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I am looking for a house on at least one acre in the central valley and I check the local MLS twice daily. Today, I noticed what looked like a new listing. It was an old 1000 sq ft wood frame house, circa 1945 on over an acre. I immediately called the Listing agent for the property because I have learned that in this area, listing agents have a practice of not returning email, Fax's or telephone calls--- if they think it is a "buyers agent" (they carefully screen all calls).

The listing agent answered the telephone and said ...almost out of breath...like he just ran a mile in 4 minutes. "...You better hurry to the property RIGHT NOW... I have a $330,000 cash offer in about twenty minutes..." Me--> "Well good luck to you for the sale" I don't have that kind of cash and if interested I would have to use a mortgage which would require an appraisal. Thanks anyway!" He got very upset and said "...Don't you understand...I will be receiving a cash offer soon. I can represent you and you can win the deal". me--> "I don't get it you already have a 330K cash offer, I can't do that...and I haven't even seen the property. Agent---> "...I am the one who talks to the seller.. AND he will want what I want.... I want BOTH sides of the sale!

Oh I see? You want to help the seller and me? Yes....how fast can you get here? What do you drink? I'll have everything ready to sign here when you arrive"

Me: "...I just Googled the address and it seems that it is at or very close to an environmental hazard. The land was at one time....a chemical dump and was used to burn tires from WWII until ten years ago. It has not been cleaned up yet according to the EPA. What do you know about that? Agent: " You could be right...but all I know it used to be a go cart track and is right across street from a dirt bike racing park..."

Me: "Why didn't you disclose this on the listing? IF I were interested I would need a mortgage loan and that means inspections and an appraisal...and they would find this pollution record...they would most likely reject the loan." "Also is there city water at the property or is it on a well?

Agent: "Its got its own well"

Me: "well I sure hope the seller didn't get sick from the water well".

Agent "The water been tested and it tests good"

Me: "okay bring a signed copy of the well report and lab analysis and let me read it." "Did they do more than a chloriform and Coliform test---those tests are not adequate to test for toxins in drinking water. Tests like that cost hundreds of dollars".

Agent " ALL the tests have been done, and the water is good....when are you coming out here....the cash offer will be here soon...hurry up. Where do you live?

Me: " About 20 minutes away...but I have to get my boots on first."

Agent: "..I want you here ASAP so I can bring your drinks...and you can sign the papers..."

Me "I don't drink, but if you insist...a small sealed bottle of drinking water".

Me: " Thanks but it might take me longer than 20 minutes if I get into heavy traffic...I also need to talk this over with my wife....we can't offer as high as you want" Why don't you just take the $330,000 cash?

Agent: "..I am waiting for you ...and I'll have your drinks.."

WEIRDO! I have NEVER talked to this person before. After twenty minutes the telephone was ringing off the hook...where are you? Are you on the way?

Note: Each call from the agent got more frantic. I guess he think he deserves a commission of close to $20,000 for a five minute hysterical phone call. He was calling for HOURS... what happened to his $330,000 CASH offer? I bet if it existed the seller would be ecstatic. What do you think? How do we know ANYTHING he said was true? Why should we believe him?

Comments anyone?

#housing