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Lesson learned: always carry a laser pointer, in case you are attacked by a flock of penguins and need to distract them.
Penguins don't fly, because the Patriot act has made it an exercise in a violation of personal space.
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http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2013/05/why-penguins-dont-fly.html?ref=patrick.net
It turns out that you can be an efficient flyer or an efficient swimmer, but not both.
Now, if only science could answer why Penguins are so fascinated by laser pointers. Oh, wait, answered!
http://www.KPdf7FKcINY
http://www.IyBRIU3jzNk
Warning: Crap music, best played on mute.
http://www.ImHsBLyKRFo