Please log in to view images

« prev   random   next »
1   anonymous   ignore (null)   2019 Feb 7, 4:32pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Fringe Catholic Sect Doesn’t Tolerate Child Abuse

Explaining that the offshoot group remained on the religion’s periphery due to their inflexible belief system, sources confirmed Wednesday that a fringe Catholic sect doesn’t tolerate child abuse.

“While this splinter group considers themselves followers of Christ and his teachings, it’s important to note that the vast majority of Catholics view the Reformed Church of St. Isidore’s conviction that children should not be molested or assaulted as wildly out of step with conventional doctrine,” said Bishop Thomas DeNunzio, adding that the centuries-old faction has been living in the shadows in the United States since at least the 1950s, drawing disciples with its contentious dogma of respecting children and refusing to open their doors to priests who had left their previous positions due to child abuse.

“They have fled far from the traditional values of covering up child abuse, and in their rigid intolerance are attempting to invalidate hundreds of years of Roman Catholic precepts. Thankfully, though, they represent just a tiny minority of Catholics.”

Sources added that several popes have considered excommunicating the fringe sect from the Church entirely in order to eliminate their heretical belief of objecting to child molestation from gaining any more followers.

https://www.theonion.com/fringe-catholic-sect-doesn-t-tolerate-child-abuse-1832400583
2   jazz_music   ignore (16)   2019 Feb 7, 5:17pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

AF comment needed here ;-)
3   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostakovitch   ignore (53)   2019 Feb 8, 12:40am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

The pope was nonplussed:

"You fucking people are so desperate, you're wasting all your sanctifying balm in tweetees?" asked the Pope incredulous at these priests' wanton ways. "Think of all the hot bottoms in the altar boys' ranks that are going unfulfilled with holy man meat!"
5   NoCoupForYou   ignore (4)   2019 Feb 8, 1:26am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

When I was a teen, some older co-worker, told me about Nunneries with aborted and abused babies and so forth.

I thought she was nuts.

But then it all came out, especially with Tuam and Lanarkshire. 1200 mass graves of infants and very young children, just between the two.

At Lanarkshire, despite a state stipend for every child, they died of malnutrition, easily cured infections, and --- blunt trauma.

EDIT: Google "St. Malachy", believed to be a forgery. However, according to his Prophecy, this is the last and final pope before the end of the Church (#112)
6   Ceffer   ignore (5)   2019 Feb 8, 6:13am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

When the nuns used one baby to beat another baby to death, they called it a twofer.
7   APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostakovitch   ignore (53)   2019 Feb 8, 6:31am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

This explains the canonization of Saint Priapas of the Sanctifying Balm
8   anonymous   ignore (null)   2019 Feb 8, 7:07am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Pope: Keeping a nun as a sex slave is no longer cool

It may have taken 2000 years to reach the conclusion, but the Catholic Church is now ‘definitely…almost certainly’ against abuse or at the very least is unhappy when it gets reported. Speaking to reporters Pope Francis said he was not in favour of assaulting and imprisoning people – most of the time.

Confessing that Pope Benedict shut down an entire congregation of nuns, who were being abused by priests, a spokesman confirmed: ‘There is nothing in the scriptures that support the enslavement of nuns. Although, admittedly, there’s nothing in there that says we can’t. Have you read Deuteronomy? A nod and wink are good enough for God’.

Complained one priest: ‘We had an INSET day on work-based harassment, but I’m not sure if we came out in favour or not? I honestly thought nuns were a perk of the job. We can still burn witches, right?’

It is concerning that moral leaders still seem to be coveting the wrong type of ass. Remarked one unnamed nun: ‘When I married Christ, I didn’t know he planned to share me with his ‘friends’.’

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2019/02/07/pope-keeping-a-nun-as-a-sex-slave-is-no-longer-cool/
9   MrMagic   ignore (11)   2019 Feb 8, 9:22am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Kakistocracy says
Fringe Catholic Sect Doesn’t Tolerate Child Abuse


Thank goodness the Democrats do. Someone has to keep the standards up!
10   Ceffer   ignore (5)   2019 Feb 8, 11:08am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

The Church regrets all child abuse it hasn't gotten away with.
11   rd6B   ignore (1)   2019 Feb 8, 11:09am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Kakistocracy says
Pope: Keeping a nun as a sex slave is no longer cool

I am switching my allegiance to Islam then.
12   Ceffer   ignore (5)   2019 Feb 8, 11:10am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

No perks, no believers.
13   anonymous   ignore (null)   2019 Feb 24, 1:57am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Pope Francis Offers Molested Kids 10% Off At Vatican City Gift Shop

In a gesture of goodwill intended to show the Papacy’s support for victims, Pope Francis announced Thursday that children who have been sexually abused by Catholic clergy would receive 10 percent off at the Vatican City gift shop.

“While we will never be able to completely undo the damage that was done, it is my hope that those who were sexually abused can ease some of their pain by enjoying a discount on hats, T-shirts, and other merch at our lovely gift shop,” said the Pontiff, who explained that the reduced prices would be offered to anyone who could provide proof of molestation and came forward prior to his rise to the Papacy in 2013.

“These were heinous crimes, and Christ calls on us to be generous towards those who have suffered. So please, browse the wide selection of devotional statuettes and decorative crucifixes available in our store, or go online and enter the code ‘MOLESTED’ to get the discount as well as free shipping on any orders over $100.”

Pope Francis added that any clergy abuse victims who visited the Vatican in person could also enjoy a complimentary framed photo of either him or Pope Benedict.

https://www.theonion.com/pope-francis-offers-molested-kids-10-off-at-vatican-ci-1832792131

about   best comments   contact   one year ago   suggestions