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United Airlines: The Airline of Bug-Eyed Sadists Who Want You To Suffer Because They Hate Their Jobs and Their Lives

By APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch follow APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   2018 Mar 13, 9:55pm 5,109 views   31 comments   watch   nsfw   quote   share    


https://nypost.com/2018/03/13/dog-dies-after-united-flight-attendant-forces-it-into-overhead-bin/

How could this have been worse?

Maybe the steward could have shot the dog and forced the owner to have sex with it at gunpoint while demanding all the passengers video the scene and post it to Facebook.
1   Patrick   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 13, 10:11pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Actually just flew United and it was pretty uncomfortable.
2   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2018 Mar 14, 12:02am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Patrick says
Actually just flew United and it was pretty uncomfortable.


I was a frequent flier in 2007. Completely off United now. All my domestic miles are on JetBlue and internationally I'll jump on most any national carrier - FinnAir, IcelandAir, Iberia. Last trips inside the EU were on WOW Airlines and BalticAir. Miss nothing about FuckYouDie Air.
3   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2018 Mar 14, 2:00am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Trump would have put peanut butter on his asshole and brought the pooch back to life.
4   6rdB   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 14, 8:05am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says
Maybe the steward could have shot the dog and forced the owner to have sex with it at gunpoint while demanding all the passengers video the scene and post it to Facebook.

Stuff United CEO in the overhead bin and fly to Japan. Or "re-acommodate" him, which is newspeak for beating up paying passengers.
5   Strategist   ignore (2)   2018 Mar 14, 8:09am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Feux Follets says
Patrick says
pretty uncomfortable


As compared to what ? American Airlines ? Allegiant Air ?

Uncomfortable how ? Unsmiling service from those svelte flight attendants who were trained at Buchenwald and are old enough to your mother ? Shouldn't have asked for more of anything if it was free.

Uncomfortable how ? Shitty coach seats that haven't been cleaned since god knows when. Did you get a dry one that someone didn't spill something on ?

Uncomfortable how ? Ignorant seat mates beside, in front and in back of you ? Common to all domestics airlines now and a lot of the international carriers as well.

Uncomfortable how ? Did all the parts stay on your plane ? No emergency diversions ? No overly obnoxious drunks ? If so you did well.


Most of the airlines suck. The United flight we took to Kona last month didn't even have a screen to watch a movie. Didn't care much because the ticket was so cheap. No hot flight attendants either :(
6   Tenpoundbass   ignore (15)   2018 Mar 14, 8:13am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I flew back from Malaysia cattle car on United. I had 8oz of water during the 13 hour flight.
I was so dehydrated I was sick for a 3 days. The attendants would just rush through the isles and hand out a sandwich a 4 oz cup of water which at least 2oz was ice cubes.
Then they would go back up stairs to first class, and turned the lights off. We wouldn't see them again for 4 or 5 hours. I got 2 or 3 servings of water like that.
7   DryMap   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 14, 8:28am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I avoid any US airlines for international travel; their service is very poor.

Used to have gold frequent flyer status with United. Then one summer flew with them to EU, even though it was not the cheapest flight, just to keep the status. But they did not give me the miles - something about the fare code. What, now I am supposed to be familiar and check their fare codes too? Fuck them.
8   DryMap   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 14, 8:43am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Another case. Arriving 2.5 hours before flight at SJC, flight is to Canada with connection somewhere in the US. Line moves very slowly. 1 hour before flight I approach the check-in counter and tell them I'm worried about missing the flight. They tell me "don't worry, plenty of time." 10 min later, the same person I talked to comes out and announces they are not checking for that flight any more. I tell her: "but you just told me.." She: "I did not. I don't know you. Did you just arrive at the airport?" I ask the guy in from to me to confirm I've been there in line all the time, for 1.5h. He confirms. At this moment another guy (just a passenger, a wanna be Moderator) approaches and tells me to go away or he'll call security. For what?? While I am fending him off, the airline person disappears. BTW, I had my kids with me, the youngest still a baby.

Later they tell me that since my final destination is Canada, I should have arrived not 2.5 but 3h in advance. How would that have changed anything? There were people both in front and behind me on the line who were left. I boycotted United for several years after that.
9   CornPoptheOriginalGangster   ignore (5)   2018 Mar 14, 8:48am     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

Passenger Bill of Rights. That's one super subsidized industry, from Airport to Airplane to Avgas. Almost no aspect of that business isn't heavily subsidized.

So in return, 22" mandatory seats width on International and 21" on Domestic, plane age limits, a backdoor age restriction on cabin staff for "Safety Reasons" (Physical Strength), etc.

Also, legalize the Knee Defender(tm)! Grown adults can survive a few hours without playing with the buttons until the seat goes Alll Da Wayyy Back, Awwwwwwww. The asshole reclines his seat, then you have to, or you can't do jack shit, barely read your Kindle because of the recline is halfway over your tiny amount of space.

I swear the next Adult Toddler who can't handle a 3 hour flight without leaning backward with their bald spot or weave in my face, I'll use their head as a cup holder.

Bring back more room or can the incline on flights of less than 4-5 hours and sit up straight like momma told you.
10   NuttBoxer   ignore (2)   2018 Mar 14, 9:06am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

As people are having less kids, I've noticed a trend toward very weird behavior with taking pet everywhere and treating them like kids. When I was younger I don't ever remember anyone taking a dog on a flight. When I flew to Chicago last November, dogs everywhere. Not sure why you would take a dog on an airplane unless you are moving. Seems like a stressful situation for the dog in the best of circumstances.

As far as this incident, just a logical progression of the degradation of human rights post 9/11. People are so scared of getting arrested, they'll entertain any absurd request.
11   rocketjoe79   ignore (1)   2018 Mar 14, 9:14am     ↓ dislike (2)   quote   flag        

Also, legalize the Knee Defender(tm)!

No. I fly alot and have paid in full for my reclining seat. If someone were to use it, I would ask the FA to confiscate it.
12   CornPoptheOriginalGangster   ignore (5)   2018 Mar 14, 9:22am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

rocketjoe79 says
No. I fly alot and have paid in full for my reclining seat. If someone were to use it, I would ask the FA to confiscate it.


No. I'm reading my kindle, and if the top of your chair is 5 inches from my chest , I'll rest my book on your head. I paid for that space.

Get your head off my lap.
13   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2018 Mar 14, 9:33am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

drB6 says

Stuff United CEO in the overhead bin and fly to Japan. Or "re-acommodate" him, which is newspeak for beating up paying passengers.


Now that;'s INNOVATION!
14   6rdB   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 14, 9:49am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

Now that;'s INNOVATION!

And sell tickets to that flight with 500% markup - I would buy one myself. If United CEO does not agree to being stuffed in overhead bin, he is against PROFIT!, hates CAPITALISM, and is a commie and Russian stooge.
15   missing   ignore (1)   2018 Mar 14, 9:55am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I don't need knee defender. I just put my knees frimly against the back of the seat and prevent it from reclining. Have done this several times and it has worked. The person makes a few attempts and gives up; probably thinks the recliner is damaged.

If I miss the moment, I just push/kick the seat every few minutes. Watching the head bounces is quite satisfying.
16   HEYYOU   ignore (34)   2018 Mar 14, 9:56am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

The only proper response:
"Looks like stockholders will join my dog.
Your money is not more important than my pet. Why did you have to piss me off?"
or
"Kill my dog & DIE."
17   CornPoptheOriginalGangster   ignore (5)   2018 Mar 14, 10:09am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

FP says
I don't need knee defender. I just put my knees frimly against the back of the seat and prevent it from reclining. Have done this several times and it has worked. The person makes a few attempts and gives up; probably thinks the recliner is damaged.


Great idea. Will use!

Also thinking of slobbering over the person's head, since I have to bend my arms in order to get my cup-bearing hand to my mouth around the top of the reclined seat , I'll just have a few oopsies.

And a nice juicy sneeze or two.
18   Patrick   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 14, 12:31pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Feux Follets says
As compared to what ? American Airlines ? Allegiant Air ?

Uncomfortable how ? Unsmiling service from those svelte flight attendants who were trained at Buchenwald and are old enough to your mother ? Shouldn't have asked for more of anything if it was free.

Uncomfortable how ? Shitty coach seats that haven't been cleaned since god knows when. Did you get a dry one that someone didn't spill something on ?

Uncomfortable how ? Ignorant seat mates beside, in front and in back of you ? Common to all domestics airlines now and a lot of the international carriers as well.

Uncomfortable how ? Did all the parts stay on your plane ? No emergency diversions ? No overly obnoxious drunks ? If so you did well.


Compared to Southwest, which is much more pleasant.

Uncomfortable because United seems to have reduced legroom more than other airlines. And yes, the flight attendants were old and not cheerful. Again, Southwest attendants are more cheerful for some reason. And United charges a fee for every bag checked, unlike Southwest again. And United charges a lot to change your flight, while it's free to change on Southwest.

Southwest's open seating policy is also much nicer and faster than assigned seating. Why can't United be like Southwest?
19   Iranian_Oil_Burse   ignore (6)   2018 Mar 14, 12:37pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

TwoScoopsPlissken says
FP says
I don't need knee defender. I just put my knees frimly against the back of the seat and prevent it from reclining. Have done this several times and it has worked. The person makes a few attempts and gives up; probably thinks the recliner is damaged.


Great idea. Will use!

Also thinking of slobbering over the person's head, since I have to bend my arms in order to get my cup-bearing hand to my mouth around the top of the reclined seat , I'll just have a few oopsies.

And a nice juicy sneeze or two.


What a bunch of pleasant, civilized people...
20   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2018 Mar 14, 12:39pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Count your blessings. In ten years, planes will have goats and hay, with vodka swilling babushkas thrashing you back into your seats with broom handles.
21   Quigley   ignore (2)   2018 Mar 14, 12:59pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I do feel like all the hate against fellow passengers is misplaced. It’s the airline’s responsibility to make the travel experience reasonable. If they skimp on space to the point that people can’t have a what they purchased from the airline (a reasonably safe, reasonably comfortable trip), then customers should be complaining about them, and boycotting if necessary!
22   Iranian_Oil_Burse   ignore (6)   2018 Mar 14, 1:00pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Quigley says
I do feel like all the hate against fellow passengers is misplaced.


It also serves to make the conditions more miserable, not less.
23   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2018 Mar 14, 1:12pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

If you really hate passengers, you'll bring on a bag of tangerines and peel them slowly.

Everyone goes nuts and wants one.

Then when you've got everyone's attention, eat them and moan while chewing and swallowing.

Once you're down to ONE tangerine, you leap into the aisle with a monster hard-on and offer to trade the last tangerine for a satisfying blow job.

Of course, it may take sixteen or 17 attempts to satisfy a tangerine lover, but you won't say it's an auction or a sale, right?
24   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2018 Mar 15, 6:06pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I took Malaysia Airlines from London - really cheap business class.

If you flew any airline economy to KL, of course, Obama would beat you up on the stairs and take your crust of bread and force you to suck his tranny wife, Michelle's, dick at gun point.
25   CornPoptheOriginalGangster   ignore (5)   2018 Mar 15, 6:09pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Quigley says
I do feel like all the hate against fellow passengers is misplaced. It’s the airline’s responsibility to make the travel experience reasonable. If they skimp on space to the point that people can’t have a what they purchased from the airline (a reasonably safe, reasonably comfortable trip), then customers should be complaining about them, and boycotting if necessary!


Rats in a cage, man.

Also, allow tipping of air waitresses/stewardesses. That would help big league.
26   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch   ignore (43)   2018 Mar 15, 9:14pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I had a stretch where I ended up on ANA years ago.

A complete hoot.

The planes were 10,000 years old and really comfortable. Huge seats.

The stewardesses cruised all the time with carts full of beer and snacks and stuff.

Like being in a flying museum.
27   Patrick   ignore (0)   2018 Mar 16, 7:44am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

TwoScoopsPlissken says
Rats in a cage, man.


I had a lab tech job as an undergrad where I had to make rats swim in a big sink filled with warm water. Lab was studying how exercise produces opioid peptides.

If you put 20 rats in the water with no way to climb out, they start climbing on each other, which results is a rotating ball of rats in the water as the ones from the bottom climb up the other rats to be on top. They really didn't have a lot of respect for each other. I suppose people on cramped airplanes are better than rats when things are going well, but I'm sure it's nasty in evacuations.
28   CornPoptheOriginalGangster   ignore (5)   2018 Mar 16, 8:47am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Feux Follets says
Paying them a living wage would really help - really, like in Big League Help. Of course the executive ranks may have to suck it up a few dollars so that will never happen.


A Passenger's Bill of Rights would help more.

I have no faith that anything will change coddled Management's mindset.

They're subsidized up the ass, from reduced tax on gas, to the airframes, to the airports. In return, they need to do shit for the taxpayer.

I still like my annual "Thank you to the taxpayers" letter required of all recipients of government grants, tax breaks, etc. over $10,000/year.

"As CEO of American Airlines I--- I----, ugh I thank the US taxpayer for our huge subsidies"

"The Lesbian Women's Teledildonics Assocation -- gulp, ugh - thanks the EVIL WHITE MALE US TAXPAYER SCUM! for the $30,000 grant we got last year. Although that should only be the start of the compensation for Lesbian Women of Color!"
29   Ceffer   ignore (3)   2018 Mar 16, 9:10am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I'll start to worry more when they make the passenger cylinder detachable during flight.

The pilot can just fly his compartment to a non-extraditable country.
30   Iranian_Oil_Burse   ignore (6)   2018 Mar 16, 12:32pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Feux Follets says
Push the call button


Flew couple of newish B737s and E190s recently: no call buttons at all.

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