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Man Gets Penis Stuck In Toaster


               
2013 Oct 11, 2:48am   1,399 views  13 comments

by zzyzzx   follow (9)  

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/08/penis-stuck-in-toaster-firefighters_n_4064927.html

An unidentified London man is nursing his knob after firefighters had to extract his penis from a toaster. It's unclear how the gentleman got it in there, but London's bravest were there to butter his bread, The Mirror reports.

Jokes aside, London appears to have a penis problem. MSN reports that firefighters in the area have dealt with too many lodged members over the past three years.

"I don't know whether it's the 'Fifty Shades' effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up," London firefighter Dave Brown said.

Firefighters didn't say when the incident occurred, but they released the story in an attempt to stop people from having sex with their appliances -- or getting into other kinds of embarrassing trouble that diverts resources from emergency services.

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1   John Bailo   @   2013 Oct 11, 2:54am  

Next time, don't turn the dial beyond 3.

2   zzyzzx   @   2013 Oct 11, 2:55am  

I hope the poor guy didn't contract Kitchen Aids.

Not only did he violate her, but the warranty too.

You're supposed to go to a tanning salon for that.

I was afraid this might happen when toasters went on sale.

Did the toaster press charges?

Is he still using it to make toast?

3   zzyzzx   @   2013 Oct 11, 2:55am  

I heard he was mad at the coffee maker and was trying to make it jealous.

4   Automan Empire   @   2013 Oct 11, 3:03am  

There was a line in the movie Heavy Metal, wherein a buxom secretary was seduced by a robot with magic fingers.

Lying in bed after a lovin' session, she intones, "I don't think it can work. I'm afraid I'll come home and find you screwing the toaster!"

5   zzyzzx   @   2013 Oct 11, 3:19am  

He told the toaster to sit on his lap and they would talk about the first thing that popped up.

6   Dan8267   @   2013 Oct 11, 3:20am  

zzyzzx says

An unidentified London man is nursing his knob after firefighters had to extract his penis from a toaster. It's unclear how the gentleman got it in there

Obviously he accidentally fell into the toaster penis first. How else could his penis have gotten into it? You'd be amazed at just how often guys fall penis first into something. I guess it's because the penis is so heavy it throws off your balance.

7   Shaman   @   2013 Oct 11, 3:45am  

I heard the toaster froze up after an argument over whose turn it was to make breakfast. :P

8   RWSGFY   @   2013 Oct 11, 4:04am  

Reminds me of this old joke:

A man, who was working in a restaurant, kept telling his wife that at work he has an irresistible urge to put his penis into a bread cutter. She was begging him to not do it. One day he comes home early and says that he couldn't resist it anymore and did put his penis inside the bread cutter today. Horrified, the wife asked what happened next. "They fired us both on the spot".

9   zzyzzx   @   2013 Oct 11, 5:41am  

Perhaps the toaster was one of these:

10   Blurtman   @   2013 Oct 11, 6:46am  

zzyzzx says

Perhaps the toaster was one of these:

Certainly understandable.

11   Shaman   @   2013 Oct 11, 7:47am  

That is a sexy little appliance!

12   Dan8267   @   2013 Oct 11, 8:46am  

In related news, two guys have gotten their penis stuck in a mysterious device when they both fell penis first into the device at the same time.

13   zzyzzx   @   2013 Oct 13, 10:53pm  

Quigley says

That is a sexy little appliance!

That's a "hot dog toaster" and I had never seen or heard of one before. While it's an interesting looking device, I imagine that parts of it might be hard to clean.

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