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Breeding the perfect CNBC reporter


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2006 Sep 14, 3:57am   29,214 views  131 comments

by astrid   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

Maria!

The last post is getting a bit unwieldy. Let's continue the utopia and eugenics discussions here.

If you need a starter, here it is - pick four couples for breeding the perfect CNBC reporter.

The link below will take you to CNBC's page for their on air personalities (thank you to skibum):

http://moneycentral.msn.com/Content/CNBCTV/AnchorsAndReporters/Index.asp

Disclaimer: This post is a parody about the CNBC and its on air personalities. The information contained in the post is offered in the spirit of speculative fun and is not intended as libel or slander on CNBC or its on air personalities.

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41   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 8:50am  

"Ted David? Ron Insana? Steve Liesman? Mark Haines?"

Actually, I wouldn't mind a lunch date with any of them. (But then, I always found well groomed, balding, middle aged men to be quite attractive)

42   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 8:56am  

skibum,

It's an easy mistake to make. I'm just such a nerd!

Robert Reich is really really tiny. You don't realize it in photos or on TV, but in person he really looks to be the size of Mini-me.

43   marinite   2006 Sep 14, 8:59am  

William Shatner and David Hasselhoff

44   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:00am  

Pamela Anderson's breast implants.

45   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:02am  

astrid Says:

Robert Reich is really really tiny. You don’t realize it in photos or on TV, but in person he really looks to be the size of Mini-me.

Speaking of mixing up conservative vs. liberal definitions, it's amusing to watch CNBC when they have Reich on as a talking head. Usually he's the token "left winger" beating post for Kudlow and his goons. The funniest thing is, these days, he's spouting stuff that is very fiscally conservative compared to the idiots Kudlow and co. Last I saw him, it was all about the economic outlook, and how growth is great, we should all be happy about the ongoing economic expansion, etc. while Reich was the lone wolf trying to spit out warnings about the horrendous negative savings rate, the housing ATM debacle, and other stuff that was, frankly, very fiscally conservative.

46   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:05am  

I think there's general consensus that Anderson Cooper is gay, so probably good not to be attracted to him.

Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Ed Helms and Jason Jones all have great eye appeal and very soothing voices. (Any wonder why FauxNews is so popular compared to "real" news?)

47   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:08am  

SQT,

The Gore girls are natural blondes and they do look a bit like Heather Locklear.

I'd say Karenna Gore Schiff kinda looks like a relatively (relative to Claudia Schiffer) more homely Claudia Schiffer.

48   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:09am  

oops,

- FauxNews
+ fake news

49   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:10am  

Stone Phillips is appropriately named. That guy seems to struggle to put together 2 coherent thoughts in a row every time he speaks. He's also pretty darn stiff. If you're talking network news folks, does anyone really like Katie Couric or find her attractive? That smirk she always has makes me want to smack her.

50   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:12am  

http://www.benengebreth.org/housingtracker/

SJ and SF inventory back up to near-peak levels.

Interestingly, SD and Phoenix *asking* prices are over 10% negative YoY according to this site.

51   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:14am  

Oh, and Boston is down 15.9% in asking price from last year. A sign of where the BA is headed?

52   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:14am  

"If you’re talking network news folks, does anyone really like Katie Couric or find her attractive?"

She creeps me out. She's like an older version of Rachel Ray (shudder).

53   requiem   2006 Sep 14, 9:14am  

RC:

IIRC, conservative a few decades back was most definitely against equal rights. To be extremely snippy; things change, so going purely be definition, each generation of conservatives will have to find a new position to be fighting a losing battle for.

The position of (R) vs. (D) during the Civil War has also flipped, in terms of the liberal vs. conservative nature, which makes it harder to compare. But, if we look back to that time, we find things like the Fugitive Slave Act that could be considered a violation of state's rights.

I don't mind progressivism, but I think both sides have taken things to the extreme. The right has found that catering to religion and the fearful gets more votes than fiscal discipline, and so they careen in a whole new direction. The left is still struggling to get in gear; a growing dependence on unions and a poor PR arm has left them unable to make necessary policy changes and unable to announce them if it could.

WRT to JFK: Why the larger military? A major argument for taxes is the creation of positive externalities. (e.g. the Eisenhower interstate system.) The military does not directly provide these, and making it more massive than it already is provides no added value. Infrastructure provides value; education provides at least as much value as the military, and on an ongoing basis. Yes, I know about the technology that comes from military research. I don't want that to go, but I seem to remember that it was a Republican president that coined the term "military-industrial complex". Currently, the amount spent on the poor is insignificant compared to the amount pouring into defense and its dependent industries. If you want to reduce waste, your time is best spent there instead of chasing after Reagan's welfare queen red-herring.

54   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:16am  

John Kerry's daughters are handsome, as in "slightly less mannish than Ann Coulter but of a similar build" handsome. They are allegedly very smart.

55   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:17am  

astrid Says:

She creeps me out. She’s like an older version of Rachel Ray (shudder).

Don't get me started on Rachel Ray - she is actually more annoying than Couric. I prefer Giada DeLaurentis. But who wouldn't? Although, some might say that's like preferring Ginger to Maryann.

56   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 9:19am  

Giada is probably doing fine with her family money alone. I always get the feeling she does the cooking show thing just for fun.

57   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:19am  

Giada is hot, though slightly scary looking from some angles. She's also about 99% less annoying than Rachel Ray. Her recipes are also better. And dispite Rachel Ray's alleged down to earthness, I find Giada to be much more grounded and real.

58   requiem   2006 Sep 14, 9:27am  

/me wonders what Rachel Ray turns into when the sugar wears off...

59   Randy H   2006 Sep 14, 9:29am  

Trolls are big and stupid. They have 6d8 Hit Dice, a base attack bonus of +4, and base saving throw bonuses of Fort +5. To kill them you have to hack them into tiny pieces which are destroyed with acid, fire, or disintegration magic.

Goblins are weaker, but they tend to work together and be quite a bit smarter than Trolls, although sometimes Goblins keep Trolls as war pets.

60   speedingpullet   2006 Sep 14, 9:32am  

I think there’s general consensus that Anderson Cooper is gay

I've had the same suspicion myself.
Still, no matter what team he bats for, he's one of the few reporters out there actually trying to impart news and information, and he's definately eye-candy as far as I'm concerned.

Ah well, Ali Velshi it is then. I'm a big fan of slapheads.

61   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 9:55am  

Muggy,

I'm working under the assumption that the recent oil price drops are a GOP-Big Oil joint effort to keep Republicans in office.

62   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 10:08am  

muggy,
My layman guess about commodities prices is that a) so far, the hurricane season has turned into a dud, so whatever fears about pipeline damage on the gulf coast have been allayed, hence futures (including nat gas) dropping, and b) the Iran thing and the Middle East thing are quiet, for now. The Northeast's winter will probably be the next major factor - cold and futures go up, balmy, and prices down.

63   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 10:13am  

Randy H Says:

Trolls are big and stupid. They have 6d8 Hit Dice, a base attack bonus of +4, and base saving throw bonuses of Fort +5. To kill them you have to hack them into tiny pieces which are destroyed with acid, fire, or disintegration magic.

Goblins are weaker, but they tend to work together and be quite a bit smarter than Trolls, although sometimes Goblins keep Trolls as war pets.

AAHH! Surrounded by nerds! Must...counteract... Must...break....out....90210....DVD...collection..

64   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 10:15am  

"AAHH! Surrounded by nerds! Must…counteract… Must…break….out….90210….DVD…collection.."

Or you could see Season 1 and 2 of the new Battlestar Galactica, now with HOTT cylons.

65   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 11:17am  

Well, BSG had one hell of a Season 2 finale. I enjoyed season 2 a lot (though I only saw 6 or 7 episodes, the rest were recapped via TWOP), but then, I am a nerd.

66   FormerAptBroker   2006 Sep 14, 11:19am  

skibum Says:

> Don’t get me started on Rachel Ray -
> she is actually more annoying than Couric.

But she looks good here:

http://tinyurl.com/ggb9j

67   FormerAptBroker   2006 Sep 14, 11:24am  

Did anyone else read how they tried to hide the fact that Katie Couric is chunking up and got caught?

http://tinyurl.com/mngth

68   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 11:37am  

Glen,

I disagree - Sue Herera is 80's hot, I think she was on FNN (The financial news network) back then. Anyway, I saw her on the trading floor at CBOE in the 90's still pretty hot. Now, still looking good but a bit older.

69   FormerAptBroker   2006 Sep 14, 11:40am  

Robert Cote Says:

> Outer beauty can be fleeting. Inner beauty radiates.

Outer beauty can be fleeting for some people while others look great as they get older (for example the couple below):

http://www.mydebtfreelifestyle.com/images/ketchumb22_rgb.jpg

70   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 11:44am  

Randy,

Maria told me she was a Journalism major at NYU and an Economics minor.

Paul

71   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 11:45am  

Also, Maria is really short but that seems to be a prerequisit to be on TV for some reason.

72   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 11:47am  

FAB,

That Rachel Ray picture was scary. I'm sorry to disagree with your opinion but to me, her wide full tooth grin make her look like she's going for the jugular. She's okay looking, but not the kind that would ever turn heads (except maybe away, so they can flee the reach of her fiercesome teeth).

73   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 11:48am  

Paul,

Yup, that's what wikipedia says. She's also married, in case you guys were curious.

74   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 11:54am  

Astrid,

I think you are spot on with your oil price observation in the context of helping the republicans in the election in a joint effort with Big oil. Consider the following: BP announces it is shutting prudoe bay. Oil spikes to the previous high (double top on the charts). My guess is they short the hell out of crude oil at that time. A few days later an announcement is made that a huge find has been made in the gulf and oil plumits. In addition, BP says they will reopen part of Alaska. Oil drops throught the major uptrend line on the charts and the hedge funds go from long to short adding to the selling. Now I hear they will have Alaska back to normal in a month. My guess is BP is taking in their shorts at or near current prices.

Paul

75   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 12:15pm  

Muggy,

For your benefit:

http://zapatopi.net/afdb/

Enjoy!

76   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 12:20pm  

Paul,

Wow! I didn't even think about the shorting angle. I'm clearly not paranoid enough.

Or maybe the government mind controlling beams have weakened my resolve...time to get out my foil lined bonnet.

77   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 1:09pm  

FAB,
On a roll with those links. Is that old couple shot from some fund prospectus, or what?

78   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 4:59pm  

Speaking of unholy spawns, anyone seen the Carville-Matalin family lately?

ajh,

I've read about the shooting, though I didn't think about the global oil implications. Obviously, I'm not paranoid enough.

79   Different Sean   2006 Sep 14, 6:18pm  

Now if you’re really paranoid about the political machinations of big oil

the russian banks are more about assisting the kleptocracy and russian mafia... isn't putin trying to re-nationalise the oil fields and other public assets? (by dispossessing oligarchs and chucking them in jail - way to go!)

80   Different Sean   2006 Sep 14, 6:29pm  

jay leno and... and...

CNBC reporters are best found in the wild, like truffles - they can't be synthesised...

apocryphally:
"WE could produce remarkable children," a beautiful actress once cooed to the cerebral Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw. "Ah yes," he replied, "but what if they had my looks and your brains?"

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