patrick.net

SEATTLE, WA - Starbucks Corporation has unveiled its annual holiday design for the 2017 Christmas season, and it features a prominent inverted Satanic pentacle.

"It is our company's mission to destroy Christianity," Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said in a press conference as he showed off the new design. "We would like to see the dark lord Satan's designs for this nation carried out, beginning with a holiday cup proclaiming our allegiance to the Prince of Darkness."

"All hail Lucifer! All hail Lucifer!" Schultz declared, chanting in unison with Starbucks employees gathered at the press event.

Christian groups expressed concern over the new design, but many believers were reportedly relieved that Starbucks was not promoting something like unity or tolerance with this year's cup design.

Schultz ended the press conference by announcing that variant designs would be introduced throughout the holiday season depicting the number of the beast as well as quotes from prominent atheists and other anti-Christian personalities.

In 2022, Starbucks started closing some stores because of what its then-CEO euphemistically called a “growing mental health problem.” In other words, crazy homeless people were hogging the bathrooms and literally taking sponge baths in the sink, which is a sight you’ll never forget, believe me.

Since “the unhoused” were camped out in there for hours, paying customers had to hold it. And some Starbucks started to seem more like soup kitchens than places where folks pay $7 for “coffee.” And they stank, which might not be homeless people’s fault but it didn’t help sell sugary caffeine drinks and mediocre baked goods.

But the point is, the climate in this country was so woke that Starbucks would rather close stores than be called “racist” and “heartless,” by simply requiring people to buy something to access its bathrooms, and by restricting the rooms’ use to architecturally intended purposes.

Meaning, not taking sink showers or shooting up heroin in there.

Two years, one triumphant election, and a new CEO later, Starbucks now dares to lock its bathroom doors and discriminate against race-hustling homeless people. That lone decision signals a significant shift in the zeitgeist. ...

It’s not just a welcome change in overpriced coffeeshop policy. It’s the great unwinding of a terrible and destructive narrative shoved down our throats during Trump’s first term. It is a reversion of woke, the unfolding success of the conservative counter-revolution as the enemies’ battle lines collapse.