patrick.net

My main takeaway from last night is not Bloomberg’s humiliating performance. No, my main takeaway is that the dynamics of the Democrat primary race did not change, and that’s why Bloomberg has a second chance.

You see, Democrats are still seeking a savior, still seeking the guy or gal who can beat Trump. That quest did not end last night. Bernie is their default candidate. Bernie is the front runner only because there’s no one better — and the fact that there’s no one better than Jurassic Socialist tells you just how bad the field is. This is why Bloomberg was able to buy his way into contention without appearing in a single debate, without running in the first four primary states, and without sitting down for a single media interview.

Democrats love that Bloomberg has a bottomless pile of money to blister Trump with, love his digital fighting style, and when you hate Trump as much as they do, and when the Democrat field is as terrible as this one is, that’s enough. However…

Bloomberg blew it last night. The lion turned out to be a shivering gerbil, a diminutive crank constantly caught off guard outside his bubble and uncomfortable in his own lizard skin, a smug billionaire totally unprepared for questions he should have known were coming and wanted to come as a means to put those controversies to bed.

Lucky for Bloomberg everyone else ran in place the whole night.

Bernie Sanders is still Bernie Sanders, the 285-year-old socialist with a bad ticker.

Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar are still charisma-free hall monitors who squabbled like a brother and sister stuck in the back seat on a long drive.

Elizabeth Warren showed a little life, but she was still the shrill and unattractive Elizabeth Warren. By assuming the role of Bernie’s attack dog, you get the impression she knows it’s over and is now running for vice president.

Joe Biden is still Slow Joe: tone-deaf, a little too shrill at times, and diminished by the fact that he is no longer even close to the center of the debate action.

Sure, the debate was more entertaining than the previous seven, but as far as reaching The Goal of finding the guy who can take Trump down, the night was a total dud — which means Bloomberg is still the party’s last hope, which means Bloomberg still has a second chance to be The Guy Democrats Desperately Want Him to Be. The question is…

Can he do it? Can the quivering gerbil live up to $409 million in hype?