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As everyone knows, the Associated Press is 100% trustworthy in every single quote they have ever covered. It truly seems like they are the only ones, apart from us at the Bee, who don't add any bias or spin to their stories.
To commemorate the AP's long and distinguished record of quoting people accurately, we at the Babylon Bee have put together 10 famous historical quotes as reported by the Associated Press:
"The only thing we have… is fear itself." — Franklin D. Roosevelt: What a downer!
"That's one small... man." — Neil Armstrong: Everyone looks small from the moon, Neil.
"You miss one hundred percent of the shots you... take." — Wayne Gretzky: Sometimes, the truth hurts.
"I am literally....... Hitler." — Donald Trump: Can't believe he just came out and said it.
"Ask not." — John F. Kennedy: Words the Kamala campaign lives by.
"I have a dream that one day... little boys will be... little girls." — Martin Luther King Jr.: Oh dear.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that men are... endowed... well." — Declaration of Independence: A strange beginning to the American Revolution.
"Give me death!" — Patrick Henry: Not a smart request.
"December... will live in infamy" — Franklin D. Roosevelt: Gee, someone hates Christmas.
"I did... that woman." — Bill Clinton: Okay, the AP might have gotten this one right.
Thanks for all your great work, AP!
During a segment criticising Trump supporting journalist Laura Loomer, CNN hit a new low by using a completely fake image of the former president that had been photoshopped to make him look grossly obese.
The ridiculous image was displayed by host Anderson Cooper on Friday during the segment. ...
There’s no way this is a ‘mistake’.
CNN knew the image was doctored and used it regardless.
Former CNN anchor Chris Cuomo has spoken out about how ashamed he feels at the media for pushing the narrative that Donald Trump only has himself to blame for deranged lunatics trying to assassinate him.
Cuomo, now with News Nation, stated that he called Trump personally after the second assassination attempt to say he’s “really sorry that this is going on and it’s being dealt with this way.”
“I called him today because I am ashamed of how we are responding and not responding to the threats on him,” Cuomo said.
He continued, “And I feel for his family, and I know you can roll your eyes and say, ‘Oh yeah, he asked for it.’ Listen, that’s your choice, and I think it’s a wrong choice. Okay? We got to get out of the judgment business, unless it’s judging ourselves, and you’ve got to start rewarding things that are better.”
“And I got to tell you, I don’t know how he stays in the race,” Cuomo further noted, adding “I don’t know how he got up after being shot in the head. And you people who try to mitigate that, you need to check yourself. He gets up, pumping his fist, stays in the race, barely even talks about it.”
While qualifying that he is not a Trump supporter, Cuomo urged “I am worried about us. I am ashamed of what’s happening around us right now, and the relative lack of concern about it. I just don’t see how we get anywhere better than where we are right now.”
Trump “doesn’t deserve this. A guy pointing an AK-47 at him while he’s playing golf?” Cuomo asserted, adding “And we take solace in the fact that the guy didn’t get any rounds off? That does not work for me.”
He continued, “If I had been through what that guy’s been through in the last two months, you would not know where I am. You would never see me on TV again. No way I would do that. I don’t know how he does it.”
“He’s got kids, they’re adults, but he’s got grandkids. He’s got a wife. People giving crap to Melania Trump, worrying about whether or not there was a plot around her husband. How could she not?” Cuomo further proclaimed in a clear reference to his former colleague at CNN Don Lemon, who created and later deleted a ‘reaction video’ in which he rolled his eyes and acted exasperated at Melania Trump for sharing concerns about her husband being targeted.
“I don’t think she’s right, but I totally get why she feels that way,” Cuomo stated, adding “People mock her? And then her husband has a guy pointed with an AK-47 where are those people apologizing?”
“That’s what it’s time for. ‘I should not have come at you, Melania Trump, for suggesting that maybe there was something more afoot I get your, paranoia, I get your feelings, you have a right to that,'” Cuomo added.
“There’s nothing wrong with saying that,” Cuomo further proclaimed, “with being a basic, decent human being, it has gotten too out of control, too far from where we need to be and how we need to be, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know.”
Cuomo’s got a way to go to make up for the establishment hackery he engaged in for years at CNN, particularly as regards Trump, but this is a start at least.
Lets see if he sticks to it.
@MikeBenzCyber
I would rather have cranial implant surgery & replace my brain with a dozen live spiders than believe at first blush a Blob Ooze news headline
💉💉 Yesterday, I reported on Steven Crowder’s hidden-camera exposé about the sick pervert who ran New York City’s covid response. The story made the New York Times. Here’s the ridiculously watered-down headline:
Former N.Y.C. Covid Czar Partied While Preaching Social Distancing
In a hidden-camera video posted by a conservative podcaster, Dr.
Jay K. Varma boasts about flouting the public health guidelines
he insisted others follow.
Partied? It sounds like he just went to a disco. Social Distancing? What about getting people fired for not taking the experimental jabs? Preaching? How about bragging how unbearable he made people’s lives for public health purposes?
It was the driest article I’ve ever seen from the Grey Lady, who is no stranger to controversy and scandal. The author’s tone was relentlessly neutral, verging on clinical, seething with barely restrained resentment at being forced to report it at all. While the article did refer, several times, to Varma’s orgies and his deviant, drug-addled sexcapades, it was only unemotionally and remotely, consistently applying the dry, uncreative label, “sex parties.”
This time, the Times’ journalistic thesaurus was not in evidence.
Although the Times rounded up several people to quote for the story, none directly criticized Dr. Vermin, I mean Dr. Varma, except for his hypocrisy in imposing mandates and lockdowns while breaking his own rules...
Nor did the Times report Varma’s gloating about how unbearable he made New Yorkers’ livers, to force them to get the shots.
The Times never mentioned vile Dr. Varma’s illegal drug use, not one single time. In a sane world, police would be investigating him right now. Astonishingly, the Times even edited out Varma’s own self-criticism, which would have made the story much more interesting, the admission his own behavior was “all this deviant sexual stuff.”
Again, in a sane world, verminous Varma would be permanently driven from polite society. The Times found nothing to condemn in Varma except his private inconsistency with his public policies. But the readers aren’t insane. You should see the article’s comments. Here’s one very telling example:
I thought the MAGA folks were fools for their skepticism regarding
science and medicine. Now I wonder if I was wrong.
Yep, that commenter was wrong.
NPR joined reporting on Trump shooter Ryan Routh’s bizarre backstory this morning in an article headlined, “In his hometown, Trump's alleged would-be assassin acted like he was 'above the law’.” It was a strange story for a several reasons.
I’ve been holding off calling this out, since everybody makes mistakes, especially me, but I can’t just stand it anymore. Since early summer, I’ve been seeing a disquieting trend of basic grammar and spelling mistakes creeping into top-tier corporate media stories. For example, in NPR’s caption above, NPR reported that police “managed to diffuse” an armed standoff with Routh (that never resulted in jail time, for some unexplained reason. You try that.).
Anyway. The point is, it’s not “managed to diffuse.” That’s just wrong. “Diffuse” means spread over a wide area. They meant defuse. “Defuse” means to neutralize or resolve a tense situation. Police defused the standoff.
Hopefully, this unsettling trend is merely a DEI phenomenon and not an artifact of declining cognitive ability due to some unidentified environmental factor. An environmental factor like the covid jabs. Just saying.
NPR’s article was equally remarkable. Routh’s crimes were well-known, well-documented, and never went anywhere, rightfully convincing the failed construction worker he was ‘above the law.’ An inquisitive reporter would have tripped over Routh’s extensive civil and criminal history in public records. Which raises the question of how, when corporate media was constantly quoting Routh in 2022, they somehow managed not to discover his extensive history?
Were reporters simply uncurious? Or did someone vouch for Routh?
I’ve been holding off calling this out, since everybody makes mistakes, especially me, but I can’t just stand it anymore. Since early summer, I’ve been seeing a disquieting trend of basic grammar and spelling mistakes creeping into top-tier corporate media stories. For example, in NPR’s caption above, NPR reported that police “managed to diffuse” an armed standoff with Routh (that never resulted in jail time, for some unexplained reason. You try that.).
Anyway. The point is, it’s not “managed to diffuse.” That’s just wrong. “Diffuse” means spread over a wide area. They meant defuse. “Defuse” means to neutralize or resolve a tense situation. Police defused the standoff.
Hopefully, this unsettling trend is merely a DEI phenomenon and not an artifact of declining cognitive ability due to some unidentified environmental factor. An environmental factor like the covid jabs. Just saying.
this is how they might keep track of which journo-whores are producing what, how wide is the distribution of said doctored articles, and then how much they should be paid.
This podcast episode is a bit of an experiment: I explore Substack’s home page as it appears to someone new to the platform. What kinds of posts and notes are at the top of the page? What kinds of ideas and perspectives appear to be promoted? If you said “all the latest clownworld craziness,” you are correct.
Basically, it’s like there’s a factory where regime narratives are mass produced and then shipped out to the various media platforms, including Substack, where they can be mindlessly consumed by Yass Kweens and Commie Karens.
There’s the obligatory “Trump is literally Hitler” pieces, like this gem:
MAGA = NAZI
Orange Hitler 2.0: A 2015 German movie, about Hitler suddenly showing up in the present, predicted Trump’s rise to power
Americans underestimate just how dangerous Trump really is…
Then there are puff pieces for Tim Walz, who is apparently campaigning to be America’s Dad, and who demonstrates his commitment to family values by making sure school libraries include books about anal sex and transgenderism:
Aaron Rupar
Walz in Pennsylvania: "They keep talking about how pro-family they are. You know what? Spend a little less time trying to ban books in our schools and try and ban assault weapons in our schools."
Steven Crowder’s exposé on verminous Dr. Jay Varma is still expanding. In the latest drop of clips from Varma’s rambling admissions, the disgraced doctor both describes helping his pharma company fluff an ineffective monkeypox vaccine using the media. Then he rambled about all his cozy relationships with health reporters.
https://x.com/BreannaMShow/status/1839100825861492909
The new clips suggested systemic corruption between big pharma and big media. I know you’re shocked.
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