The Genie and the Conservative

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The Genie and the Conservative

2014 Mar 17, 3:17pm 1,309 views 20 comments

There once was a dying, old conservative. A genie looked down and took pity on him. So the genie pops down to the old man and offers him a wish. "I cannot make you live longer or restore your youth", said the genie, "but I can offer you almost anything else. Shall it be riches you desire?"

"Nay", said the old man. "I have plenty of those."

"How about beauty? I can show you the majestic Himalayas, the sun setting on Easter Isle, the Aurora Borealis, a pack of elephants in central Africa, or take you flying with migrating birds."

"Nay", said the old man. "All those things suck."

"How about art? I can show you an undiscovered artist who is as talented as Leonardo. I could bring you to musicians around the world creating music you're ears have never heard, but that will stir your heart."

"Nay", said the old man. "I want not that."

"Perhaps then something for others? The gift of wisdom for your children. The gift of charity for your colleagues? The gift of compassion for the politicians you befriended."

"Nay", said the old man. "No more nonsense."

"What, pray tell, would make you happy at the end of your life", asked the genie.

"What I really want," said the old man, "is for the world to die with me. For what purpose does it serve when I am no longer around?"

And that is how conservatives think.

Comments 1 - 20 of 20 Search these comments

Bellingham Bill 2014 Mar 18, 3:25am

"Got mine fuck you" is the core of their being, yes.

http://prospect.org/article/how-romney-brilliantly-summed-gop-ideology-single-sentence

curious2 2014 Mar 18, 6:11am

Dan8267 says

And that is now [sic] conservatives think.

Dan, I liked in a previous thread your accurate definitions of conservative and liberal. This post uses the colloquial, tribal label "conservative", even though the meaning is opposite. I understand language evolves, or in this case devolves, but I continue to think it Orwellian. GW Bush did one conservative thing: he created the world's largest marine sanctuary, America's largest national park, mostly underwater off Hawaii. It cost very little, and it conserved marine habitats on an enormous scale. The Republicans have otherwise ceased to be conservative.

Dan8267 2014 Mar 18, 7:23am

curious2 says

Dan8267 says

And that is now [sic] conservatives think.

Corrected: how.
It was 1 a.m. when I wrote that post.

Dan8267 2014 Mar 18, 7:25am

curious2 says

I understand language evolves, or in this case devolves, but I continue to think it Orwellian.

Yes, conservatives don't believe in conserving anything except old bigotries.

In the original definitions, conservatism and liberalism went hand in hand. Both favored small government and would be appalled at our warfare industry and our militarized police force.

Shaman 2014 Mar 18, 7:35am

If they didn't conserve old bigotries, we'd soon have new bigotries! Because that is how people are. People create reasons to hate and despise each other. Whether it's a belief in something different or just red hair vs brown, there will always be some distinction by which people form groups and decide to hate the other. It's a sad fact of human nature. All categories are arbitrary, so even if you manage to stamp out grouping by race, religion, gender, and sexual preference, you'll get new categories. Perhaps skiers vs snowboarders, or bikers vs motorists vs pedestrians. Hell, we have our very own shitstirrer jojo who is revving up hate between millenials and boomers! That's a pretty big scope, including all races, genders, sexual preferences, and religions!

You can't combat hate with more hate. The only way to defeat it is with love.
As Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

curious2 2014 Mar 18, 7:53am

Quigley says

You can't combat hate with more hate. The only way to defeat it is with love.

As Ghandi [sic] said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I agree, although it's often difficult to do. Gandhi risked his life many times and was eventually assassinated.

The Internet has a paradoxical effect, bringing people together but without the social cues that would help them communicate more pleasantly IRL. People learn about each other but some also fall into virtual 'flame wars' and trolling. I have fallen into that trap more than once, and am trying to learn not to.

And, as Patrick pointed out, one of the world's religions has a remarkable propensity to foment violence. Among the major religions, Christianity can have sometimes profound cultural advantages, from Isaiah's acceptance that we are all of us sinners to the edict to love your neighbor and even your enemy, and the caution that whatsoever you do unto the least of my brothers that you do unto me. I think it's a reason why the combined GDP of the entire Muslim world doesn't even add up to one Christian country (e.g. Germany), and why no Muslim countries have same-sex marriage (to the contrary, Malaysia's corrupt government is perennially charging the opposition with sodomy, which is a crime there). I see these observations as connected, branches of the same tree, i.e. some religions are better at encouraging people to cooperate and others are worse at it.

Y 2014 Mar 18, 8:00am

A Conservative and a Genie

A Conservative came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The Conservative said, "I'm a Conservative . I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every liberal in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every liberal in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every liberal gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

curious2 2014 Mar 18, 8:06am

The original version works better.

Dan8267 2014 Mar 18, 9:08am

Quigley says

If they didn't conserve old bigotries, we'd soon have new bigotries! Because that is how people are.

People and society can change. It's happening all over the world, albeit, painfully slow. A world without bigotry is only unimaginable to someone with little imagination.

Dan8267 2014 Mar 18, 9:12am

curious2 says

The original version works better.

I know. The line

The Conservative said, "I'm a Conservative . I'm always happy to share."

is a dead giveaway that the text was plagiarized and altered. I will concede to Shrek/Softshell that I did fall off my couch laughing my ass off at that one.

Still, it proves that conservatives don't produce anything and just claim credit for other people's work. Even applies to humor.

Y 2014 Mar 18, 9:37am

No, it proves Independents do as you describe below...

Dan8267 says

Still, it proves that conservatives don't produce anything and just claim credit for other people's work. Even applies to humor.

Y 2014 Mar 18, 9:41am

who's 'shrek'??

Dan8267 says

Shrek/Softshell

Dan8267 2014 Mar 18, 9:57am

SoftShell says

who's 'shrek'??

Dan8267 says

Shrek/Softshell

Whenever one of Shreks reincarnations denying knowing who Shrek is, it reminds me of a certain Monty Python scene in which some women are pretending to be men in order to stone someone.

http://www.MIaORknS1Dk