patrick.net

https://babylonbee.com/news/7-clever-ways-to-ward-off-bidens-door-to-door-vaccine-evangelists

The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we've got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior.

Try one of these and let us know how it goes!*

1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. - "Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?"

2. Wear a MAGA hat. - Works every time.

3. Sneeze violently and say you're starting to lose your sense of taste. - "Does this apple taste like anything to you? Everything is starting to taste bland to me..."

4. Smear sacrificial ice cream on your doorposts to appease Biden. - It worked for the Israelites.

5. Show them your fully assembled LEGO Capitol Building set. - A true sign that you're a deranged terrorist -- they'll run away screaming.

6. Smile and offer to shake their hand. - Nothing scares the pro-SCIENCE crowd like interacting like a normal human being.

7. If all else fails, release the hounds. - Hopefully you've had your "Release the Hounds" button installed already.

*The Babylon Bee is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or imprisonment in a reeducation camp resulting from these techniques.

CUBA—The Biden administration has finally released a statement on the uprising in Cuba. According to officials, the Cuban people are really, really, mad about Georgia's voter ID laws and have taken to the streets to protest it.

"We are inspired by the Cuban people's courageous stand against the Republicans' evil voter suppression laws in Georgia," said WHA Assistant Secretary Julie Chung. "We share their righteous indignation, and encourage protestors to remain peaceful at all times."

Official state sources monitoring things on the ground said protestors are waving giant Stacy Abrams signs and chanting things like "LIBERTAD! LIBERTAD!"-- which roughly translates to mean "End the Republican party's evil voter ID requirement which is exactly the same thing as Jim Crow!"

Protestors were also seen chanting "¡Odiamos el Comunismo!", which Biden officials confirmed means "We love the Cuban healthcare system, which is a model for the U.S. to follow!"

To help ensure things remain peaceful, Biden has called the Cuban dictator to recommend building a protective fence around the Communist Party headquarters.

https://babylonbee.com/news/inspiring-cubans-rising-up-to-protest-georgias-voter-id-laws

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-announces-partnership-with-skynet-to-create-army-of-door-to-door-vaccine-robots

Rb6d says

The FBI are bunch of thugs who frame innocent people, sometimes just murder them if they, and protects criminals that run our government. It's not that they are pussies, it is that they are criminals.

Remember when the FIB say they had no information on Seth Rich and we just got this huge dumb of sanitized documents last week? You want to know who killed Seth Rich? The FIB did. They arranged his killing.

We have TONS of voter fraud in this country, the FIB has this information, they won't disclose it. They are one of the most corrupt law enforcement agencies in this nation, that we've ever had. Hunter Biden is selling garbage to "anonymous buyers" and the FIB won't even investigate this, as the Biden family sells out this nation to god knows who. These are obviously bribes.



I hope that is actually a piece of art, and not just a photoshopped joke, because that IS actually art.

Patrick says

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-announces-partnership-with-skynet-to-create-army-of-door-to-door-vaccine-robots

i'm pretty sure if htey want to enforce some shit, they'll just cancel us financially somehow via tech. they did it to a few, they can do it to everyone else.

Patrick says

According to officials, the Cuban people are really, really, mad about Georgia's voter ID laws

At this sentence, I knew it was the Bee. So sad that their satire is so close to reality and so often prescient.

richwicks says

The FBI are bunch of thugs who frame innocent people, sometimes just murder them if they, and protects criminals that run our government. It's not that they are pussies, it is that they are criminals.

The intelligence agencies promote from within. It's a family. At this point, I think they are getting a bit inbred.

There is an incredible amount of cronyism at the CIA. It's not about the "best and brightest" it's about knowing the right person. The diversity hire ads are just public relations and feeding the narrative.

And yes, they are criminals.

I'm still disgusted about when Barr said, "there is no evidence of voter fraud" the week after they pulled the ballots from under the table in the middle of the night in Georgia.

richwicks says

I hope that is actually a piece of art, and not just a photoshopped joke, because that IS actually art.

Agreed! If Hunter painted that he may have some talent. Not $500,000 talented but entered into the junior college art show talented.

Art has been all about notoriety since photography started.

richwicks says

The FBI are bunch of thugs who frame innocent people

you are preaching to the crowd here. My only disagreement is that while FBI were crooks likely from their inception, now they are both pussies AND crooks

Onvacation says

Patrick says

According to officials, the Cuban people are really, really, mad about Georgia's voter ID laws

At this sentence, I knew it was the Bee. So sad that their satire is so close to reality and so often prescient.

I love the way they do that at The Bee!

The scary thing is that so many of their stories have come true. It really is hard to tell what is satire these days.

Ceffer says

@Ceffer - why do you give screenshots of videos, but no link to the videos?

Ceffer says

You'll own nothing, and you'll be happy.

ZIRP is here to stay. Why let you own everything when you can be a rent serf? No right to repair, Blackrock buying SFH homes with cheap Fed Money, and if you don't like it "You hate the Free Market".

richwicks says

@Ceffer - why do you give screenshots of videos, but no link to the videos?

I watch vids at 1.5 to 2 times speed and push past the empty narrative parts. This one, quite frankly, has poor audio quality and is hard to listen to. Otherwise, I don't post the links because I am lazy.