patrick.net

a bongo drum circle is exactly what this blog is missing.

"True HORROR from the ANALS of “the shed”… "

I love the over-the-top-ness of this statement. For a minimalist, Jack, you have an amazing ability to overstate things in written form. You couldn't be happy saying something as profane as "anals of the shed." No, you had to go all caps with the anal. Like we wouldn't have noticed it otherwise. Classic Jack. I am endlessly amused trying to picture you yelling the word "anals."

So now I'm here all alone tossing about words like "anals." I should feel the horror, but this seems fitting for Halloween.

No, no, fondling member is MUCH BETTER!

I'm dying here--was that really a typo?

Maybe the talking stick is actually the fondling member.

Did you have any trick or treaters?

Yes the talking stick told me I'm VP. When the stick talks, I listen.

i really didn't want to know where you put your Snickers bars.

I'm in my SPHUH vice president costume, of course.

"the stick says to do something for SPHUH"

And you said i have no restraint.

It's getting tedious re-loading a page that has 1500-plus posts.

Where is nurse badass anyway? This SPHUH 2000 thing was her idea, and she's hardly been here! I thought she meant 2000 by midnight tonight...

'I may not be able to smell the dread, but I can smell the costume… "

Eeewwww.

"I hate to think what the “costume” of SPHUH VP might be"

Since it's VP, it could be a "leaking" costume, but, ehhh, that's really not me.

“I hate to think what the “costume” of SPHUH VP might be”

Actually I'm wearing one of those rubbery black outfits to avoid stains from all the SPHUH.

“Since it’s VP, it could be a “leaking” costume, but, ehhh, that’s really not me….”

Sphuh?

"(Anyone?….)"

Should I make fun of my own joke?

And Peter P shouts
The Thread is Undead.

Could this conversation get any more covertly disgusting?

"Such a seminal word you have created. "

Look at you getting all understated. SEMINAL. You have to capitalize it. Otherwise it's just not you.

Don't mess with your literary voice.

2000 is a wee bit ambitious for two people and a lurking Peter.

Crank, crank, slowly around the can...

"I have also been trying to cut down on these: ” ”"

I would normally say it's a good thing to cut down on the quotes, but for you they go right along with the all caps. Tres Jack.

Peter P is watching...always watching.

"the SPHUH under the carpet"

In honor of the holiday, I propose:

The Tell-tale SPHUH
Starring HARM
Squish, squish
he hears, everywhere he walks.
Squish, squish goes the carpet.
Telling tales of misdeeds
that came before.

(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe.)

"I am more self conscious than ever now when I emote uncontrollably! "

Argh, don't do that. People always do that to me, which then makes me feel like I'm not supposed to make any mistakes, and everyone makes mistakes. (Grammar and usage mistakes, that is.)

So go ahead, emote uncontrollably.

Is squizz and actual sound?

"Dont worry, do you really think I meant that?"

Well, i would know better than to take anything you say seriously, but people really do say that to me a lot, so i figured you might actually be getting...you know.

The real mystery is, how did the SPHUH get UNDER the carpet.

How can we have entire conversations and elaborate jokes about a made-up word? We're like adolescent girls with a secret language.

"they think I will , you know"

They think you'll...SPHUH?

LOL. sorry, did I cross that line that I can't seem to find?

"with outlying areas squishing through the carpet sooner."

And places like Tracy oozing down your computer screen as early as next week.

OMG

It took me a half-hour just to read the conversation you two have going on. The depravity!

No Im here. and I would like to nominate Nurse BadASSactoQT as secratery and fondling member.

Oh no you dinnit!

Oh, and speaking of reality shows. Remember one of the first out there called Real-TV? That was my brief stint in television. I was an associate producer, which meant I primarily did interviews (off camera). After awhile I did some of the hack writing that ends up being the voice over. Fortunately I never had Jack's wife do a re-write on me. But the show wasn't Shakespeare anyway. It was fun though, I got to ride in the Goodyear blimp (no double entendres Jack!) and go up in a KC-15 to do film a re-fueling mission. I actually loved the job, the the office politics were so brutal I opted out of the business altogether.

(cough, cough...removing costume)

Whew, that VP get-up was getting a little musty.

"I am usually unshockable, except when I talk carpets and sticks with you."

Awww, such flattery! I never lost my adolescent desire to shock and offend. Surprising, I know, you never would have guessed.

SQT! Welcome to the melee (sp?). I never saw Real TV. Is it on reruns?

I can imagine it must have been a fun job, aside from the toxic politics. Just tell them all to go SPHUH.