patrick.net

Nothing like a viagra car boner. He found open roads in LA, but I imagine outside of the race track these creations wind up doing the LA carbon monoxide crawl with the plebs.

At the intersection of the RichFuck hill neighborhood and the country club golf course near our crap shack, there are all kinds of wheely rubber burns on the pavement. I guess the temptation was too great for some Lamborghini Lothario from the mansed hills.

A tree along the main road where we live still has the scar where a despondent tech lord, during the downturn of 2000, committed suicide by driving his Lamborghini into the tree at speed.

https://blissandblisters.substack.com/p/i-love-la

Guide to Driving in L.A.
The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday, just after noon.

The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 or 110, our speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered “Wussy.”

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L.A. Has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving, cell-phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear ended, cussed out, and probably shot.

Never honk at anyone. EVER. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.

Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L.A. And Orange and Ventura counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

MapQuest does not work here–none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do, and the freeway off and on ramps are moved each night. This keeps GPS trackers employed, so just roll with it.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”

If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55 – 65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped-off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you will be shot.

Do not try to estimate travel time– just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning. Always keep a packed suitcase in your trunk for unexpected sleepovers.

And finally, why is the L. A. Freeway called the ‘405’? Because no matter where you are going, it takes 4 or 5 more hours to get there on that freeway…
or alternately, because traffic stops every 4 or 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, Dems on the other coast fuck up enough where they reveal just how little America values NYC.