patrick.net

Besides if it was photo shopped why is he still but ugly?

Straw Man says

Nah,when they actually put deeds to their words, they go to the whitest milquetoast place they can find, like Canada or Iceland.

That one is really for computer geeks. Took me a minute to get it.

zzyzzx says

Wait, so telling people who are fatter than fuck that's ok ISN'T good for their health!?

I'm tipping that's a diesel buyback vehicle there.

If anyone wants anything from a 2013 Passat SEL, let me know. You have until end of February.

Notice how much faster the bird is walking as it exits the store.

www.youtube.com/embed/ei7pz6axpxg

www.youtube.com/embed/ElKxCvEHITs

Booger says

Whatever you do, DON'T open the flexzone.

I was wondering the same thing.

McDonald's now selling mice:

mmm mice, my favorite. Are they served on ice?

WTF post 854 is hilarious?

rando says

Though to be 100% accurate, that second picture isn't Nagasaki.

It turns out pine trees can paint better than elephants. Who knew?

Career limiting tattoo

When you see it...

Nerds will find this hilarious.

zzyzzx says

I went there and got a facial.

The coach had put
together the perfect team for the Chicago
Bears.

The only thing that was
missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all
the colleges and even the Canadian and European
leagues, but he couldn't finda super athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl
win.

Then one night while
watching CNN he saw a war-zone
scene in the West Bank.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier
with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade
straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!
He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!
Then he
threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!” the coach said to himself. "He has
the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the
States and teaches him the great game of
football.

And the Bears go on to
win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed
as the great hero of football, and when the coach
asks him what he wants, all
the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says
into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old woman says.
“You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man
pleads.
"I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here
among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell
you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment,
there are gunshots all around
us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your
two brothers were beaten
within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister
in the house so she doesn't get raped!”The old lady pauses,
and then tearfully says..........

"I will never
forgive you for making us move to
Chicago!!!!"

Lol, but actually, I worked with an Israeli guy named Shmuel at Motorola in Chicagoland (Schaumburg) who told me that his father took him aside when he was going to America and told him to be careful because it is not nearly as safe in the US as it is in Israel.