Please log in to view images

« prev   random   next »

2
0

Trump Optimistic About Winning Nobel Prize in Medicine

By Heraclitusstudent follow Heraclitusstudent   2020 Apr 7, 9:37am 198 views   7 comments   watch   nsfw   quote   share    


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-optimistic-about-winning-nobel-prize-in-medicine

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it an “amazing accomplishment,” Donald J. Trump said on Monday that he believes that he is the “clear favorite” to win this year’s Nobel Prize in Medicine.

Trump said that he was a “lock” to win the Nobel because of his pioneering work in prescribing the drug hydroxychloroquine.

“I’ve been talking about hydroxychloroquine so much that a lot of people think I invented it,” Trump said. “You have to give the Nobel to someone who invents a major drug like that.”

He dismissed any claim that his lack of medical credentials disqualifies him from winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine.

“Just the opposite,” he said. “The fact that I’m not a doctor makes my ability to prescribe drugs that much more impressive.”

Trump said that he hoped the Nobel committee would be a “hell of a lot more fair” about giving out the Nobel in Medicine than they were in bestowing the Nobel Peace Prize.

“I did peace, I did peace great, and I didn’t get the Peace Prize,” Trump said. “If I don’t get the Medicine Prize, then the whole Nobel business is rigged.”

He revealed that his medical discoveries had “blown away” the doctors on the White House Coronavirus Task Force.

“When I tell Tony Fauci some of the stuff I’ve come up with, he just shakes his head,” Trump said.



1   Onvacation   ignore (6)   2020 Apr 7, 9:45am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Heraclitusstudent says
“I did peace, I did peace great, and I didn’t get the Peace Prize,” Trump said. “If I don’t get the Medicine Prize, then the whole Nobel business is rigged.”

yup
2   rd6B   ignore (1)   2020 Apr 7, 9:47am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Obama getting the Nobel prize shows that the prize business is seriously rigged.
3   RC2006   ignore (2)   2020 Apr 7, 12:24pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Prize is a joke, Obummer caused even more chaos in the ME.
4   Shaman   ignore (2)   2020 Apr 7, 4:32pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

RC2006 says
Prize is a joke, Obummer caused even more chaos in the ME.


Obama took chaos in the sandbox to new heights of idiocy and misery.
It took a REAL President to clean up his fucking mess.
5   Heraclitusstudent   ignore (2)   2020 Apr 7, 4:34pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Shaman says
It took a REAL President to clean up his fucking mess.

Really clean! Just look at Syria or Libya or North Korea.
Totally different situations.
6   Shaman   ignore (2)   2020 Apr 7, 7:39pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

Heraclitusstudent says
Really clean! Just look at Syria or Libya or North Korea.


The situation in all three of those countries is better than it was three years ago. Why? Because after defeating the scourge of ISIS, Trump realized that we need to let those countries fix themselves and butt out. Turns out that without a white savior, these BFE yokels have to fix whatever they break, so they tend to break less and actually take responsibility for their own issues.
Just like with kids: if you clean up all their messes they just make even more! But if you make them clean up their own messes and clean the house besides, they suddenly turn into little neat freaks!
7   Tenpoundbass   ignore (15)   2020 Apr 7, 7:58pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag      

If Frenchie doesn't win it, then Obama's made it an obsolete defunct Jive Ass Mother Fuckers Club.

about   best comments   contact   one year ago   suggestions