patrick.net

AmericanKulak says

Then Again, we've had that shit like that happen to Patrick.net members.

Sadly true. My own theory is that Turtledove's husband was divorced once already and was about to get divorced again, from her. So he killed her to save that splitting of assets again.

mell says

Well if you take the RV and are crazy enough to !Go West! one month then holler at wine country for a couple good pours

Please invite me if that happens.

AmericanKulak says

I just need to Establish Order in my life and do so for the sake of my kids. The only way I will establish order is to get divorced; I've tried everything from reason, to sympathy, to stomping my big foot down. Nothing works.

Marriage is either Hard work, or forced labor. Which one you have is perspective really.

Tenpoundbass says

Marriage is either Hard work, or forced labor. Which one you have is perspective really.

Hope she doesn't get a guard job at your gulag.

AmericanKulak says

I just need to Establish Order in my life and do so for the sake of my kids. The only way I will establish order is to get divorced; I've tried everything from reason, to sympathy, to stomping my big foot down. Nothing works.

Woke up a few days ago, stopped putting up with her shit, she asked me what my problem was, and I said "You're my problem".

And it was the truth.

My friend/colleague was in a similar sort of relationship. Like some others of us in the department, he had socked away the patent bonuses and RSU's, max'd out the 401, etc etc. It was enough to fund a modest pension-less retirement. He was a bachelor most of those years, into his 40's.

He objectified women, particularly asian ones, the "asian mystique" I suppose. Since Patrick's blog is mainly focused on the Bay Area and Silicon Valley, I think most of us know that physically attractive women in this region, asian or not, are mostly not nice people. It comes to them naturally as they are in a ghetto of mostly male engineers who fawn over or objectify them and so it goes to their heads. Since he moved to here from flyover country I think he never got used to the idea that if you're just an engineer in Silicon Valley, you're not sh*t. Certainly, you're not "a catch". He became disgusted with the women in the Bay Area. He made up his mind to get an overseas assignment within the department in asia to find a suitable woman there. The process took some months before his relocation. During that time he was using the internet to line up candidates in asia.

Since he shared his plans with me I tried to get him interested in some of my american-born filipino wife's cousins who live there. Several of them were single. They spanned the age range 25-40. All college educated, some were nurses. Philippines went into nursing in a big way in the 20th century. For decades, the nursing degree was a ticket to the US or UK or Australia. Among my inlaws we have a few who leveraged their nursing training to immigrate to here. The Philippines went overboard with the nursing. There's too many of them. Consequently, if you are a nurse in the Philippines the pay is quite low. Too many of them there. Not so here. The Philippines-trained nurses (mainly, but not all, women) who come here can make bank in the field. They'll work all the overtime they can get, and pull the most undesirable night or weekend shifts for the pay differential. That's the thing about these filipino mail order brides, I know several of them including inlaws. My mother in law was even one of them. They work. They are hard workers, will work their asses off. Yes, it's true, some of them will "use" the mail order husband to get a green card and then ditch the guy. A significant fraction will do that, including some I know (even inlaws). But not all of them will do that, not even half of them.

My colleague was not interested in any of my inlaws. He had, what he called, "yellow fever". Fine. Whatever.

So instead he hooked up with an asian princess who he brought back here and begat him two kids. Working outside the home was beneath her dignity. She quickly caught on with the Joy Luck Club Of Silicon Valley of peers, mostly expat wives of expat husbands who were execs on assignment from the asian country they came from. These were execs, whose companies bankrolled all sorts of perks that my friend could not afford, - not engineers-in-the-trenches like her husband.

Due to some changes we saw coming for years we in the department saw the writing on the wall. We figured out our days in that gig were numbered. It stressed him out so much. He had enough to retire, even with upcoming expense of college for his two little kids, especially if he would relocate back to flyover country. But he told me that the princess would not allow them to relocate out of the SF Bay Area, where her tastes keeping up with her Joy Luck Club required an unsustainable burn rate. So a few weeks after the inevitable layoff he escaped the situation by taking his life.

In the years building up to this, I heard him commiserate often about the situation. He never asked me my opinion, or I would have said it, to divorce the bitch and then sue her ass for child support. I am quite confident he could have got the kids based on stuff I haven't shared here. Now he's gone and his two kids have a witch for a mom.

I think of him a lot and sometimes wish I had been more of a busybody and at least suggested he ditch the bitch. :(

@AmericanKulak,
If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

B.A.C.A.H. says

Due to some changes we saw coming for years we in the department saw the writing on the wall. We figured out our days in that gig were numbered. It stressed him out so much. He had enough to retire, even with upcoming expense of college for his two little kids, especially if he would relocate back to flyover country. But he told me that the princess would not allow them to relocate out of the SF Bay Area, where her tastes keeping up with her Joy Luck Club required an unsustainable burn rate. So a few weeks after the inevitable layoff he escaped the situation by taking his life.

Damn, I wasn't expecting that turn of events. Damn.

B.A.C.A.H. says

In the years building up to this, I heard him commiserate often about the situation. He never asked me my opinion, or I would have said it, to divorce the bitch and then sue her ass for child support. I am quite confident he could have got the kids based on stuff I haven't shared here. Now he's gone and his two kids have a witch for a mom.

I think of him a lot and sometimes wish I had been more of a busybody and at least suggested he ditch the bitch. :(

This is sorry to hear man, no fault on your side. It's not even something any of us would ask unless there were some red flags.

I guess I'm lucky. I get home from work and the GF tells me that she downloaded some Hitler speeches translated into English and wants to watch them

Bd6r says

@AmericanKulak,
If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

Thanks @Bd6r! Might swing by SE Tx sometime and check out the other Spaceport!

Bd6r says

If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

I know that @Bd6r means it.

Booger says

I guess I'm lucky. I get home from work and the GF tells me that she downloaded some Hitler speeches translated into English and wants to watch them

I have to admit that is actually amusing.

AmericanKulak says

Anyway, water under the bridge, upwards and onwards. Work, make decent money, save much of it by living a degree or two under the level you could afford. Plus no nagging and crazy enthusiasm for the next idea/purchase/cockamamie plot.

At least you had the balls to give it a go. I'm a few years older than you (still 40s) and have never been married. Fuck that. Interestingly once I hit my 40s co-workers started opening up with me at lunch. I'd say about 90% of guys regret being married.

Then there is the 10% that were lucky.

My hat's off to you.

B.A.C.A.H. says

wish I had been more of a busybody

Too bad he didn't take up your advice for the Philippino women. They're great people and so are the guys.

My best friend in Texas lost his common law Taiwanese wife to cancer a few years ago. He's marrying a Philippino woman this year. I haven't met her yet but he's completely recovered from his loss as far as I can tell. Last time he wouldn't even officially marry the Taiwanese woman - she was super cool though I liked her.

AmericanKulak says

I don't begrudge her anything, but the converse isn't true - she'll fight me on "needs" like a desk to work at

Nope. Selfishness is one of the 5 Fatal Flaws. Compounding resentments every-damn-day.

AmericanKulak says

I am a researcher, I won't buy anything without months of research. Most of the time I decide it ain't worth it.

Ha. Not spending money is my Super Power. This is one of my core techniques.

Good luck Amigo.

Robert Sproul says

Ha. Not spending money is my Super Power. This is one of my core techniques.

Good luck Amigo.

Thanks man! Happy with a functional desk, a little light, a computer, and some good coffee. Everything else is extra.

Do you know I still reach with my left arm for the window lever in the car to roll it down? And I say "Damn, I'm a lucky sod" when I press the down window button. Still feels like an outrageous luxury.

just_passing_through says

At least you had the balls to give it a go. I'm a few years older than you (still 40s) and have never been married. Fuck that. Interestingly once I hit my 40s co-workers started opening up with me at lunch. I'd say about 90% of guys regret being married.

Then there is the 10% that were lucky.

My hat's off to you.

Thanks, buddy. It's all work and little reward. It's not like my house is clean and my kids squared away when I'm off work. Then the female stuff on top of it all.

AmericanKulak says

Thanks, buddy. It's all work and little reward. It's not like my house is clean and my kids squared away when I'm off work. Then the female stuff on top of it all.

It's rare that they bring much to the table these days. Mostly just bring debt.

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

Patrick says

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

Gigolo :-)

just_passing_through says

It's rare that they bring much to the table these days. Mostly just bring debt.

I won't even tell ya. Fortunately, unlike Commie Cult Fornia, Florida excludes all property AND all debt initiated before the marriage, unless there was an agreement to the contrary.

Patrick says

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

"You have chosen... Wisely."

@#$@#%!!@#!@#!

MADHOUSE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFCM6TZgTMI&source=patrick.net

That's all I gotta say.

AmericanKulak says

MADHOUSE

you'll get through

AmericanKulak says

I won't even tell ya. Fortunately, unlike Commie Cult Fornia, Florida excludes all property AND all debt initiated before the marriage, unless there was an agreement to the contrary.

Interesting. I'm not sure I'd even risk getting married in Texas these days.

HeadSet says

Patrick says

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

Gigolo :-)

It's nice work if you can get it.

just_passing_through says

Interesting. I'm not sure I'd even risk getting married in Texas these days.

Florida is super fair, talked to the lawyer.

Community property is pretty much 50/50 , and is limited to the property/wealth accumulated ONLY during the marriage. If a fellow brought a home (or a car, or a boat) prior to being married, it's his. He has the option of letting the ex-spouse live there, but the fair market rent offsets any child support!!! Retirement contribution divisions are calculated using a formula of who contributed most as well as if the woman was/could work.

Certainly not like NYS, NJ, or CA

Also, even if the woman had been a homemaker, once the kids are school age, there is no alimony - it's always temporary.

After the temp alimony time has passed (kid over age 4), it's time for her to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF33Xzh_kY8

You are lucky to be making this move now, friend. I have seen the DECADES of misery that can ensue from where you are now, when people “stick it out for the sake of the children”. What the children learn, of course, is that relationships are based on disdain and disrespect.
The older I get the more I observe and understand that *choice of a mate* is probably the most critical decision that we make, you can certainly change jobs easier.

AmericanKulak says

there is no alimony

Oh, it's not just CA here but OR and WA too. We have Palimony and even 20 years ago judges in the Pac NW were sticking guys with child support who simply dated single moms.

Is Farmersonly.com still a thing?

Robert Sproul says

You are lucky to be making this move now, friend. I have seen the DECADES of misery that can ensue from where you are now, when people “stick it out for the sake of the children”. What the children learn, of course, is that relationships are based on disdain and disrespect.
The older I get the more I observe and understand that *choice of a mate* is probably the most critical decision that we make, you can certainly change jobs easier.

Thank you man, you're right on that score It was "My kids need to see what normalcy and routine looks like." and "Holy shit, at 65 I'll be broke from her spending, and if I manage to hide something, she'll drag me and spend it on a trip to Italy for 3 months." I'm also just fucking tired of gaslighting and hysterics.

AmericanKulak says

Robert Sproul says

You are lucky to be making this move now, friend. I have seen the DECADES of misery that can ensue from where you are now, when people “stick it out for the sake of the children”. What the children learn, of course, is that relationships are based on disdain and disrespect.
The older I get the more I observe and understand that *choice of a mate* is probably the most critical decision that we make, you can certainly change jobs easier.

Thank you man, you're right on that score It was "My kids need to see what normalcy and routine looks like." and "Holy shit, at 65 I'll be broke from her spending, and if I manage to hide something, she'll drag me and spend it on a trip to Italy for 3 months." I'm also just fucking tired of gaslighting and hysterics.

womyn have "acquired" so many annoying habits/traits from the relentless you go girl feminazi era which inflated their egos that it will take a while to purge that. one that springs to my mind instantly is constantly being late for events as simple as going to the neighbors for a low key party, because they have to constantly dress up and puff up (and change their clothes 250 times) for everybody so they can get maximum compliments. First they usually pressure to leave at an early time, so you get ready and are ready at that time and then end up waiting for another hour with that bottle of wine in your hands and possibly a screaming kid. It's one of those things were I immediately put my foot down and made clear there is no excuse for this shit, incl. pouting afterwards if you get your ass kicked rightfully, but man it's hard to get this behavior out of them and progress does not come quickly or easily. If you left when womynx were more than 15 minutes late for a date, why would you tolerate this shit now?

Dude, the world is going to change and change fast.

The Devil screams loudest when being exorcised; that's what cancel culture is. Cancelling Kevin Samuels and anybody else who messes with the Dream Peddling.

MOST women think at least half of men make $100k. They even think that's normal for guys in their 20s and 30s, which also reinforces the idea of a Patriarchy.

AmericanKulak says

MOST women think at least half of men make $100k.

6' tall, 8" dick, and 100k a year or don't bother me

AmericanKulak says

Thank you man, you're right on that score It was "My kids need to see what normalcy and routine looks like." and "Holy shit, at 65 I'll be broke from her spending, and if I manage to hide something, she'll drag me and spend it on a trip to Italy for 3 months." I'm also just fucking tired of gaslighting and hysterics.

better go through unpleasant stuff now and have many years of happiness afterwards than lowkey suffer and be poor forever. Good luck to you!

Just got word from a long time pal (A Floridaman turned Coloradoman) he got a divorce a few months ago. Second time. Guy's always been in great shape at at 51 says he's getting lots of tail on hinge. Makes great cash but fortunately so do both of his exes and he's never had to pay alimony.

Isn't it great when they call you to spread their misery, but they end up giving you a funny they didn't intend?

Kulak: "You know, you could be a teacher like before, $50k to start, pension at 20 years, so when you're 65..."

Herself: "You know, Kulak, I can't work a 9 to 5. I can't do office work. I'm an Artist... "

Kulak: Visions of Barbara Streisand... Hears Johnny Rotten Singing "I'm a lazy sod, I'm a lazy sod, I'm so laaaaaaaazzzy, Econononmy Crumbling."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVTZLUwx7Yo

***Feeling a wave of mirth***

Just had to share.

I ain't your Daddy's trust fund.

Robert Sproul says

6' tall, 8" dick, and 100k a year or don't bother me

Tell her she an pick two, she can't have all three. Like Fast, Cheap and Easy.

Tenpoundbass says

Tell her she can pick two,

With her looks, she's lucky to get "one."

https://www.theblaze.com/news/florida-man-oral-sex-car-accident

IMO, the trick to life and a happy marriage is being happy with who and where you are in life. If you want something different, work as a team to make it happen. That includes having a happy marriage. Selfishness is the #1 marriage killer imo.

As soon as I was able to convince my wife that money in the bank was just as fun as spending it, she changed. It's been working out pretty good.