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1999 Toyota Corolla — Fine AF.

By Patrick following x   2018 May 15, 10:08pm 698 views   5 comments   watch   nsfw   quote     share    

You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.

The 1999 Toyota Corolla.

Let’s talk about features.

Bluetooth: nope

Sunroof: nope

Fancy wheels: nope

Rear view camera: nope...but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

Things this car is old enough to do:

Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes

Rent a car: it IS a car

This car’s got history. It’s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:

This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey.

In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.”

When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary “Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla”

You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite tv show: Alf

Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”

Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.

Original post: https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html

1   HEYYOU   ignore (25)   2018 May 15, 11:19pm   ↑ like (4)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Great post!

Vehicles are such ego trips.
Plain Jane 2000 Toyota Tacoma 4 cyl. extended cab,long bed. Yes,living above my means.
Can fix anything on if I'm not too lazy at the time. Drive it till I die & then be buried in it.
3   Goran_K   ignore (1)   2018 May 17, 8:27am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Plain Jane 2000 Toyota Tacoma 4 cyl. extended cab,long bed. Yes,living above my means.
Can fix anything on if I'm not too lazy at the time. Drive it till I die & then be buried in it.

Yes that truck will probably last another 30 years but let's not act like it's some comfortable transportation. Old Tacomas are small, rattling cans, that Jihadis use to mount old Russian machine guns onto.
4   Hugolas_Madurez   ignore (4)   2018 May 17, 10:44am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Ah, the baby-poop-colored Corolla.... Brings back memories. SFBA used to be chockfull of these in 99-03: they were extremely popular among chindian h1b holders. You could drive (or rather crawl at 5mph) down US-101 and see these literally on all four sides of you. Sometimes 2 deep.
5   Ceffer   ignore (1)   2018 May 17, 10:58am   ↑ like (0)   ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

It's the only car that is color coordinated with fast food wrappers.

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