Comments 1 - 40 of 55 Next » Last » Search these comments
Selfish Act
I agree very much that it's morally wrong, especially if people were dependent on him. But I would try not to judge (implied by "selfish") something brought on essentially by brain chemistry, that is by something you or I (fortunately) can not fully comprehend or empathize with.
I try not to judge. But the BIL was about as straight a shooter as you'll find. No signs of anything you would think was off.
First time I've been hit by the suicide bug, if that's what you want to call it. It's a real eye opener, that's for sure.
Thanks for the sentiments.
No explanation in a note?
Nope. I wish. It's the strangest feeling I've had as an adult. I didn't tell my kids exactly what happened, but Jesus man, it's been a rough day. Two weeks ago we all went camping together. Rented a boat. Not a fucking peep and we were close enough that if something was giving him a hard time he would have told me.
I have this feeling of calm now, but also anger. Cancer is one thing. My old man has that and when that call comes I'm okay with it and so is he. That call this morning is like nothing I've ever experienced. It's the gut punch you weren't expecting. I keep going back to surreal. That's the only way I can explain it at this point.
I try not to judge. But the BIL was about as straight a shooter as you'll find. No signs of anything you would think was off.
You never can know. I had a friend who's uncle killed himself. Turned out only his best friend knew, not even his wife (who only remembered a few strange calls), but he had been getting death threats for years.
Nobody, not even his Best Friend, knew the why, and when I mean years I mean decades, it must have been something that happened when he was in his 20s.
You never know what can come up to make somebody kill themselves.
One other point - Robin Williams.
Turned out now he was diagnosed with Alzheimers or Dementia. The (increasing severity) of his Depression was mostly because of that diagnosis; he didn't not want to forget and become a vegetable.
One thing to check would be to see if he saw a doctor recently.
You never know what can come up to make somebody kill themselves.
I know that now. Humans are fucked up, that's for sure. Hasn't hit this close to home for sure. Lesson learned for me is ask questions. Probably couldn't have changed anything. But maybe if I had asked I would have found out.
One thing to check would be to see if he saw a doctor recently.
That's being looked into along with some other things. Either way, 35 year old dude doing relatively well doesn't just off himself normally. Bad days don't look so bad after today. Enjoy your kids. Have a beer. This spinning ball we're all on has a weird way of dumping us off of it whether we like it or not.
One thing to check would be to see if he saw a doctor recently.
That's being looked into along with some other things.
Check for SSRIs, some of which double suicidality. Check both Rx records and any actual bottles, because pharmacy errors can kill too. Government "helpers" tend to seize Rx bottles, but you will want to know exactly what's in them.
Alternatively, as 2Scoops suggested, check for recent diagnoses. And, check for life insurance and any recent trouble at work. Sometimes, a person can decide he's worth more to his family dead than alive, and sometimes that can be true.
None of us can live forever. 100 years from now, we'll probably all be gone, and none of these little Patfights (online catfights) will matter, even if NSA Total Information Awareness wastes money preserving them. It's just a ride.
Dane Cook's "Karaoke Kevin" SNL monologue might help.
Wookie man, I feel for your loss: the void thus created lasts until you die and when the last person who knew him dies.
----
In 1981 , i was working in IT in a company that my father was personnel manager, and I got a call from my mother who asked me to tell my father that my brother had committed suicide, as she could not tell him herself.
I have that void of my brother. . .
No meds involved. Didn't have life insurance. Looks like someone seriously depressed and we all had no clue. I quite honestly hope there's another explanation for it. I will update if there is. At this point, just seems like he didn't dig spinning on the earth at this point in time.
I agree very much that it's morally wrong, especially if people were dependent on him. But I would try not to judge (implied by "selfish") something brought on essentially by brain chemistry, that is by something you or I (fortunately) can not fully comprehend or empathize with.
I try not to judge. But the BIL was about as straight a shooter as you'll find. No signs of anything you would think was off.
I am very sorry this happened to your family.
But I think Marcus is right here. I'm sure your BIL loved his kids and would never want to hurt them. He just wasn't in a right state of mind to think clearly at that crucial moment.
Let go of your anger and concentrate on helping his kids.
Patnetters...what are your thoughts? Brother-in-law killed himself today.
-------------
Sometimes there's value in keeping family matters private, until you know the full story. Don't rush to judge.
Take a lesson from the suicide: this too shall pass. Often it is in the moment when things seem so extreme and intense, and with a little time, things find their level.
Personally, I've always found the most value in keeping family business in house. This is really no one else's business, especially not so important as to share with the world the day of. This isn't Facebook
I quite honestly hope there's another explanation for it. I will update if there is.
There will or shoud be a complete forensic investigation to rule out foul play which in this instance might give a bit of relief if it turned out to be the case--but that would open a whole other realm of tragedy if it were.
Let go of your anger and concentrate on helping his kids.
Sometimes there's value in keeping family matters private, until you know the full story. Don't rush to judge.
Take a lesson from the suicide: this too shall pass. Often it is in the moment when things seem so extreme and intense, and with a little time, things find their level.
Personally, I've always found the most value in keeping family business in house. This is really no one else's business, especially not so important as to share with the world the day of. This isn't Faceboo
Sorry!
Let my think of all the ways I can make a judgment call without reading someone's mind & walking in their shoes.
That's the great benefit of anonymous, untracked speech. Get to vent or ask for advice without undesired meatspace consequences.
What's it like in your country, Thunderlips? Can people choose when to die? Can they consume flowers without risking imprisonment?
errc saysWhat's it like in your country, Thunderlips? Can people choose when to die? Can they consume flowers without risking imprisonment?
Weed should be legal, if just for the reason that pot people can smoke themselves into silence and stop spouting that marijuana legalization is the sole issue upon which all of society, the future of the human race, and Freedom! pivots.
Poppy is a flower too. And yes, people should be free to dose themselves with that, too.
Some people would benefit from eating a large quantity of Jimsonweed flowers.
I've had times in the past where I thought the best solution was the final solution. Never acted on it or gave any hint to those around me. Just a small tip in the wrong direction could have left my family/friends asking questions and feeling hurt. Part of the male identity is projecting strength right up to the bitter end.
Is that how it is in your country where you live?
Damn, that sounds smug and dismissive. Are there really "pot people " like that?
About 10 years ago a friend of mine did just the same thing. Leaving behind a wife and 4 kids. It is really hard to know just what he was going through. I wouldn't have suspected anything. It was shocking. It was tragic. It was final. And that is what makes it so hard.
And this is kind of what I was looking for in a way. Almost a validation that it just happens. Since I started the original post feelings have changed, that's for sure. But the way you write it, even 10 years later, it still just doesn't make sense. Suicide is common enough, but I don't actually think that many people experience it on a a very close level. It doesn't make sense and I'll quite possibly never make sense of it, even 10 years from now from today. I just don't get how to help that person that is so tormented and they can't even tell you. You don't know. They know. And BOOM! They make shit real, really quick.
WookiMan, I am sure you are going through a lot of emotions. Your wife, those kids, your BIL's family, parents are going through a lot too.
Just do what you should do, and your stress will go down.
Become a VA Volunteer. It will change your life forever.
Act forward for the family, but glance rearward for learning. Sadness might have a genetic component
Honestly emotions are at level zero now (in a good way). What can I (we) do?
Comments 1 - 40 of 55 Next » Last » Search these comments
We were booked for a trip leaving Wednesday as well. First vacation we had insurance for if we cancel. Pretty sure we're going to cancel at this point. It's rather mind numbing how fast life can flip you on your head.
It's been a rather surreal day so far. Please check on anyone you think is off their rocker. I don't want today to happen to anyone else if it can be avoided.