patrick.net

A: This year.

Q: Why should young Americans of all races including Asian-Americans, work hard to get an engineering degree instead of partying through college since the engineering graduate will face having the salary rug pulled out from under them by the H-1 program?

Q: Why should young Americans of all races including Asian-Americans, work hard to get an engineering degree instead of partying through college since the engineering graduate will face having the salary rug pulled out from under them by the H-1 program?

A: They shouldn't and statistics show that fewer students are getting into engineering than in previous years. If you are learning engineering because you really have a strong passion to learn it, then it shouldn't be a deterent.

Q: What is wrong with these people?

A: What is wrong with these people is that they are mad. Things aren't working out for them like in Revenge of the Nerds or the Sandy Frink character in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. So they are mad. Hopefully they don't crack like Richard Wade Farley did.

Q: How crowded and unpleasant will Cupertino have to get before the H-1 people decide to settle down somewhere else?

A: No such thing. Crowded and unpleasant just means Cupertino is really really prime.

Q: What came first? Granite countertops or the housing bubble?

A: Granite countertops were around for a long time. The fact that they're in every house these days is because of the bubble. The "Slap in granite countertops and add 50K to your asking price" days are ending.

Q: Is it a good idea to stop reading this blog for, oh, say 9-12 months as part of a "avoid everything to do with housing right now, cause it just makes me feel sick"?

A: No. If you stopped reading patrick.net, you would still think about the housing bubble, and you would have no catharsis at all. You might spend a lot of time huddled in a fetal position while your neighbors puzzle why their house won't sell for $150,000 more than last year. patrick.net is a much better alternative.

Q: I have a 2/28 option ARM that will reset from 2% to 6.75% next month. The fools on patrick.net think that the value of my $1.1M house has dropped 10%, meaning that I'm, uh, maybe like (punches on calculator) $110,000 underwater. Holy s---, are you people nuts?!? No way! My home is in a PRIME SCHOOL DISTRICT! Just wait for the spring! Anyway, I can't afford the full payment (what's this "ammertizing" thing again?). Any chance you guys could get me into a no doc, stated income, pick-a-payment loan for 103% so I can take care of the refinancing costs, too?

A: I can't help you but do check your email SPAM folder.

Q: What is the ideal bathroom size?

(Allah, I'm just kind of freaked out by women who would post pictures of their engorged belly for all the world to see. I suppose it is a boon for pregnancy fetishists.)

A: (If you own your home), the ideal bathroom is the same size as the bathrooms in other homes in your neighborhood. The value of the home is based on the value of the land. Not the bathroom.

Q: Are you envious of those expectant mothers?

A: According to top East Bay architect Ronald McHamburgler of Danville, CA a home should have two bathrooms per bedroom with a minimum size of 10’x12’ (next to the servants quarters). Both bathrooms (his & her) in the master suite should be at least 20’x20’ (not counting the square footage of the sauna and should be larger if they have a have wood burning fireplace).

Q: I live near a super rich lady who has had a lot of plastic surgery. Things are usually quiet in the neighborhood since she is usually at her job on the east coast (she works in the same building as a richer lady from the neighborhood who has not has as much plastic surgery) but today there are a bunch of crazy ladies in pink out in front of her house making a lot of noise and cops and news trucks are making it hard to get down the street. How can I get the crazy ladies to leave the neighborhood and camp somewhere else (like Crawford, TX)?

A: The ideal bathroom has two components: the bath/vanity/shower and the "business" area. The bath area should be at least 150 square feet, with a jetted tub that can comfortably fit two, with a cold water cutout for the champagne bucket. The john itself should be about 25 feet square, separated from the bath proper and heavily ventilated.

Q: If the Bay Area devolves into an end-to-end gangland, who will have the most fortified compound--Larry Ellison or the geniuses at Google?

LOL. Three question stack... nice.

A: Wait till they are willing to have intimate relations with you in exchange for food.

Q: If you are in the Bay Area and they are of the same gender as you, you could probably still have intimate relations with them, if you wanted to. Where else in the world could you have such possibilities?

"Q: Are you envious of those expectant mothers?"

Yes. I've always wanted a little bundle of parasitic joy parked in my belly for about 9 months.

"Q: I live near a super rich lady who has had a lot of plastic surgery. Things are usually quiet in the neighborhood since she is usually at her job on the east coast (she works in the same building as a richer lady from the neighborhood who has not has as much plastic surgery) but today there are a bunch of crazy ladies in pink out in front of her house making a lot of noise and cops and news trucks are making it hard to get down the street. How can I get the crazy ladies to leave the neighborhood and camp somewhere else (like Crawford, TX)?"

A: Three words - fatal facelift accident. Three more words - Congresswomen B Gone.

"Q: If the Bay Area devolves into an end-to-end gangland, who will have the most fortified compound–Larry Ellison or the geniuses at Google?"

A: I hope the Google Boys will be properly protected. I like Google stuff much better than silly ole Oracle databases.

"Q: If you are in the Bay Area and they are of the same gender as you, you could probably still have intimate relations with them, if you wanted to. Where else in the world could you have such possibilities?"

A: All over the world. I myself would recommend the Colorado Spring chapter of Campus Republicans.

"Q: Why did this house in prime Palo Alto just drop it’s price by $100K this week? http://tinyurl.com/2gyoq3"

A: The owner took the house out for a dry cleaning last week and it shrunken to 890 sq ft.

Q: What will be the hot post-real estate career of 2010?

A: Collections

Q: Will the unwinding of the carry trade / subprime collapse / bubble implosion lead to a new great depression?

A: (Will the unwinding of the carry trade / subprime collapse / bubble implosion lead to a new great depression?) - Yes, soon.

Q: When this happens, who will suffer more: people in the U.S.A, or people in China?

A: People in China, but who cares what happens to them anyway.
Q: Who killed Hoffa?