patrick.net
An Antidote to Corporate Media
1,189,998 comments by 13,851 users - goofus, GreaterNYCDude, RayAmerica, RWSGFY online now
Transitioning Our Cat into a Dog ... We Need Advice
invite response
2022 Nov 26, 7:06am 350 views 5 comments
Comments 1 - 5 of 5 Search these comments
1
Hircus
2022 Nov 26, 7:27am
Hircus
2022 Nov 26, 7:27am
Start by putting a spike collar on her (uh, I mean put it on "they"?) and start calling her spike. Or maybe something more neutral and ambiguous like spikey until it chooses a gender to assign itself.
Get a dog trainer to teach it to eat the face of anyone who uses the words she or he. Damn bigots deserve it.
Buy scooby snacks and give they some in front of others. Make sure to say "here spikey, want a scooby snack?!?" so others know they has canine-congruent dietary preferences.
Maybe buy a remote controlled speaker that lets you press various buttons to make barking sounds, and tie it to they neck. This will help they express themselves how they want to be seen and heard. Do not EVER run out of batteries, as that would be hateful and a form of deadmeowing.
Get a dog trainer to teach it to eat the face of anyone who uses the words she or he. Damn bigots deserve it.
Buy scooby snacks and give they some in front of others. Make sure to say "here spikey, want a scooby snack?!?" so others know they has canine-congruent dietary preferences.
Maybe buy a remote controlled speaker that lets you press various buttons to make barking sounds, and tie it to they neck. This will help they express themselves how they want to be seen and heard. Do not EVER run out of batteries, as that would be hateful and a form of deadmeowing.
2
Tenpoundbass
2022 Nov 26, 7:27am
Tenpoundbass
2022 Nov 26, 7:27am
Address it as "Here boy" as calling out "Kitty kitty kitty!" would be hate speech.
3
GreaterNYCDude
2022 Nov 26, 8:36am
My cat had the same issue. Fxe (the gender neutral pronoun for formerly feline creatures) would play fetch, sniff at things when curious, fxe even vocalize like a canine with a grunt rather than a traditional meow. Unfortunately the local vet refused treatment and fxe passed in March 2021, presumably due to Covid.
4
DD214
2022 Nov 26, 10:23am
RayAmerica says
Why ? Just enjoy her and consider sending a video clip along with commentary to American Funniest Home Videos and see if you can make some $$ of this.
Perhaps she simply marches to the beat of a different drummer and you are not able to hear the drum.
How do we go about transitioning her into a dog
Why ? Just enjoy her and consider sending a video clip along with commentary to American Funniest Home Videos and see if you can make some $$ of this.
Perhaps she simply marches to the beat of a different drummer and you are not able to hear the drum.
and she'll bring it back to you , as in, over and over again. She also 'rolls over' just like a dog. She doesn't even sound like a cat, more like a cross between a duck and a dog, although once in a while, she forgets herself and lets out the traditional meow. Like a dog, she follows us everywhere. Whatever room we're in, she's got to be there. Cats don't do that, dogs do. There's more, but I'll stop here. You get the picture, our cat thinks she's a dog.
Here's where we need advice. How do we go about transitioning her into a dog. I mean, is there some type of operation out there? Are there legal papers that can be
filed somewhere (a Democrat Judge perhaps)? Can we sue people (like our Vet) that refuses to treat her like a dog? Would we be allowed to take her to a Dog Park? Would
we be allowed to put a 'Beware of Dog' sign in our front yard? Could we enroll her in dog training classes, and if they refuse, could we sue? Could we sue people that
laugh at her while showing their hate-filled biases? Would we qualify for some type of Government assistance program?
PS: Although I've used the 'she' pronoun, I'm not sure which pronoun our cat, I mean dog (I'm not sure what I mean) would identify with, posing a whole bunch of new problems.