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OK, spreadsheet junkies, here is a nice exercise in determining how much hookers and blow you can access and for how many years.


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2020 Sep 16, 2:28pm   929 views  23 comments

by Al_Sharpton_for_President   ➕follow (5)   💰tip   ignore  

Assumptions:

Nest egg: $1.5 million

Average yearly return on nest egg: 6%

Annual nest egg withdrawal: $100k

Withdrawal annual rate of increase: 3%

After 30 years of fucking and snorting, what do you have left?

Assuming you have a $3 million nest egg to start, same question.

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1   Ceffer   2020 Sep 16, 2:35pm  

You didn't include a nominal rate of taxation or whether the withdrawal is before or after tax.

Considering tax rate of 22 percent, you have about 17-18 years of Caligulan Cocaine and Hookers Splendor with 1.5 million. You should probably spend a lot more than 100k a year, assuming the actuarial certainty the hookers and cocaine will do you in after about eight years if you are sturdy.

https://www.calcxml.com/do/how-long-will-my-money-last
2   clambo   2020 Sep 16, 3:00pm  

I’m contemplating this very problem lately. The problem is spending money I have saved, not so much how to pay for girls.

As Ceffer mentioned, taxes are a huge factor. I will not calculate them.

If you are 65, you are free of Obamacare ($924/month premium age 64 male).

I will assume age 65, a bit old for hookers but they still will see you if you want them to.

You can safely spend 4%+ of that $1.5 million, and preserve most of the principal.

That’s $60,000/year. Add social security at about $20,000/year or maybe less as the case may be.

If you bought a fixed immediate annuity, you would get 6.5% almost on your money, but you have decreased your principal in exchange for guaranteed income.

Assume $500,000 immediate fixed annuity @6.5%, 1 million @ 4%, ($32,500+$40,000)=$72,500, plus social security $20,000=$92,000.

Maybe you can live on $50,000/year, so you can have $42,000 for hookers, or $3500/month.

You can get a very respectable and cute sugar baby for this amount or less.

If you are in shape and not a hunchback, it’s likely you could pay half that, $1750/month.

This allows for some room in your budget for travel to exotic lands with friendly females, e.g. Peru.

If you live in California, you won’t have as much money to spend on the girls, since taxes will cost an extra $9,000/year, and the girls will expect more money.

If you start with $3 million, you can get a sugar baby and change her frequently and still travel to meet friendly girls in foreign lands.
3   SunnyvaleCA   2020 Sep 16, 3:10pm  

Without the "Withdrawal annual rate of increase: 3%" part, you could throw the figures into a mortgage amortization calculator.

For example, $1.5MM loan at 6% requires $8,993/month to pay off in 30 years. Putting that in reverse: Your $1.5MM invested at 6% can pay you $8,993/month for 30 years.
4   SunnyvaleCA   2020 Sep 16, 3:18pm  

Here you go:
5   Onvacation   2020 Sep 16, 3:23pm  

Are ya buying a gram at a time and fucking crack hoes? Or are you buying bulk and entertaining $3,000 an hour escorts?

Too many variables.
6   Hircus   2020 Sep 16, 3:24pm  

http://www.cfiresim.com

The way it works is it takes your input / config, and then pretends you retired starting in the year 1871, and according to historical stock performance / inflation data for the next X years until you die, it shows you how you fared. It will plot this as a single line on the graph. Then it repeats itself, but starts your retirement on yr 1872, then 1873 and so on, for all years. What's nice about this is you can see how your strategy would do even if you started retirement on the very worst yr, or the very best. Also, by taking note of which years tends to make you run out of money before dying, it teaches you about how the various characteristics behave. ie, does having more cash and less equity perform better in cases where the stock market tanks in the first 10 yrs of retirement? What tradeoffs & diminishing returns are there?

Hover the lines in the graph to bold them, making it easier to read how each sample retirement start yr simulation performed.

It has a decent set of inputs, especially the withdrawal strategies. I like the "% of portfolio" and then set a fixed floor. eg - 4%, but always withdraw at least $50,000 or whatever you need. But they have some more advanced models, that work better IMO, if you have time to read about them.

A big drawback is I don't think it considers taxes. But the plus is it shows you the effects of volatility of returns from the stock market. While you can't adjust the annual return %, you could just set your portfolio to 100% cash, and then set it to 6% cash returns, but then you lose the volatility modeling.
7   Al_Sharpton_for_President   2020 Sep 16, 3:24pm  

SunnyvaleCA says
Here you go:
Yes, I get the same. Now starting with $3 million under the same 6/3 scenario, see what you get. In this case, over 30 years, if your portfolio only matches the rate of inflation, i.e., 3/3, it should be liquidated which makes sense. But if your portfolio returns double the assumed rate of inflation, i.e., 6/3, it looks like it is trustafarian time for your heirs.
8   HeadSet   2020 Sep 16, 3:27pm  

Average yearly return on nest egg: 6%

6% sounds unrealistic in an era where 30 mortgages are less than 3%.
9   SunnyvaleCA   2020 Sep 16, 3:29pm  

If you start at $3MM, your 6% investment gain will exceed your withdraw in the beginning. It'll take 46 years before the 3% year increase in withdraw starts to actually exceed the yearly investment gain. You'll be done in 72 years, at which time you'll be withdrawing $900k/year.

With a $3MM, you could start a withdraw of $150k/year and be done in 30 years.
10   Al_Sharpton_for_President   2020 Sep 16, 3:34pm  

HeadSet says
Average yearly return on nest egg: 6%

6% sounds unrealistic in an era where 30 mortgages are less than 3%.
Sure. Assumes a mix of securities that includes equities. But at least in Seattle, home prices have shot up 33% in less than two years, so a tidy return after the cost of borrowing. But I a assuming you have your nest egg in some mixture of equities and bonds, which simplifies the analysis.

Example, VFINX:
1-Year 7.37%
3-Year 10.58%
5-Year 10.58%
10-Year13.83%
11   clambo   2020 Sep 16, 3:46pm  

6% is a high withdrawal rate, although possible of course.

It’s fine if you assume sometimes you will have less money to spend on the girls, as markets fluctuate.

If I found a suitcase with a million bucks in it, I would take 1/2 and buy the immediate annuity.

The other 1/2 I would invest for capital appreciation.

I’m planning on having a “beneficiary contest” next year, to see if the promise of money motivates females.
12   mell   2020 Sep 16, 3:53pm  

clambo says
If you live in California, you won’t have as much money to spend on the girls, since taxes will cost an extra $9,000/year, and the girls will expect more money.


This. Another reason to leave CA for men. Since the invasion of the tribbles triggly puffs and blue haired cock stared tatted up SJW skanks the number of the actually very pretty original, non-pozzed CA beauties has become so small that a significant portion of those become extremely stuck up and gold digging and never settle until the turn into cat-herding harridans. $200 gets you a handjob from a fugly housewife. You can still bang your way through the few hotties only if you maintain excellent physical shape and a good job / money but once you want to settle down you need to get the hell out of CA (maybe you can swing wine country, or some other smaller enclaves in orange county or san diego with a trophy wife and lotsa money). It's in any way or shape the most expensive and most pozzed state, ironically with very beautiful nature and climate.
13   Ceffer   2020 Sep 16, 5:00pm  

Strange. I have watched sweet faced young California girls evolve into the gritty, hard, nasty, bitter extortionist competitors and wokes. It seems to happen somewhere between 15 and 21. I don't know what it is but cultural toxicity and proximity.

Better bring your credit rating and your cell phone full of pictures of your swag/connections on a date if you expect something more than a tooth clenched conversation, even if your ride is a Benz.
14   Onvacation   2020 Sep 16, 5:02pm  

Ceffer says
sweet faced young California girls evolve into the gritty, hard, nasty extortionist competitors and wokes. It seems to happen somewhere between 15 and 21.


High school?
15   krc   2020 Sep 16, 5:45pm  

Note. RIN would know the answers and all permutations instantly!
16   Patrick   2020 Sep 16, 10:32pm  

I do a stupid simple calculation of dividing my assets by the number of years my wife and I probably have left to live, from actuarial tables.

I think it's ballpark correct for showing how much we can spend a year in retirement, because my investment gains should at least match inflation.

Any gains beyond that are my hedge against the risk that the shit really hits the fan. Not that there's ever enough to cope with the possibility of nuclear war or long-term Democratic governance.

Then there's taxes on my 401k type things, but you can drive yourself crazy with all the details when the big numbers are the ones that really matter: assets / years left

And a little slush fund for hookers and blow.
17   Rin   2020 Sep 16, 10:37pm  

For the past six months, I've been unable to travel to Montreal to poke a hoe, due to the travel ban and breaking that accord will result in Dudley Douchebag, showing up at my hotel room.



I've used my RealDoll at home (Massachusetts) and have saved TONS OF MONEY!

So yeah, keep your hoeing down to a biweekly session, at $250/hr, in Montreal.
18   KgK one   2020 Sep 17, 6:54am  

If you dont live in expensive area, here are possible expenses.

Housing 2br < 10k to 20 k
Non city area are not expensive.
Car 5k
uber n online delivery make it even less
Health insurance / meds you n wife. 15 k
Food 15k
Other 5 k

Total 60 k
- 24 k for social security n may be some more pension.
Remaining for Vices hoe, booz, drugs ...

100 k Expenses 40k =60 k

-Hoes 60,000 / 300 =200 you can see clean descent hoe every other day in a year/365 days)
-30$ lap dance 60k/30= 2000 Lap dance
-booze 30$ bottle 2000 bottle
Don't know much about fun drugs.

-weed 50$ bag 60,000/50 = 1200
19   Patrick   2020 Sep 17, 9:36am  

KgK one says
Health insurance / meds you n wife. 15 k


That can easily be double or quadruple in America, because our political corruption around healthcare is so bad. Insurance will fight you when it comes to paying.

It's the great unknown for retirement.
20   Ceffer   2020 Sep 17, 7:11pm  

Is there a safety statistic for getting rolled by the occasional hooker?
21   CBOEtrader   2020 Sep 17, 9:15pm  

Patrick says
KgK one says
Health insurance / meds you n wife. 15 k


That can easily be double or quadruple in America, because our political corruption around healthcare is so bad. Insurance will fight you when it comes to paying.

It's the great unknown for retirement.


Get a medigap plan not an mapd and you should be fine.
22   B.A.C.A.H.   2020 Sep 18, 8:54am  

Though my partner is US-born, I have scores of inlaws in the Philippines. Including a handful of them Americans who retired there. So I know a bit about this.

I have an inlaw living on $500 per month in a village in Luzon.

Other inlaws living solely on social security, with servants or maids etc. and plenty of discretionary money to spend after that.

There's vast enclave communities of expat pensioners from all over the world living in gated communities in/near Cebu City, with a high quality of life, on less than $2k/month.
23   Patrick   2020 Sep 18, 9:02pm  

B.A.C.A.H. says
Though my partner is US-born


Please, you're among friends here. No need to use woke-speak.

If you have in-laws and she's a woman, then she's your wife.

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