patrick.net

My last horror story was from CommieFornia.

I rented to a "single mom" (yeah, I know) in SoCal. I got tricked by the sob story once, never again (don't care who hates me).

They are so unreliable, needy, and this one in particular never read the lease. Specifically said in the lease that the maximum days a non-lease individual can stay over is 3 days MAX. So of course, this 304 is hooking up with 2-3 different Tyrone's and Chad's and one of them throws their dirty ass boots into my compact/stack-on dryer and who knows what else and just destroys the drive motor so it doesn't rotate anymore when it's on and you start a cycle. On top of that I did a check on the unit 5 months in, and the entire unit, even the outside patio area, smelled like cheap weed.

Every single rent check was extremely late (like 7+ days). No I never enforced any penalties because at the time I still had a bleeding heart and felt bad for her. I got stiffed on the last 2 months rent and never collected. In the designated parking spot, her Chevy Malibu left a gnarly oil spot that I could never get rid of completely.

Overall, 1 out of 10, would not do again.

edit: Also the water heater died during her lease, but not sure that can be attributed to her in particular, but it ended up being a $900 bill for me....

To the patnet landlords who have managed their own units at some point:

Do you tell your tenants that you're also the owner? Or do you pretend to be just the manager / handy man?

FJB says

Short term maui vacation rental: Someone bent one of my frying pans into the shape of a taco. They did a great job too! It was very symmetrical with no dents, paint chips etc.

Was it worn out? I'm thinking maybe they saw teflon chips, and decided to break it to force replacement for the sake of future users.

I have a tenant story but that's probably not the subject.
I had a nice place, my location was the historic downtown district in Santa Cruz, CA.
For a year I was away to care for my mother; the landlord remodeled and replaced some windows and etc.
When I came back there was some disorder which I cleaned up.
The old refrigerator stopped and wasn't worth fixing so I just bought a small one on Craigslist.
A few years later I left to check on my father who was in his 90's; he asked me to stay with him and I agreed.
During my time away, the landlord remodeled the bathroom; a guy who worked for me and picked up my mail said that the project was going rather slowly.
Of course, the place not having a functioning bathroom for a few years could not have been rented normally.
I was away for 4 years and sent rent using a bank check service; the bank generates the check and mails it for you.
The landlord advised me that I was late for rent; I said I would check. Later I confirmed he had been sent a check. He asked me to use an electronic service to send his rent, like Zelle.
Later he found the check on the floor under the desk and blamed his wife for misplacing it. He said I didn't have to change how I paid him (legally correct).
After my return, I asked about whether he would like me to vacate; I was considering buying the place where my father was living in a nice part of Florida.
I asked several times before deciding not to buy in Florida because I preferred living in California.
There was construction dirt and dust covering absolutely everything; a television I had was not covered and died, extreme dust can fuck up electronics, I was amazed.
Luckily I had sent back my father's TV which worked.
I had still the old refrigerator which was now dead for over 5 years; I hired some junk removers to come take it away. It wasn't easy since I was on the upper floor with a steep old staircase. I paid the guys $150 to remove it.
During the Wuhan lockdown, the landlord's daughter and he were cooped up inside and didn't get along.
So, I was told I had to vacate so his daughter could move in. I said "OK". This surprised the owner who thought I would object. My only comment was "I wonder where I should put my stuff?"
Talking with his daughter later as I was packing up I advised her to never leave; she should save up the money she doesn't spend on a mortgage and invest it, such as I had done. In due time it would be worth millions.
Maybe I was indiscreet and she ratted me out to the father who seemed pissed later on. He's remortgaged the place several times and spent a fortune while I didn't.
Perhaps he thought I was a broke loser and he had been helping me out all of those years?
I bailed out back to Florida but will be spending a lot of time in Baja California Sur, Mexico. Hasta la vista baby.
It was a blessing in disguise; I think I escaped about $8000 in 2021 California taxes by leaving the state.

My landlord stories:

- when the very old and worn out garbage disposal in the condo I was renting has finally konked out, the landlord offered to remedy the situation by replacing it with a pipe. Had to threaten the fucker with "fix & deduct" approach to kick some sense into him;

- same condo as above: the day we move in I find out that dryer is missing from the laundry room even though it was there on the day of viewing (washer and dryer were explicitly listed in the rental agreement). Called the landlord and was informed that these are plentiful on craigslist. Threatened to buy the most expensive one with a white glove delivery service and deduct the whole thing from the next rent.

(I ended up taking that fuck to the small claims court three years later when I moved out and he tried to keep the security deposit. In the process of doing the opp research I learned that the puke was a convicted felon, fugitive from the law at one time, a registered sex offender and that he had a dozen of small claim court cases filed against him over the past decade, all of them he lost. Wish I did my background check before renting from him ).

- different place: due to a leak in the upper unit's bathroom the ceiling in ours was gradually deteriorating until it completely caved in. The whole time it was happening (a week or so) I was leaving messages with the landlord's secretary (the fucker had a full-time fucking secretary, can you believe that?) to no avail. Called my bank and stopped the most recent rent check. Then called the fucking secretary and informed her that we're moving out to a hotel (big name, expensive) and they will be paying for the whole gig until the bathroom is fixed. Fucking landlord was at my door literally 20 minutes later, apologizing. Fixed the fucking ceiling that very day.

Apart from this one episode he was OK and we ended up staying there for 5 years (after renegotiating the crazy dot-bomb era lease 40% down) and got 100% of our deposit back.

These stories are why some landlords keep useless eater Klaus Schwab and Bill gates posters in their nazi dens.

Goran_K says

Also the water heater died during her lease, but not sure that can be attributed to her in particular

How would a tenant ruin a water heater?

Hircus says

FJB says

Short term maui vacation rental: Someone bent one of my frying pans into the shape of a taco. They did a great job too! It was very symmetrical with no dents, paint chips etc.

Was it worn out? I'm thinking maybe they saw teflon chips, and decided to break it to force replacement for the sake of future users.

Nah, probably just showing off.

My next door neighbor in East SJ relocted to Placerville. The East SJ home was vacant for a time. One day, the ex-neighbor's senior citizen dad who lived in Berryessa (a nearby neighborhood of East SJ) approached me to tell me that his son would be renting his house to what he described as a "Model Tenant" (my words, not his).

The tenant was a middle aged single lady. She worked two jobs and also attended the local community college. She would be a good neighbor.

Sure enough he was right, the lady was a good neighbor. Till her adult son, covered in gang tattoos, was released from his incarceration and moved in with his mom.

All kinds of East San Jose gangster types coming over at all hours. To be fair, they didn't make a lot of noise. The homie even invited us over for a backyard BBQ he held with his other homies. My college friend who returned to his native Germany after college, was staying with us at the time. My partner declined to attend the next-door Gangster Fest. My friend joined me. He got to see the Real America, not the packaged tourist version.

Some days after the party, a Pit Bull showed up. It wasn't the kid's dog, or so they said: it belonged to one of the kid's gangster homie pals. The poor dog was chained to a stake.

Next time I saw the owner's dad come over, presumably to collect rent, I told him if that dog hurts anybody in my family, or any of our other neighbors, I am not going to waste my time with your tenant, but I will sue your ass.

Within days the house was for sale. I think that the owner and his local senior citizen dad were afraid of the tenants' son. They would rather sell than confront the gangster homies.

I also have another story as a renter rather than a landlord

I was young and renting an apartment in San Mateo owned by an old crabby Chinese woman in her 80s. If you are reading this, never ever under any circumstances rent from an old Chinese woman in her 80s that’s managing the place herself, what an experience!

One of many stories I have: when I was moving out, she claimed that the bathroom vanity had some scratches that weren’t there (mind you I had been living there two years and took very good care of the place).

She said she wouldn’t give me my security deposit until I repainted the vanity. I weighed my options and not wanting to make a big drawn out legal deal out of it, I took the 3hrs on a Saturday to repaint that fucking vanity.

She also always requested that I be home when handymen were coming over to do various repairs.

Never again.

Hircus says

To the patnet landlords who have managed their own units at some point:

Do you tell your tenants that you're also the owner? Or do you pretend to be just the manager / handy man?

I was open about the fact that I was the owner.

Not easy to hide when he’s making rent checks out to my name.

Eric Holder says

How would a tenant ruin a water heater?

They fuck with it. Your average tenant to be honest has no clue about mechanical items in a house/condo/apartment. They just rent and assume they can fuck with stuff and you'll fix it if they break it.

I can't count on any of my digits the amount of morons that heated their apartment with the stove and oven in Chicago. The furnace was 100% working. In all honesty too many women grew up as a child without a father. They can't figure shit out. Tread lightly with this question, but ask if their dad is alive. Male or female. If there's no dad in their life, I'd be cautious. Again, male or female.

I've learned from my own wife, that once the dad passes away or he is MIA, there's a 80-90% chance you end up with a bad tenant. Widowed women are awful when it comes to leading. They need a spouse or at least a dedicated boyfriend. Illegal and I don't hold my license anymore, but don't rent to gays either if you can. There will be drama.

I'd only get back to commercial/industrial real estate in the future. It's a business deal and not emotional for anyone one.

WookieMan says

Eric Holder says

How would a tenant ruin a water heater?

They fuck with it

But how? The only control is "hotter-colder", that's it. Turning that wheel shouldn't damage anything, because it's a SOP.

Got a few stories from friends and neighbors who rented property out... some of those stories are insane. Moral of the story for me been "screen your tenants well", dont rent to gays or people who look like they are fucking losers and won't pay.

One family had a tenant who refused to pay rent after a while. Then that same deadbeat loser tenant broke a window in his own car and claimed many of his imaginary construction tools were stolen and asked if landlord had insurance to cover his losses. (sign of deadbeat right there).

Another got a few faggots (yes faggot couple) as tenants... they destroyed property with weird gay shit and stopped paying rent till eviction. I can't even tell you how disgusting stuff was that they did to the walls and garage. Some sick shit, those people are fucking sick in the head.

Another one was the worst, this black single woman with 2 kids, paid first month. Then stopped paying rent after that, threatening lawsuits for discrimination. I think that eviction was very long since the landlord just didn't know what to do and did dumbest thing by trying to smooth things over via conversation and she just kept on not paying.

Those are just a few top stories I remember.

FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut says

Another one was the worst, this black single woman with 2 kids, paid first month. Then stopped paying rent after that, threatening lawsuits for discrimination. I think that eviction was very long since the landlord just didn't know what to do and did dumbest thing by trying to smooth things over via conversation and she just kept on not paying.

Happened in my mom's building. Some 50 something fat Government Employee Black Woman stopped paying after first month, accused all her neighbors including my 70-sometihng mom and her 90-year old Cuban Great Grandmother neighbor - of making noise at 3AM when both are long since passed out. Oh, and the divorced single 50 something old Dentist who works on Travel Contract 3 weeks of every month and isn't even there. She also wanted them not to open the patio/balcony door at 10AM because she "Worked from home and was too loud". This building is Concrete and Steel, and 2 of the 3 apartments have laminated floors with soundproofing, the other has thick carpet.

When she didn't get her way with the association, she started the "I'm gonna sue" shit, and tried to get another (Black) Woman to say the same shit.

Scary fact: Some Senior Housing units in Broward have to have 20% Section 8 units. Naturally, those 20% create 90% of the problems.

Many of them also sneak their adult children with young children into the complex, which is supposed to be 55+ and only 18+ children for OWNERS who are supposed to register them with the Complex, obviously Broward Coward Dems Gov don't care. So you get some 30-year old skank and her OG Brood living with her 50-something parents in a two bedroom (4, 5 people) that is reduced rent from the Broward taxpayer, filling up all the guest parking.

Eric Holder says

WookieMan says

Eric Holder says

How would a tenant ruin a water heater?

They fuck with it

But how? The only control is "hotter-colder", that's it. Turning that wheel shouldn't damage anything, because it's a SOP.

They use the pilot light to light their crack pipe 'cause their bic lighter died.

Eric Holder says

But how? The only control is "hotter-colder", that's it. Turning that wheel shouldn't damage anything, because it's a SOP.

There are plenty of ways to fuck up a water heater. I get your sentiment, but tenants are fucking retards. They shouldn't touch the fucking thing but they will. Ends up fucked up 9 out of 10 times. Even a temp change. Lock that fucker in a keyed closet. I'd rather have the thing blow up before letting a tenant touch the damn thing on their own.

WookieMan says

There are plenty of ways to fuck up a water heater.

Where I live in California many (most?) water heaters are in the garage.

Someone backed a vehicle into the water heater when parking in the garage of my friend's rental. Some stuff around the gas valve got bent and had to be replaced. Luckily nothing sheared off.

Robert Sproul says

Clambo, I am thinking of running down to Baja for a few weeks when Smoke and Fire Season comes to Cali this year, got any tips?

What kind of info were you interested in? One tip, if you plan to stay for a while, exchange for pesos. Even if you're just using your ATM card to take money out at a Mexican bank, the fee's you incur(and you will get a fee from both banks), are still gonna be less than what you'll lose paying dollars everywhere.

So bad tenant story. I had a friend who got married, and his wife decided to rent out her old apartment. She rented to someone on Section 8, and they sub-let the garage, and smoked crack all the time. I think she had to get the police involved more than once, and of course had to evict them. Nightmare.

Bad landlord story. Had an owner who tried to charge us for repainting the hallway when we had only been there a year. When they refused to back down, took them to small claims. The judge asked for proof of work done, and the lady said she had traded having the new tenant paint for buying them a new vanity in the bathroom(the old one was fine). Judge asked for receipt for the vanity, she didn't have it. Then the judge asked me if I wanted to dispute any of the other charges. I knew they were legit damage from us, so I said no, but sounds like I had the floor to take it all back. Lady stormed out claiming she would appeal. Few weeks later, got my check. And yes, I had to hire a process server, after they refused certified mail(or whatever requires a signature).

Bad tenant and bad landlord story. Another small property owner rented us a unit near the beach. Most of the trash cans were in back, but the tenant next to us kept a recycle in the front. I was not aware she considered this "her" trashcan. As we moved in I threw my boxes in that trash since it was right by our unit. One night she asks me to take the boxes out, and I of course said no. She went nutz and threw the boxes out. After that she started smoking in the unit. I Informed management since it's a lease violation. They said she was a problem tenant who would threaten them with lawsuits, so they didn't want to deal with her. She would also knock on the shared wall when the TV was too loud. I would just laugh and keep watching. The smoking got bad though, so we told the landlord we were moving, and she let us out of our lease without penalty, but refused to cover our moving expenses. Before leaving I also blasted my stereo right against her wall for like an hour, and kept deflating her car tires by putting b-b's in the cap, then removing them when they went flat. That really pissed her off and she made some kind of handprint on my car. It was a piece of shit, so I really didn't care. The day we left I dumped a small container of different disgusting substance's I'd been fermenting into her porch area.

NuttBoxer says

I dumped a small container of different disgusting substance's I'd been fermenting into her porch area.

Remind me not to piss you off!

I rented to a gay couple once

Boy did they make a lot of nit-picky calls on things.

Also, at lease renewal time they would always remind me of how much rent they paid in the year and used that as reason why each year they should get something like new appliances or carpet.

Fuck you

Hircus says

Was it worn out? I'm thinking maybe they saw teflon chips, and decided to break it to force replacement for the sake of future users.

No, it was the 6inch or so pan so nearly new, rarely if ever used. Also, I replace the pans at least once per year but often more frequently. One of the first things I do when I get off the plane is go buy frying pans.

BayArea says

I rented to a gay couple once

Boy did they make a lot of nit-picky calls on things.

Also, at lease renewal time they would always remind me of how much rent they paid in the year and used that as reason why each year they should get something like new appliances or carpet.

Fuck you

I would have guessed that gays would make good tenants because they didn't have kids wrecking the place.

B.A.C.A.H. says

Where I live in California many (most?) water heaters are in the garage.

Being in the Northeast, the concept of a water heater not in a basement is foreign to me.

Onvacation says

They use the pilot light to light their crack pipe 'cause their bic lighter died.

That is what the stove is for.

Booger says

BayArea says

I rented to a gay couple once

Boy did they make a lot of nit-picky calls on things.

Also, at lease renewal time they would always remind me of how much rent they paid in the year and used that as reason why each year they should get something like new appliances or carpet.

Fuck you

I would have guessed that gays would make good tenants because they didn't have kids wrecking the place.

it really depends. the couple a friend of mine rented to were fucking insane. they did weird sexual shit. they drew all kinds of sick shit on the walls, made a hole in one that looked like for a very unique purpose. they did a lot of drugs too, so house had a smell to it. some people are fucking sick. not your average homos I guess.

FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut says

the couple a friend of mine rented to were fucking insane

During college I had a gay roommate. I didn't realize he was gay till I'd lived there nearly a year. Because, I suppose, I was (am) a social retard. This was in the mid-1980's, in Silicon Valley (SF Bay Area) when AIDs was becoming a huge crisis. Rock Hudson, etc.

I did not think he was gay. He owned a huge home in the foothills of the Valley, with a "Valley View". He said that in the divorce agreement with his wife, he kept the house but needed to rent out the four spare bedrooms to be able to afford to keep the place. The story about the ex-wife was not just a "story", - I met her a few times as it was an amicable divorce. The thought of him being gay never crossed my mind.

But lots of weird sh*t going on, all the time. Me and two of the other roommates all sort of figured it out around the same time, after a Wild Halloween Party. We sort of panicked and moved out once we figured it out, because during that time it was still not known how AIDs is transmitted.

Booger says

B.A.C.A.H. says

Where I live in California many (most?) water heaters are in the garage.

Being in the Northeast, the concept of a water heater not in a basement is foreign to me.

Being in California the concept of a basement is foreign to me. =))

Hircus says

FJB says

Short term maui vacation rental: Someone bent one of my frying pans into the shape of a taco. They did a great job too! It was very symmetrical with no dents, paint chips etc.

Was it worn out? I'm thinking maybe they saw teflon chips, and decided to break it to force replacement for the sake of future users.

yeah im sure that was the reason because in your world, tenants are always worried about the future health and safety of the next tenant

FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut says

those people are fucking sick in the head.

The wouldn't be homos if they weren't.

AmericanKulak says

Some 50 something fat Government Employee Black Woman stopped paying after first month, accused all her neighbors including my 70-sometihng mom and her 90-year old Cuban Great Grandmother neighbor - of making noise at 3AM when both are long since passed out. Oh, and the divorced single 50 something old Dentist who works on Travel Contract 3 weeks of every month and isn't even there. She also wanted them not to open the patio/balcony door at 10AM because she "Worked from home and was too loud". This building is Concrete and Steel, and 2 of the 3 apartments have laminated floors with soundproofing, the other has thick carpet.

Happened to me when I was living in a concrete appt building in a big city: one day a grumpy woman shows up at my dor claiming that she lives below me and can't sleep because my 50 lbs dog makes too much noise by running around all night. Weird thing is: the fucking cunt isn't even my downstairs neighbor - she fucking lived in the apartment located diagonally from mine, i.e. no shared floor/ceiling at all.

komputodo says

Hircus says

FJB says

Short term maui vacation rental: Someone bent one of my frying pans into the shape of a taco. They did a great job too! It was very symmetrical with no dents, paint chips etc.

Was it worn out? I'm thinking maybe they saw teflon chips, and decided to break it to force replacement for the sake of future users.

yeah im sure that was the reason because in your world, tenants are always worried about the future health and safety of the next tenant

I knew a girl who used to destroy her moms cookware when she visited because she would otherwise keep it too long past the point where they started flaking badly. I also heard her tell other people to watch out for flaking when we were a guest and they were cooking for us.

Some people care. I guess the possibility of that is just beyond you.

The one thing I know about health, is no one wants to hear my fucking advise,no matter how good it is. Maybe in the case of family you can argue for destroying pans, but where does it end? When you smash their radiation emitting smartphone? When you throw ALL their food in the garbage because it's full of pesticides and GMO's...

Amazing that people go through their entire lives this way, or until some PO'd victim does them in. Life is short, ugly, ethic-less and stupid with tongue lolling temporary gratifications as dangling carrot motivations.

My wife saw an ad in local paper from the 'slip and fall' sue lady in our development in Santa Cruz. In the day, she and her boyfriend traveled across country posing 'slip and fall' lawsuits against shopping malls. The courts must have lifted her ban, because she is advertising for somebody to 'help' her with tasks because she claims to be an invalid. We think she is just looking for somebody else to sue. Somebody will charge in to be a kind, helpful soul and will wind up in court on the business end of one of her extortion suits. She'll probably serve some daft LibbyFuck right. She has social services in her place all the time helping her, anyway, and likely also serving as her drug courier, so she is likely just searching for sources of money.

Yes, she tried suing our development for not having adequate handicapped access but lost. She also tried suing her proximate neighbors for cats wandering around, and had some shill lawyer attempt to declare her yard a 'bird sanctuary'.

NuttBoxer says

but where does it end

Wherever you want it to end? Just because you try to watch out for a someone else one time doesn't meant you suddenly need to adhere to some arbitrary pact of ideological and behavioral consistency.

It's ok to help a stranger and warn or save them from some random thing you perceive to be a hazard or pitfall. In fact it's not uncommon. It doesn't need to be over analyzed, nor does it obligate you to future actions.

Maybe neither of us would destroy frying pans in such a situation, but I do think most people have arbitrary "things" that they care about for whatever reason.

B.A.C.A.H. says

During college I had a gay roommate. I didn't realize he was gay till I'd lived there nearly a year.

Quoted for posterity.

Eric Holder says

Being in California the concept of a basement is foreign to me. =))

You are missing out! I am adding you story to my long list of reasons not to move to California.

zzyzzx says

During college I had a gay roommate. I didn't realize he was gay till I'd lived there nearly a year.

LOL! Nobody 'knew' in MSM that Michael Obama was a man until Joan River committed suicide over it.

zzyzzx says

Eric Holder says

Being in California the concept of a basement is foreign to me. =))

You are missing out! I am adding you story to my long list of reasons not to move to California.

Au contrare, my friend: not having a basement gives me opportunity to point out to my kids, that livinig in my basement as adults IS NOT A FUCKING OPTION for them. :)