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Do you work for a large pharmaceutical conglomerate? Are you worried about repurposed off-patent drugs? Are you concerned that your brand new proprietary drug will have to deal with unfair competition by a molecule discovered 100 years ago? Have no fear, Do Your Own Research is here to help!
This is an all-in-one guide you can use to help your quest to approve drugs you have monopoly rights over, while eliminating any competition from off-patent repurposed generics. ...
Explain Away Positive Results
Defend Negative Results
Deploy Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
Go After The Researchers
Make Meta-analyses Sound Unconvincing
Invest In Post-publication Takedowns
Use The Regulator and the Press To Your Advantage
...
I know this sounds like a lot of work, but ultimately it’s just money. Easy money that you will earn back in multiples, to be precise. Afterall, even though most of these tricks are well known and many have written about them, people have short memories:
In case of emergency, remember, there’s always the c-word. Deploy it like so:
"hey guys, are we sure we should trust the people that have been messing with the evidence for decades without checking their work?"
"CONSPIRACY THEORIST!!!"
"hey guys, I think these doctors from all over the world are somehow producing these consistent results to get us to eat horse dewormer" ...
With all these tricks up your sleve, you may tear society to pieces, you may destroy trust in the medical establishment for generations. But what matters is one thing and one thing only: Your. Drug. Will. Get. Approved.
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