patrick.net

I work with a huge client in Los Angeles a couple of days a week. It's pretty lucrative work, and this client alone accounts for about 20% of my businesses revenue per month. The way I "got in" was through a friend who hooked me up with the right people in the company, and as luck would have it, he's my direct contact within this mega corporation.

We're both married with kids. I met him during my days at Goldman Sachs. Back then I was more of the "serious, get my work done to satisfy my 20 bosses type of guy", and he was more of the "joke around all the time, can't wait to punch out and drink" guy. The thing is, even with his attitude, he did get his work done, but he never seemed to like it. I think they kept him around just because everyone liked him. He would spot people $20 for lunch if they forgot their wallet, always volunteered to give our group of friends a ride to lunch, etc.

He is one of those guys who is a skilled conversationalist, both at starting, and continuing, and I think his people skills have helped his career immensely. He just gets people to feel comfortable really easily. I got sent to Hong Kong and other parts of Asia for a few years, he ended up staying state side and moving up the ladder, so to speak. By the time I came back, this guy was solidly mid-management, almost director level.

I ended up starting my own consulting firm, and he kept moving up the ladder, going to different companies, getting promoted, higher salary,etc. So now he's pretty much a big shot at a huge company in L.A and I'm happy for him.

So last week, I'm in the city until around 6pm, and I know with the traffic going back to Orange County, I figure I'll just have dinner with the guy. We go to Maestro's in Beverly Hills, and have a feast. This guy puts it on his company CC, and pays for the whole thing (just the type of guy he is). We get into a conversation about our families, etc. I tell him about my kids and how happy I am to be a home owner again, etc. Then he drops it on me.

Friend: "So all those years being married, did you cheat on her on business trips?"

Me: "No, I'd never do anything like that. I look, but I don't touch. Have you?"

Friend: "All the time. You're missing out. I rub beards when I'm out on the East Coast, and I even have a steady in New York. She's married too. It's actually made my marriage better."

Now the thing is, I KNOW his wife, and his wife and my wife know each other. They're Facebook friends, they sometimes call each other to plan play dates at the beach We've had them over for dinner, our kids have played in our backyard together, I mean, we're pretty tight. Also, his wife is BEAUTIFUL. She's 15 years younger than he is, tall, takes care of her body, and just a sweet gal.

After the dinner, I kept thinking to myself, should I talk this guy out of it? He's probably been doing it for YEARS. I don't think I should get involved and "rat him out" to his wife, but it's all been so heavy, like when you have this dark secret you don't want anyone to know, but it feels like your face is screaming it out to everyone because of the feelings of guilt. My wife even asked me if anything was wrong the other day in bed, and I couldn't hide my discomfort at knowing my close friend was betraying his families trust in such a way. Totally changed my perception of him.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't want things to get awkward but I'm thinking of telling him what an idiot he is for doing what he's doing, but I worry about the personal relationship having an effect on the business relationship. I could live with losing the client, I suppose, but I'd feel pretty bad about losing him as a friend since I've pretty much known him since after I got out of business school...