patrick.net

surfer x-
They say "don't shit where you eat" -- but I was hungry, so I ignored this advice.

"I know a few single women in their 30’s and 40’s and they pretty much figure all the good men are taken."

I hear this a lot from my single female friends, but I usually take it to mean that the men aren't "marriage-minded". I think that's a big disconnect between 30-something men and women. The womens' clocks are ticking so they've accelerated the set of expectations, which doesn't always sit well with the men.

"And if a woman is divorced with children, most single men don’t want any part of that either."

As awful as it sounds, I'm in that camp. I'm too into traveling on short notice, sleeping in on the weekends, and having long unterrupted dinners with too much wine ....

"Also, since you found someone you could be with for a long time, whether you know it or not, you probably compare other women to her and find most lacking."

We were together 24-32, and REALLY grew apart. When one person changes with age the other doesn't, it's no good.

"I wouldn’t want to go back to the dating scene for anything."

Smart girl. The "good times" in a longterm relationship beat anything that can be found in the singles life. Especially the part where you're just totally comfortable with the other person. Reminds me of this exchange in Pulp Fiction:

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

U2 Spy On You:

You're obviously a Tom Leykis listener. Without overgeneralizing (which seems to be the biggest point of contention on this thread-deviation/rantfest), there is a lot of truth to what you say, although I think the reasons why are terribly complicated and multifaceted. One thing I've always thought has been that people of both genders gravitate towards something they perceive to be "in demand" and/or difficult to obtain. If it comes easy, it is far less appealing. As a result, people are attracted to the worst types of mates (and overpriced housing, too).

I once worked in a store that sold used audio/video equipment and musical instruments. It never failed that, if we had trouble selling something, we'd put a sign up that said "Last One Left!" or similar, and then it would sell right away.

Rick,
That's hilarious. When I lived in the Bay Area, we called these guys "bus stop millionaires". I met so many guys who told tall tale after tall tale (usually about how rich they were[n't]) -- the girls would fall for it every time, and by the time a couple months went by and they began putting two and two together, the guys had already slept with them and scammed dinners, gifts, etc. off of them. Among the obvious clues:
1) The guys would never have a car (hence the "bus stop" part of their moniker).
2) They usually either lived with their parents or crashed at did the "sofa shuffle" between various friends' houses.
3) They always had some excuse as to why they were cashbroke, most often along the lines of how their countless millions were temporarily smartly invested, tied up in a legal dispute, otherwise unavailable, etc.

But the temporary delusion of having snared a millionaire jetsetter always seemd to cloud the obvious from these girls' view.

Yes, some of my fellow Gen Xers in SoCal are "actors" -- meaning they are waittresses and legal secretaries who go on a few auditions a year, swap headshots, and perform in these freebie local theater productions that are only attended by other non-actors. Every Monday morning they're talking about "box office receipts" for whatever movies had come out, which makes them feel like a participant in the world of Hollywood.

SQT,

My boyfriend claims to not like bread (not even parmesan artichoke rolls straight from a hot humid oven) and that I have a voice that carries. Cooking for him is kind of a pain, he doesn't eat any fresh vegetables unless they're served in restaurants.

I'm not convinced that women working is a good thing either, especially when this country lacks inexpensive childcare and the people who are having the most kids are the ones least prepared for them. It's so hard to raise well adjusted kids nowadays, even with a full time parent and tons of supervision.

About working moms:

There need not be a tradeoff between expensive childcare & working moms. This is a construct of the paradigm of the nuclear family. There is another paradigm, of extended family, which offers alternatives besides expensive childcare vs working moms.

There's more boxes we can think outside of besides the gotta-be-a-homeowner box. We can also strive to live outside of the nuclear family paradigm. Of course doing so would force many of us (including recent arrivals into Santa Clara County) to make other choices and compromises for example, not crowding ourselves from places all over the world into "Silicon Valley". It is just a value proposition (value as in "one's personal values", not as in money-value-proposition).

Yeah, his dislike of bread is quite depressing, since I bake bread to decompress. I guess I could give it to others, but it's a shame that I'm the only one eating them fresh from the oven.

He's not high maintenance per se, he just has the tastebud of a five year old. He likes salty, highly seasoned cuts of meat and pizza. He can't stand anything that has a slippery texture or require effort to eat.

Yeah. If I was making $300K a year, I'd make damned sure that at least half of that gets saved for a rainy day/retirement fund. While $300-500K in BA does not mean the person has gotten it made, they should be able to live frugally and comfortably by renting, and save plenty of money besides.

There's tons of people living on 1/10th of that salary, or less.