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"Emotional labor": Feminists want to get paid for it


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2016 Feb 19, 6:24pm   18,621 views  32 comments

by justme   ➕follow (1)   💰tip   ignore  

What is "emotional labor", exactly? Well, I thought about it for a while, and I decided to call it by its proper name: NAGGING

Here is an article that uses the term. I must have seen it in 10 different places the last week. It is becoming a "thing", as they say.

Feminism
14 February 2016
Maybe you should just be single
"This isn’t your standard anti-Valentine’s day rant."

http://www.newstatesman.com/print/node/300989

Buried under the avalanche of hearts and flowers is an uncomfortable fact: romantic partnership is, and always has been, an economic arrangement. The economics may have changed in recent decades, as many women have gained more financial independence, but it’s still about the money. It’s about who does the domestic labour, the emotional labour, the work of healing the walking wounded of late capitalism. It’s about organising people into isolated, efficient, self-reproducing units and making them feel bad when it either fails to happen or fails to bring them happiness.

The article also contains a lot of standard feminist tripe that is between 90 and 180 degrees away from the truth. Some examples:

QUOTE:

I have spent most of my twenties single, sometimes by choice, and sometimes because I was dating men and unable to locate one of those who didn’t try to hold me back or squash me down. I spent quite a lot of time being sad about that, even though my life was full of friends, fulfilling work, interesting lovers and overseas adventures. Looking back, though, staying single was probably the best decision I made, in terms of my career, my dedication to my work and activism, and the lessons I learned about how to care for myself and other people.

I don’t mean to suggest that I don’t also have gigantic, awkward flaws that make me largely unbearable to be with—just that boys rarely stuck around long enough to find that out. Plenty of them were perfectly happy to sleep with me, but after a little while, when I became a real person to them, when it became more than just sex, they turned mean or walked away.

You see, I don’t believe that my relationship constitutes a happy ending. I don’t want a “happy ending”. I don’t want an ending at all, particularly not while I’m still in my goddamn twenties—I want a long life full of work and adventure. I absolutely don’t see partnership as the end of that adventure. And I still believe that being single is the right choice for a great many young women.

Nothing frustrates me so much as watching young women at the start of their lives wasting years in succession on lacklustre, unappreciative, boring child-men who were only ever looking for a magic girl to show off to their friends, a girl who would in private be both surrogate mother and sex partner. I’ve been that girl. It’s no fun being that girl. That girl doesn’t get to have the kind of adventures you really ought to be having in your teens and twenties. It’s not that her dreams and plans don’t matter, but they always matter slightly less than the boy’s, because that’s what boys are taught to expect—that their girlfriend is there to play a supporting role in their life.

Young women are meant to prioritise men’s romantic approval, and young men often struggle to imagine a world in which we might have other priorities.

“In patriarchal culture,” as bell hooks observes in All About Love: New Visions, “men are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort. More often than not they do not want to do the work that love demands.” Even the very best and sweetest of men have too often been raised with the expectation that once a woman is in their lives romantically, they will no longer have to do most of the basic chores involved in taking care of themselves. When I’ve spoken critically about this monolithic ideal of romantic love in the past, most of the pushback I’ve received has been from men, some of it violent, and no wonder. Men usually have far more to gain from this sort of traditional arrangement. Men are allowed to think of romantic love as a feeling, an experience, a gift that they expect to be given as a reward for being their awesome selves. That sounds like a great deal to me. I wouldn’t want that challenged.

AND THESE WHOPPERS OF LIES:

“In patriarchal culture,” as bell hooks observes in All About Love: New Visions, “men are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort. More often than not they do not want to do the work that love demands.”

Women, by contrast, learn from an early age that love is work. That in order to be loved, we will need to work hard, and if we want to stay loved we will need to work harder. We take care of people, soothe hurt feelings, organise chaotic lives and care for men who never learned to care for themselves, regardless of whether or not we’re constitutionally suited for such work. We do this because we are told that if we don’t, we will die alone and nobody will find us until an army of cats has eaten all the skin off our faces.

Comments 1 - 32 of 32        Search these comments

1   Strategist   2016 Feb 19, 6:35pm  

justme says

NAGGING

Men should get paid for having to put up with it.

2   MisdemeanorRebel   2016 Feb 19, 6:51pm  

Ooooh, it's that crazy loon Laurie Penny!

Here's Laurie Penny being put in her place after she attacks British Historian David Starkey over the massive Rotherham Child Prostitution Ring and insinuating he didn't pay British Taxes.

www.youtube.com/embed/oj9dA6E3fJw

"I came from the bottom, and will not be lectured to by a jumped up Public School Girl like you!"

Remember in Britain, Public = Elite Private Prep School, the opposite of the US Meaning. Another Trust Fund Social Justice Warrior Feminist.

3   resistance   2016 Feb 19, 8:12pm  

Feminism means the devaluing and mockery of motherhood.

Feminism encourages women to act like men, and men to act like women.

Feminism encourages women to fuck as many men as they like, and tells them there will be no consequences.

Feminism is cultural and demographic suicide. All populations infected by feminism are self-destructing as we speak.

The only good part is that feminists are self-exterminating.

4   justme   2016 Feb 19, 8:45pm  

justme says

(Laurie Penny says)

We take care of people, soothe hurt feelings, organise chaotic lives and care for men who never learned to care for themselves, regardless of whether or not we’re constitutionally suited for such work.

Man, after watching that video with Laurie Penny above, in addition to what she wrote, I have to say I would hate to have Laurie Penny trying to "soothe" me. I would not be willing to pay for her "emotional labour" either.

5   turtledove   2016 Feb 19, 8:49pm  

Girls rule; boys drool.

6   justme   2016 Feb 19, 8:56pm  

turtledove says

Girls rule; boys drool.

That's about the level at which feminism finds itself, yes,

7   lostand confused   2016 Feb 19, 9:48pm  

Were there crazy old cat ladies before the rise of feminazism???

8   just_passing_through   2016 Feb 19, 9:49pm  

They were called old maids.

9   Ceffer   2016 Feb 19, 11:11pm  

“men are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort. More often than not they do not want to do the work that love demands.”

Typical feminist cheap shot.

Like, all that thrusting isn't work?

10   Strategist   2016 Feb 20, 5:20am  

lostand confused says

Were there crazy old cat ladies before the rise of feminazism???

Witches. Some got burnt at the stake.

11   georgeliberte   2016 Feb 20, 7:23am  

Ah gee, chose the wrong men for the wrong reasons (broad shoulder, pretty eyes, etc.) and things don't work out. Conclusion all men are at fault. Sorry honey, but lesbian relationships are not all loving happy arrangements either.

12   turtledove   2016 Feb 20, 1:50pm  

lostand confused says

Were there crazy old cat ladies before the rise of feminazism???

They were called witches and they were typically burned or drowned.

13   turtledove   2016 Feb 20, 1:51pm  

Strategist says

lostand confused says

Were there crazy old cat ladies before the rise of feminazism???

Witches. Some got burnt at the stake.

Sorry. You beat me to it.

14   turtledove   2016 Feb 20, 1:55pm  

Dan8267 says

As bad as the left is, at least they don't rape, murder, and enslave like conservatives.

I suppose this could be true if you carefully select who you include in "the left."

15   Dan8267   2016 Feb 20, 2:35pm  

turtledove says

I suppose this could be true if you carefully select who you include in "the left."

The Left
In the pockets of teacher unions.
Prosecute any hate speech as well as any politically incorrect speech.
Misandrists, false accusations of rape
Deny the horrors committed by Muslims in the name of religion.

The Right
In the pockets of big oil and big polluters.
Prosecute any behavior that Christian clergy don't like: sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll.
Deny the horrors committed by Christians in the name of religion.
Racists
Pro-torture and pro-rape as "intensive interrogation" and as punishment
Commit genocide and steal other nation's resources
Deny climate change so that we cannot protect ourselves against it.
Makes Orwell look like an optimist.

The left is bad. The right is far worse.

16   turtledove   2016 Feb 20, 3:58pm  

The left ain't in the pockets of just teachers unions. They are in the pockets of all unions. As for "racists"... I suppose that depends on what you see as racism. Many see racism in the need to equalize things. Many see racism in all the lefty programs that basically say, "you are incapable of taking care of yourself. Let us help you because we know best." Though the right has people who are overt racists, so does the left... and I would hardly say that racism rules either party. Pro-torture... There are so many left-side examples where torture has been promoted. You just have to look around the globe a little to see that the left ideology is far from lily white in this regard. And here, those torture programs you are eluding to existed just the same as when democrats were in charge. Why didn't they ban them if they found them so distasteful? As for climate change... Republicans en masse aren't denying climate change. It's in the lefty assertion of MANMADE climate change that the disagreement exists.

17   Heraclitusstudent   2016 Feb 20, 4:22pm  

justme says

I have spent most of my twenties single, sometimes by choice, and sometimes because I was dating men and unable to locate one of those who didn’t try to hold me back or squash me down. I spent quite a lot of time being sad about that, even though my life was full of friends, fulfilling work, interesting lovers and overseas adventures. Looking back, though, staying single was probably the best decision I made, in terms of my career, my dedication to my work and activism, and the lessons I learned about how to care for myself and other people.

A young woman left intellectually and emotionally confused by narratives and rationalizations that do not fit the reality of human lives. She doesn't have the slightest clue of what kind of efforts a family requires. She doesn't seem to harbor the slightest insight on how this looks from a man's perspective. And between the lines, a fair measure of distress.

I don't know if the problem is feminism by itself. The real problem is that the establishment that leads this country sees women taking care of children as a loss of human capital (and a loss of GDP since their work is not counted). As a result they chose to make feminism a part of their constant propaganda. And the result is close to half of educated women end-up childless. A veritable genocide of the educated class, and an unacknowledged human drama.
Then they come and tell you immigration is needed - and if you are against it, you're a racist.
This is the establishment that Hillary represents.

18   MisdemeanorRebel   2016 Feb 20, 4:24pm  

The Establishment supports Women working for the same reason they support Immigration: A Wage Crusher.

Think about what American wages would look like if we had 1950s female labor participation rates.

19   MisdemeanorRebel   2016 Feb 20, 4:25pm  

Heraclitusstudent says

And the result is close to half of educated women end-up childless. A veritable genocide of the educated class, and an unacknowledged human drama.

Then they come and tell you immigration is needed - and if you are against it, you're a racist.

This is the establishment that Hillary represents.

Bloody Genius. Everything you wrote should be capitalized, bolded and in Size 18 Font.

In most of human history, the best educated generally had MORE children survive to adulthood. What we have is the worst, most dependent, most dumb people reproducing the most.

20   Dan8267   2016 Feb 20, 4:41pm  

turtledove says

The left ain't in the pockets of just teachers unions. They are in the pockets of all unions.

Still less scary than being in the pockets of big oil, transnational corporations, and the military industrial complex.

turtledove says

Many see racism in all the lefty programs that basically say, "you are incapable of taking care of yourself. Let us help you because we know best."

I'm sure supporters of those programs would phrase it as "everyone needs a helping hand and these programs empower people and help them get on their feet". In any case, there is no comparison between programs like food stamps, assisted housing, and food on wheels with the horrors of slavery, segregation, the war on drugs, and the prison industry. Even if you are against the anti-poverty programs -- and there are legitimate criticisms of them -- at least the intentions are good. The intentions on the right are down-right evil.

turtledove says

I would hardly say that racism rules either party.

I would have agreed with that before Obama won the Democratic nomination in 2008. Then all the racists came out of the woodwork. The racism since the Obama administration started has been painfully obvious and overt. And this is coming from someone who went on the record many times calling Obama the worst president ever.

Much of the immigration debate is thinly masked racism as well.

turtledove says

There are so many left-side examples where torture has been promoted.

Obama and Hilary, definitely, but many? Show them and I'll agree, but from what I've seen, Republicans are constantly calling for torture and Democrats are not.

Just look at the Republican debate. There is nothing on the Democrat side that is remotely like this.

www.youtube.com/embed/4PNYhnZsiM4

www.youtube.com/embed/aWT0NbEezPU

No, the Republicans and the right are evil and vile. Nothing on the left and nothing in the Democratic Party, except Obama's administration and Hilary's career in Congress and as Secretary of State, is comparable to this.

The scary is scary as shit on this issue and in everything involving law enforcement or the military. That's why I don't want to ever see another Republican president. They are Medieval. They are no different than the Islamic terrorists that we are fighting. They have no sense of morality or civilization, and their polices only serve to turn the entire world into the Middle East.

turtledove says

And here, those torture programs you are eluding to existed just the same as when democrats were in charge. Why didn't they ban them if they found them so distasteful?

Both Democrats and Republicans voted for the vile USA Patriot Act, but not nearly in the same ratio.
.

Yes, it's utterly despicable that two thirds of Democrats voted for what is essentially Nazi-like legislation, but at least one third didn't. Only three Republicans voted nay. The majority of Democrats are scumbags, but the nearly everyone in the Republican Party with damn few exceptions is a scumbag. Again, that means voting Republican is always a bad thing and morally delinquent.

turtledove says

Republicans en masse aren't denying climate change. It's in the lefty assertion of MANMADE climate change that the disagreement exists.

The Republican strategy has been to deny climate change, and when that stopped working, falsely claiming that the scientific debate is ongoing, and when that stopped working, denying that human activity is the cause of climate change, and when that stopped working, stating that it's too late to act so nothing should be done and corporations should be allowed to continue polluting without legal repercussions.

The Republican stance on climate change has been to lie because although they know it's real and can be stopped, they don't care about the problem. The figure the poor and the middle class will bear the costs of climate change and the rich will be unaffected, so no effort to mitigate or deal with climate change should interfere with the wealth acquisition of the rich. This is a morally bankrupt position.

And yes, pollution by human industry is the entire cause of climate-change. This is a scientific fact, not a political opinion. There is more evidence that man-made climate change is real and happening right now than there is evidence that George Washington ever existed. To deny the existence of man-made climate change is therefore more ridiculous, and should be treated as more ridiculous, than to deny that George Washington ever existed.

Conclusion

Do I think that two-thirds of Democrats are scum? You bet your ass. But if my choice is between a party composed of two-third corrupt scumbags and one-third decent members and a party compose entirely of genocidal Neo-Nazi maniacs hellbent on humanity's destruction, it's not a hard choice to make.

21   mell   2016 Feb 20, 5:08pm  

It's interesting how the sports team mentality prevails in every debate and people don't seem to be able to think outside their pre-conceived notions and stay boxed in on almost every topic. While I'm against the patriot act wrt citizens (but not for non-citizens), the topic of torture is very difficult, similar to abortion and anybody claiming the high ground here has clearly never dealt with the classical dilemmas surrounding this issue. Should a member of law enforcement be able to use torture or the threat thereof if they have strong belief that the information gained could potentially save many lives, or even just one life? If they give themselves the authority and succeed they are heroes, if not, they are villains. What would you do if facing such a situation? These are timeless classics for law students and professors. When you have an asymmetric war such as now the rules change. The left is the bigger danger right now with its marxist anti-civil liberties policies against their own citizens while rendering the nation defenseless from the inside (look at Europe as a precursor). At the end it is about picking the lesser poison as no patriotic, judeo-christian rooted Libertarian is currently standing a chance to win.

22   Tenpoundbass   2016 Feb 21, 6:00am  

Women are like bees, if you blow a little smoke up their behind, you can have all of the Honey you want.

23   Ceffer   2016 Feb 21, 10:56am  

Tenpoundbass says

Women are like bees, if you blow a little smoke up their behind, you can have all of the Honey you want.

They're called "soap opera lines". The problem is, you have to say them like you mean them, and with a straight face, which requires discipline and a complete lack of conscience. That's why sociopaths do so well with women.

Women also regard them as contractually binding, and once you start, you can't stop. That doesn't bother the sociopaths a whit, because nothing is binding on them.

Women eat them up like it's free chocolate ice cream day at Bascom Robbins.

24   turtledove   2016 Feb 21, 11:13am  

Ceffer says

Women eat them up like it's free chocolate ice cream day at Bascom Robbins.

You are the only one at your company with a brain
You have the biggest penis I've ever seen
I come every time we're together
You are the smartest person I've ever known
Every time I look at you, I want to jump you
You have the best sense of humor
You are so talented at everything you do
Your boss is just jealous

Would you like another scoop? Perhaps some toppings? Just give me a minute to collect myself so I don't lose my straight face.

25   Tenpoundbass   2016 Feb 21, 12:32pm  

Well hell, you don't have to call me "Darling" Darlin'!

26   Ceffer   2016 Feb 21, 4:14pm  

turtledove says

You are the only one at your company with a brain

You have the biggest penis I've ever seen

I come every time we're together

You are the smartest person I've ever known

Every time I look at you, I want to jump you

You have the best sense of humor

You are so talented at everything you do

Your boss is just jealous

Well, now you're just telling the truth, Preen, Gloat, Preen.

27   Strategist   2016 Feb 21, 6:59pm  

turtledove says

You are the only one at your company with a brain

You have the biggest penis I've ever seen

I come every time we're together

You are the smartest person I've ever known

Every time I look at you, I want to jump you

You have the best sense of humor

You are so talented at everything you do

Your boss is just jealous

Why thanks Turtle, I'm touched.

28   Dan8267   2016 Feb 21, 7:01pm  

turtledove says

Ceffer says

Women eat them up like it's free chocolate ice cream day at Bascom Robbins.

You are the only one at your company with a brain

You have the biggest penis I've ever seen

I come every time we're together

You are the smartest person I've ever known

Every time I look at you, I want to jump you

You have the best sense of humor

You are so talented at everything you do

Your boss is just jealous

The one I hear all the time is "do you work out?". I know it's a pick-up line, but it's still a sign that she's interested.

29   turtledove   2016 Feb 21, 7:20pm  

Dan8267 says

The one I hear all the time is "do you work out?". I know it's a pick-up line, but it's still a sign that she's interested.

Now how did I not have that one on my list? Simple, effective... it's a winner!

30   Ceffer   2016 Feb 21, 8:29pm  

Except Turtledove isn't saying anything with a straight face, she's rolling around on the floor laughing with her hand on her mouth.

It's all about the delivery, Turtle! Summon your inner sociopath!

31   NDrLoR   2016 Feb 22, 9:37am  

All present and accounted for:

activism
partner
That self, the self
doing politics
intense friendships
was not something men seemed to value or desire
relationship
my goddamn twenties
exhausted young women
modern patriarchy
grim bargains marriage
healing the walking wounded of late capitalism
creative and ambitious
“In patriarchal culture,”
as bell hooks observes (I thought bell hooks was a device, but it's the name of a hip authoress)
to treat women like human beings
brilliant, beautiful, fiercely compassionate women
The global movement against welfare
Austerity and anti-welfarism are an attack on women’s independence under capitalism
like the institution of a guaranteed minimum income,
we have to organise where we are
telling stories about singleness
saving the world

32   justme   2016 Feb 22, 10:28am  

Nice word-cloud. Word clouds are a useful tool against propaganda.

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