABLE, bob2356, Patrick
new post
« prev   Religion   next »

0
0

15 Ways To Unleash The Power Of The Holy Spirit RIGHT NOW !

By BayAreaObserver following x   2017 Jun 25, 4:38pm 263 views   2 comments   watch   quote     share  


If you are a born-again Christian, the Holy Spirit lives within you and offers you unfettered access to an amazing array of unfathomable supernatural power and abilities. As you learn to live in the unseen realm by ushering the power of God into your life by faith—with the help of chemical dumps in your brain resulting from forced emotional highs—you will come to see that you truly can “do all things!”

We’re very pleased to present you with 15 tried and true methods—proven ourselves—of activating the power of the Holy Spirit right now.

1.) Stand on your head while speaking in tongues. All Christians should do this every day, multiple times. As the blood rushes into your brain and you’re rattling off some “shatatatatas” like a spiritual M16, you will literally feel the power of God activate within your soul.

2.) Growl like a rabid wolf until you foam at the mouth. In your home, at work, on public transport—wherever and whenever you desire a real jolt of Holy Ghost power, just start growling and barking viciously until you begin the foam at the mouth like Old Yeller. And then offer a spiritual translation of your guttural noises to anyone within earshot.

3.) Intentionally crash your car into a light post. Feel that adrenaline flowing through you as you careen toward the post and smash into it head-on. Your body’s instinctive defense mechanisms will deploy, and you will feel a rush in your brain like none other. Then, after the initial adrenaline dump, as your body is drained of all energy, sob uncontrollably as you survey the damage done to your vehicle. Powerful anointing!

4.) Sit in a crowded public place and breathe loudly and rapidly out of your mouth. Spiritual mouth-breathing to the point of near-hyperventilation will cause you to become extremely light-headed and dizzy, which always means you are having a personal experience with God. When people approach you to see if you’re OK, prophesy over their lives.

5.) Punch yourself in the face as hard as you can. Your eyes will well up with tears as you encounter the Lord personally and intensely!

6.) Drink five large cans of Monster Energy in rapid succession. When you’re done, start speaking in tongues and prophesying about everything and everyone around you, and do not stop until you pass out from exhaustion.

7.) Go three full days without sleep. By the end of this practice, you’ll feel like you’re floating in the Third Heaven.

8.) Attend a funeral and cackle loudly the entire time. In a moment when everyone is thinking about death, activate the supernatural power inside you with some loud holy laughter. Then offer Spirit-filled interpretations of the stern looks everyone is shooting your way. Talk about being a light in a dark place!

9.) Think of the saddest thing that’s ever happened to you until you are forced to weep bitterly. Unleashing the power of the Holy Spirit in your life is all about manufacturing emotions. Just dwell on the most horrible thing you can think of until you’re wailing. This will result in a powerful anointing of God’s presence. (Note: this also works in worship services. Get those eye-faucets flowing!)

10.) Just whip yourself into a furious, trance-like frenzy, as if you’re a Norse berserker preparing for combat. Whatever it takes. Whatever you have to do. Talk about unleashing the power of God!

11.) Do a few tabs of acid and listen to The Newsboys. You will no doubt see visions of heavenly beings—angels, cherubs, ghosts, and maybe even some demons you can rebuke! As an added benefit, you’ll probably get some flashbacks later on down the road, where you’ll suddenly be thrust back into this unique prophetic vein.

12.) Stick your finger into a light socket. Instant Holy Spirit power!

13.) Break dance to the entirety of the Beastie Boys classic License to Ill and have a friend provide the spiritual interpretation of your dance. Break dance vigorously all the way from “Rhymin and Stealin” to “Time to Get Ill” while your friend interprets every dope spin and pop and lock. Seriously powerful stuff here.

14.) Eat at Taco Bell. And eat as much as you can. Within an hour you will feel a burning inside you, deep in your bowels, as the power of the Spirit overtakes you.

15.) Walk into a stranger’s home and ask if you can provide a prophetic interpretation of their wall decor. Watch God move as you waltz into someone’s home and blow their minds with a word of prophecy pertaining to their walls. Spirit unleashed!

There you have it. 15 proven methods of unleashing the power of God in your life. And you can do any one of these RIGHT NOW to activate the supernatural power of God within you.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go try them!

http://babylonbee.com/news/15-ways-unleash-power-holy-spirit-right-now/

#Religion #TruthOrHumor

1 Quigley   ignore (0)   2017 Jun 25, 5:27pm   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)     quote        

Sounds like 15 ways of getting high.

Glossolalia manifests in more than one culture, religion, and ethnicity. Scientists aren't sure what the purpose is, but it may be tied to a root human language, or it might just be babble. My opinion is that it's just babble.

If you'd like to read something entertaining about it, check out Neal Stephenson's "Snow Crash." Really interesting stuff!

2 HEY YOU   ignore (7)   2017 Jun 25, 7:27pm   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)     quote        

My wife & I have a friend that was raised in the Pentecost religion. She can speak fluently in tongues,lol,
& has not followed those beliefs in years. She will speak so fast that one might think she is actually saying something ,coherent,but I can't understand a single word.
I laugh so hard that my sides cramp.


Comment as anon_be5da or log in at top of page:

users   about   suggestions   source code   contact  
topics   best comments   comment jail   old posts by year  
10 reasons it's a terrible time to buy  
8 groups who lie about the housing market  
37 bogus arguments about housing  
get a free bumper sticker:

top   bottom   home