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Breeding the perfect CNBC reporter


               
2006 Sep 14, 3:57am   30,992 views  131 comments

by astrid   follow (0)  

Maria!

The last post is getting a bit unwieldy. Let's continue the utopia and eugenics discussions here.

If you need a starter, here it is - pick four couples for breeding the perfect CNBC reporter.

The link below will take you to CNBC's page for their on air personalities (thank you to skibum):

http://moneycentral.msn.com/Content/CNBCTV/AnchorsAndReporters/Index.asp

Disclaimer: This post is a parody about the CNBC and its on air personalities. The information contained in the post is offered in the spirit of speculative fun and is not intended as libel or slander on CNBC or its on air personalities.

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1   DinOR   @   2006 Sep 14, 4:15am  

I can't believe none of the guys has a crush on Susie Assad (Bloomberg TV?)

Sue Hagen used to be their anchor in the mornings but now only gets limited "face time" covering the NY Merc. I actually liked Sue b/c she called Bill Gross a "bear" to his face and was obviously unimpressed with his painful analogies!

2   Doug H   @   2006 Sep 14, 4:17am  

You pick the babe; here's my personal photo and will volunteer my services:

http://www.officialworld.net/pics/shiverinvegas.jpg

3   DinOR   @   2006 Sep 14, 4:19am  

Is it b/c Halloween is coming up or with the right lighting could Maria B. pass for "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark"?

4   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:07am  

At the risk of revealing way too much about myself

the Brangelina baby + Travis Bacon
Rebecca Romijn + Kiefer Sutherland
Elettra wiedemann + Stephen Colbert
Takeshi Kaneshiro + Chiara Mastroianni

5   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:10am  

Madeline Albright was pretty hot in her prime

If we're gonna go with the post-menopausal, then

Catherine Deneuve + Sean Connery

6   HARM   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:11am  

Robert Reich and Madeline Albright.

_suppressing gag reflex_

7   HARM   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:17am  

Right-wing:
Ann Coulter + Rush limbaugh

Left-wing:
Jeanine Garafalo + Michale Moore

8   HARM   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:17am  

- Michale
+Michael

9   Glen   @   2006 Sep 14, 5:48am  

Not all CNBC female reporters are hot. Consuelo Mack? Sue Herera? Liz Claman? Not hot.

CNBC specializes in brunettes. Along with Maria, there is Michele Caruso-Cabrera and the lesser known "Bianna": http://www.gogomag.com/bg2/ Maria, of course, is most notable because she is attractive and sounds very smart (NYU - major in journalism, minor in Econ).

Fox specializes in ditzy "Blandes," most of whom probably earned two year degrees in communications from their local community college before being "discovered" by the talent director at the local cable affiliate.

10   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 6:22am  

"Not all CNBC female reporters are hot. Consuelo Mack? Sue Herera? Liz Claman? Not hot."

Beats me, I haven't sat down to watch CNBC since before the tech crash.

"Jackie Bouvier"

Wow, dead people too?

FDR + Grace Kelly

11   DinOR   @   2006 Sep 14, 6:36am  

Glen,

Now that more women are controlling more money than ever before it seems they need to have "wholesome" gals too.

Kathleen Hayes may not be hot but she covers the market fairly well.

I can't believe nobody has mentioned America's favorite ditz Robin Meade on "Robin and Co."? I used to watch her show when she covered gen. news on CNN between 2:00 and 4:00am (west coast brokers). One time she was interviewing someone from the Treas. Dept. and said (I'm not kidding) "I'm sorry Sir, your name again?" "I forgot who I was interviewing!" But she's upbeat and attractive and people just seemed to like her. Instead of getting fired (like most of us would have) they promoted her to the 4:00 to 7:00am time slot!

12   Joe Schmoe   @   2006 Sep 14, 6:50am  

I'm an MSBNC viewer.

If you could only combine the approachable charisma and the taut, firm body of of Chris Jansing with the unapprocahble, cold and distant Ayran Alex Witt...OMG, I would TIVO every show.

14   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 6:56am  

DinOR,

The three Glen named have been around for a while now. Liz Claman is pretty hot and the other two are reasonably attractive. I found they were also very good at getting your attention and keeping it.

CNBC has its own freakshow in Suzie Orman though. Just the thought of her makes me regret having lunch.

I've never watched Faux news. The only female (fake) reporter I regularly watch is TDS's Samantha Bee (who has the ditz part down pat, and her husband Jason Jones seems to be pioneering some sort of male equivalent). Usually, its much easier to get news from the internet.

15   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 6:59am  

Joe Schmoe,

Long time no see! How are yah?

May I add Charlie Rose and Bryan Williams to you pairing?

17   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:22am  

"Has anybody else noticed that Ann Coulter has a gigantic adam’s apple and giant hands?"

Yes. The entire left of center blogosphere has and begins their Coulter posts with "Ann Coulter, the man..."

18   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:24am  

Anna Nicole Smith just gave birth somewhere in the Caribbeans. Sad story. Her 20 yr old son died there while visiting Smith and his new born half sister.

20   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:43am  

Coulter looks like a fairly talented tranny.

For true barf-worthiness, you have to look to Katherine Harris (R-FL).

21   Glen   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:44am  

My husband is in to wholesome looking blondes. His crush as a kid was Olivia Newton-John. When we met, all the posters in his place were of blondes.

Maybe Laurie Dhue would fit the bill:

http://www.gogomag.com/ld/

Personally, I just don't get the blonde thing. Most of the tv cable blondes just don't seem that bright. The reason why Maria B is every guy's fantasy is that she is: (a) attractive; (b) smart; and (c) seems like a down to earth good person. In short, she is a woman of substance. Most female cable anchors seem like prissy debutantes or ditzy doofuses.

22   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:46am  

SFWoman,

Left of center nowadays means anyone who doesn't think George W. Bush is doing God's work. There are capitalist democrats and libertarian democrats, so party lines certainly don't mean much anymore.

23   astrid   @   2006 Sep 14, 7:50am  

Glen,

That woman has one hell of a deer in headlight stare to her. Is that common for FoxNews blondes?

I recall seeing a couple highly attractive Al Jazeera anchor/reporters (from the movie Control Room). Stephen Colbert often brings up Soledad O'Brien. Would a dark hair Mediterrean look be something to breed for?

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