patrick.net

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A newly available home in San Francisco has been listed for $1.5 million. The house is said to be a "spacious, open-concept turnkey home for the budget-minded."

While the home is constructed of cardboard that is soaked in mud, alcohol, and possibly fecal matter and full of used syringes covered in old drugs and blood—which are also stabbed into the box at random as if a previous owner was using their used heroin needles to play darts or something—realtors are calling the house a "great location! A real fixer-upper!" in recently placed advertisements.

"It may not seem like much for 1.5 mil, but a lot of people aren't used to San Fransisco prices," explained Karen Laskey of Coldwell Realtors. "Out here people kill for a home like this."

Lasky says prices are only rising and any interested buyers should dive head-first into this box of contaminated old needles. "You can't go wrong with a deal like this. This style of home has been popular in San Fran for a long time and will only become more sought after over time. People get addicted."