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Need Patnetters Help - Life Situation


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2022 Mar 6, 6:42pm   7,919 views  167 comments

by porkchopXpress   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

My wife and two high-schoolers currently live in the San Diego area renting a house. Since getting a new job last Fall that's fully remote, I've been pushing to move out of CA for more freedom, lower taxes, and to avoid the new vaccine mandate for K-12 students. My wife had the jab and is fine with our sons getting it to stay in CA, but I'm adamantly against it for all of the obvious reasons...they've even had Covid already.

We all decided that the Nashville area (i.e., Franklin/Brentwood) is where we'd all agree to move this Summer, but the house prices are INSANE. We've only ever rented and she will NOT agree to moving to another rental; she wants to buy. So, I'm stuck between stretching ourselves a bit to buy a $1.4M home in Nashville area, or staying in our current rental but making our boys get the vaccine to stay in school. My boys are already bummed about the thought of switching high schools, so they'd be willing to get the vaccine to stay in their current school. I feel like I'm alone in fighting against the easier path, which is clearly staying put in our current place until they finish school.

What would you guys do?

P.S. Given the no state income tax and the down payment I've saved up, I could theoretically make a $1.4M work but it's beyond what I'd prefer to pay. I'm also scared shitless that housing is going to crash, but what if it doesn't?

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1   GNL   2022 Mar 6, 6:55pm  

Wow, your first home purchase will be a $1.4 million dollar home? Starter homes really are out of this world.

You're in between a rock and a hard place for sure. I think your wife is a bit crazy. Sorry if that is offensive but seriously I think she is being extremely selfish. You need to show all of the new information that has come out. In fact, your children ought to be informed as well. YOU are the head of household. It is your #1 job to keep your family safe. Very difficult if you have a wife that runs counter to that. Good luck.
2   HeadSet   2022 Mar 6, 6:58pm  

I was surprised that Nashville prices were that high, but I checked, and jeeze! What is so special that you want Nashville? So many other places that are nice, and Nashville's high housing cost likely negates any "no state income tax" advantage.
3   Hircus   2022 Mar 6, 7:03pm  

A lot of people who move to a different state decide to rent in an area for a bit before they buy as it gives them a chance to live in a neighborhood and really evaluate the community in ways you can only do by living there. It's a lot less expensive to move from a rental than an owned home - i.e. realtor fees of 6% on 1.4M = $84,000.

She might be strategizing here, and wants you to buy a house, and figures this is her chance to twist your arm to do it. Maybe a promise to "rent for x months then buy" might sway her.
4   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:04pm  

WineHorror1 says
Wow, your first home purchase will be a $1.4 million dollar home? Starter homes really are out of this world.

You're in between a rock and a hard place for sure. I think your wife is a bit crazy. Sorry if that is offensive but seriously I think she is being extremely selfish. You need to show all of the new information that has come out. In fact, your children ought to be informed as well. YOU are the head of household. It is your #1 job to keep your family safe. Very difficult if you have a wife that runs counter to that. Good luck.
I’m not offended…I’ve tried explaining the other side of the vaccine argument, but she says her research shows differently; I give up because she gets really angry. My one son doesn’t want to get it because he looks at the science, but he says he’d get it if he had to and thinks he’ll likely be fine; my other son is a bit oblivious even though I’ve been preaching the truth for two years.

We love the Franklin area because of the schools, vibe, and the community feel. They have great music programs which are a big deal to both of my sons. We all flew out to visit over Thanksgiving and we all really liked it, but prices have gotten out of freaking control just in the last six months…they were already bad before.
5   HeadSet   2022 Mar 6, 7:04pm  

Hircus says
A lot of people who move to a different state decide to rent in an area for a bit before they buy

That is very good advice.
6   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:07pm  

HeadSet says
I was surprised that Nashville prices were that high, but I checked, and jeeze! What is so special that you want Nashville? So many other places that are nice, and Nashville's high housing cost likely negates any "no state income tax" advantage.
See my response above as to why we like it. We’ve looked at other states and cities but they fall short for one reason or another…mostly schools and their lack of solid music programs. My wife won’t live in really cold or snowy areas, so we’re limited to below the 37th latitude, which I also prefer.
7   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:09pm  

HeadSet says
Hircus says
A lot of people who move to a different state decide to rent in an area for a bit before they buy

That is very good advice.
Believe me, I would totally rent but she’s SO tired of renting all these years, which we did because of my job and potentially having to move. That, plus the Great Recession spooked the hell out of me.
8   AmericanKulak   2022 Mar 6, 7:12pm  

I think you should say "Rent Two more years and you won't regret it."
9   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:15pm  

AmericanKulak says
I think you should say "Rent Two more years and you won't regret it."
I’ve tried. She doesn’t believe it because I’ve been wrong the past 10 years as we’ve watched housing skyrocket to the moon. I feel stuck because I’m damned if I stay and damned if I go.
10   GreaterNYCDude   2022 Mar 6, 7:15pm  

The further outside a metro area you get, the better the pricing... if you go 1 hr or even 2 hrs outside of the city I'd be willing to bet you can find a nice place for well under a million. Also Nashvile traffic is not San Diego traffic so living in the suburbs or exburbs may be possible while maintaining work / life balance. Heck if your remote you can in theory work anywhere. It comes down to other considerations like the quality of the schools, cultural amenities, weather, that sort of thing.

However suburban or rural area is far different than being in a city center / major metro area. It would probably be a but of culture shock for you all. (Or should I say, y'all)

Just curious, why Nashville specifically?

Also visiting an area, even a few times, is different than living there. Rent for six months minimum before you buy. Trust me. It will be worth it.
11   Bd6r   2022 Mar 6, 7:15pm  

porkchopexpress says
We’ve looked at other states and cities but they fall short for one reason or another…mostly schools and their lack of solid music programs. My wife won’t live in really cold or snowy areas, so we’re limited to below the 37th latitude, which I also prefer.

Ft Worth, TX; San Antonio, TX
Not sure about music schools but everything else is there and house prices are reasonable. You can hire a private music teacher for 800K you save on house.
12   mostly reader   2022 Mar 6, 7:17pm  

Quick Zillow check shows that Nashville is a lot cheaper than, say, Bay Area. 1.4mil buys a lot of house. Is it a hard number? I'd think that you may be able to lower it, perhaps a lot, without sacrificing your current living conditions. Or is it not so?
13   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:17pm  

GreaterNYCDude says
The further outside a metro area you get, the better the pricing... if you go 1 hr or even 2 hrs outside of the city I'd be willing to bet you can find a nice place for well under a million.
Just curious, why Nashville specifically?
Agreed but we don’t want rural. We like action.

Why Nashville? See my post above.
14   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:19pm  

Bd6r says
porkchopexpress says
We’ve looked at other states and cities but they fall short for one reason or another…mostly schools and their lack of solid music programs. My wife won’t live in really cold or snowy areas, so we’re limited to below the 37th latitude, which I also prefer.

Ft Worth, TX; San Antonio, TX
Not sure about music schools but everything else is there and house prices are reasonable. You can hire a private music teacher for 800K you save on house.
It’s more about high schools with really strong music programs so they can plug into the scene really well. They do orchestra, marching band, jazz band, etc.
15   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:19pm  

mostly reader says
Quick Zillow check shows that Nashville is a lot cheaper than, say, Bay Area. 1.4mil buys a lot of house. Is it a hard number? I'd think that you may be able to lower it, perhaps a lot, without sacrificing your current living conditions. Or is it not so?
Look at Franklin and Brentwood, specifically houses zoned to Ravenwood HS or Brentwood HS.

Everyone is bidding up homes like crazy. One is listed for $1.35M and has been bid up to $1.6M just in the first weekend. It’s nuts.
16   Ceffer   2022 Mar 6, 7:22pm  

You are really going to subject your children to being the last stragglers to get vaccinated before the mandates fall for good? Weird thing about Covid is watching people hang on to temporary conveniences and situations gambling their health and their lives against the lies concerning the jabs.

I'd take my kids out of school for a year and eat beans every night before having them take those shots. Your wife sounds like the type who would blame you either way. If you let them have shots, and their health suffers from it, she will blame you. If you insist they don't take the shots, she'll blame you for the results to a few life conveniences and opportunities. Whining and shrieking AFTER the fact of the jabs is too little too late. Also, there is a serious ethical question about how you deal with your own children knowing what you know when you let them take the jab but you had the opportunity to spare them.
17   Bitcoin   2022 Mar 6, 7:26pm  

Buying a house is never a bad idea as long as you want to keep that house for a long time. Renting long term is financial suicide in places like Socal.

Housing Crash? I recommend following pro's like Logan Motashami and Steven Thomas. RE cannot crash if inventory doesnt skyrocket from these historic low levels. The insane appreciation rates are maybe slowing down. The emphasize is on "maybe slowing down".

I bought a house at the beginning of 2020 and another house just at the beginning of this year. Every time I buy, people tell me I bought the top.

Our company built a new MFG site in the greater Nashville area. Besides the direct labor we hired people for administrative jobs (Finance, HR, etc) but they refuse to move to Nashville right now. Its an insane housing market. Bidding wars and escalation clauses are common. They cant find a house or keep losing out to other bidders.

This entire vaccine issue/discussion makes your situation tricky. I had bad health issues after the J&J but feel totally fine after the Pfizer booster.

During a low appreciating housing market you cant go wrong by renting for a while to see if you really like the area and to take enough time to find the right house. In today's insane market I would probably buy. You will likely be able to sell at a nice profit even within just a few years (considering transaction costs). There cannot be a crash in places like Nashville because there is such a severe shortage of houses. Nashville is one large construction place. There are building everywhere. Lots of high paying jobs. This wont slow anytime soon.
18   BayArea   2022 Mar 6, 7:26pm  

There is absolutely no reason you have to spend that much in Nashville unless you impose it on yourself.
19   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:28pm  

Ceffer says
You are really going to subject your children to being the last stragglers to get vaccinated before the mandates fall for good? Weird thing about Covid is watching people hang on to temporary conveniences and situations gambling their health and their lives against the lies concerning the jabs.

I'd take my kids out of school for a year and eat beans every night before having them take those shots. Your wife sounds like the type who would blame you either way. If you let them have shots, and their health suffers from it, she will blame you. If you insist they don't take the shots, she'll blame you for the results to a few life conveniences and opportunities. Whining and shrieking AFTER the fact of the jabs is too little too late. Also, there is a serious ethical question about how you deal with your own children knowing what you know when you let them take the jab but you had the opportunity to spare them.
Exactly how I feel. Nailed it.

My wife thinks I’m a radical conspiracy nut for turning our lives upside down to avoid the shots for our sons. I told her I’d kill myself if I let them get jabbed and their health were impacted. She knows I’d go fucking crazy if that happened, which is true. I cannot let it happen.

I tell her we need to suffer inconveniences to stand up for what’s right, and she gets pissed. She’s the type that will roll over and comply to keep life copacetic. It has caused me to respect her less after all this, but SO many people are like this. She’s the norm, while we all seem to be the exception.
20   Bitcoin   2022 Mar 6, 7:39pm  

AmericanKulak says
I think you should say "Rent Two more years and you won't regret it."


ouch, I have heard that too many times. Know a guy who sold his house for 500k in Socal a few years ago. He talked his wife into the "market is going to crash soon". She agreed back then which she deeply regrets. Now she posts on social media how their house >>they no longer own<< is worth over 1M today. They still rent. Imagine the market dips. You honestly think their house will lose 50% in value anytime soon??

People will always tell you, "crash soon", 'two more years". The truth is, nobody can time the market. Nobody knows. If you would have asked people in 2019 what will the inflation rate be in 2022 they would have told you 1%, 2%, 3%. Nobody saw 7.5% coming again in our lifetime.

lets say you buy in Nashville and the market dips in two years? so fucking what? you have a house and a happy family. Long term you are going to be just fine and dont have to deal with all the shit that comes with renting.
21   komputodo   2022 Mar 6, 7:48pm  

the truth is it sounds like you should just sit back and go for the ride because your wife seems to be running things.
22   AmericanKulak   2022 Mar 6, 7:52pm  

Save_Ukraine says
lets say you buy in Nashville and the market dips in two years? so fucking what? you have a house and a happy family. Long term you are going to be just fine and dont have to deal with all the shit that comes with renting.


Unless there's a Depression and $1.4M becomes an $800k house. $10/gallon gas will certainly do it.
23   GNL   2022 Mar 6, 7:52pm  

I feel very bad for you. Seriously, good luck.
24   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:54pm  

Save_Ukraine says
AmericanKulak says
I think you should say "Rent Two more years and you won't regret it."


ouch, I have heard that too many times. Know a guy who sold his house for 500k in Socal a few years ago. He talked his wife into the "market is going to crash soon". She agreed back then which she deeply regrets. Now she posts on social media how their house >>they no longer own<< is worth over 1M today. They still rent. Imagine the market dips. You honestly think their house will lose 50% in value anytime soon??

People will always tell you, "crash soon", 'two more years". The truth is, nobody can time the market. Nobody knows. If you would have asked people in 2019 what will the inflation rate be in 2022 they would have told you 1%, 2%, 3%. Nobody saw 7.5% coming again in our lifetime.

lets say you buy in Nashville and the market dips in two years? so fucking what? you have a house...
Very true. This is why I can't argue that housing is going to crash. I do think as long as I can afford the house and we're relatively happy with it, just stay there and ride it all out.
25   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:55pm  

komputodo says
the truth is it sounds like you should just sit back and go for the ride because your wife seems to be running things.
Hardly. If my wife were running things, we'd be staying right where we're at, sons getting the clot shot, us buying a house here, and retiring here. I'm the only one pushing to leave California, and it will happen if I want it to. It's just that the specific area we had our eyes and hearts on is ridiculously expensive, so it has thrown a major wrench in my master plan.
26   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:57pm  

WineHorror1 says
I feel very bad for you. Seriously, good luck.
Thanks man. I think about the shit going down around the world and my problems are miniscule. I just have to keep things in perspective, and ensure that my sons getting the jab is an absolutely dealbreaker no matter which path we go down.
27   AmericanKulak   2022 Mar 6, 7:58pm  

porkchopexpress says
Hardly. If my wife were running things, we'd be staying right where we're at, buying a house here, and retiring here. I'm the only one pushing to leave California, and it will happen if I want it to. It's just that the specific area we had our eyes and hearts on is ridiculously expensive, so it has thrown a major wrench in my master plan.


Distraction might be the answer. Offer to take her on a nice vacation tour of Florida, Texas, Georgia, etc. with 4-star hotel weekends... to "be sure of all the options".

San Antonio is nice, though getting Austinized. The riverwalk is amazing, and tons of culture stuff. Saint Augustine is another choice - you get a real Fall with some cool weather but not many actual Cold days, and they have quite a bit of cool things, plus Orlando with world class dining and other things is just an hour or two away, plus Daytona which is more party hearty.
28   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 7:58pm  

AmericanKulak says
Save_Ukraine says
lets say you buy in Nashville and the market dips in two years? so fucking what? you have a house and a happy family. Long term you are going to be just fine and dont have to deal with all the shit that comes with renting.


Unless there's a Depression and $1.4M becomes an $800k house. $10/gallon gas will certainly do it.
I know, but can I continue to live my life that way? I want to own and I'm so tired of renting for so many goddamn years, but we all know the markets are fucking nuts and we're SO due for a recession.
29   AmericanKulak   2022 Mar 6, 8:00pm  

porkchopexpress says
I know, but can I continue to live my life that way? I want to own and I'm so tired of renting for so many goddamn years, but we all know the markets are fucking nuts and we're SO due for a recession.


That's an angle. Ask her what would happen if the job market tanked.
30   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 8:04pm  

AmericanKulak says
porkchopexpress says
I know, but can I continue to live my life that way? I want to own and I'm so tired of renting for so many goddamn years, but we all know the markets are fucking nuts and we're SO due for a recession.


That's an angle. Ask her what would happen if the job market tanked.
She's just confident I would always have a high-paying job. The fact is I'm in a very high demand technology field and would likely always have a job, so I'm fairly confident I'd be earning.

Worst case scenario, we foreclose. If things get that bad, I'd likely have more things to worry about such as nuclear war or smallpox pandemic.
31   komputodo   2022 Mar 6, 8:04pm  

Ceffer says
I'd take my kids out of school for a year and eat beans every night before having them take those shots. Your wife sounds like the type who would blame you either way. If you let them have shots, and their health suffers from it, she will blame you. If you insist they don't take the shots, she'll blame you for the results to a few life conveniences and opportunities. Whining and shrieking AFTER the fact of the jabs is too little too late. Also, there is a serious ethical question about how you deal with your own children knowing what you know when you let them take the jab but you had the opportunity to spare them.

Nobody knows where to pay for a fake jab? Maybe a local clinic in a poorer part of town.
32   🎂 RWSGFY   2022 Mar 6, 8:06pm  

File for a religious exemption. I think it's the best path forward.
33   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 8:15pm  

RWSGFY says
File for a religious exemption. I think it's the best path forward.
I've thought about that. I did it for my new job and avoided the jab, but I'm not sure how CA schools would take an exemption, but it's definitely an option.
34   mostly reader   2022 Mar 6, 8:18pm  

porkchopexpress says
mostly reader says
Quick Zillow check shows that Nashville is a lot cheaper than, say, Bay Area. 1.4mil buys a lot of house. Is it a hard number? I'd think that you may be able to lower it, perhaps a lot, without sacrificing your current living conditions. Or is it not so?
Look at Franklin and Brentwood, specifically houses zoned to Ravenwood HS or Brentwood HS.

Everyone is bidding up homes like crazy. One is listed for $1.35M and has been bid up to $1.6M just in the first weekend. It’s nuts.
Here's my search: https://www.zillow.com/brentwood-tn/sold/house_type/3-_beds/2.0-_baths/7_p/?searchQueryState=%7B%22pagination%22%3A%7B%22currentPage%22%3A7%7D%2C%22usersSearchTerm%22%3A%22Brentwood%2C+TN%22%2C%22mapBounds%22%3A%7B%22west%22%3A-86.94309726337974%2C%22east%22%3A-86.59634128193443%2C%22south%22%3A35.87978411164303%2C%22north%22%3A36.07658069954294%7D%2C%22regionSelection%22%3A%5B%7B%22regionId%22%3A30583%2C%22regionType%22%3A6%7D%5D%2C%22isMapVisible%22%3Atrue%2C%22filterState%22%3A%7B%22price%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A900000%2C%22max%22%3A1250000%7D%2C%22mp%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A3300%2C%22max%22%3A4584%7D%2C%22lot%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A10890%7D%2C%22built%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A2000%7D%2C%22sort%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3A%22days%22%7D%2C%22ah%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Atrue%7D%2C%22con%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22mf%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22manu%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22land%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22tow%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22apa%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22apco%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22sch%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Atrue%7D%2C%22beds%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A3%7D%2C%22baths%22%3A%7B%22min%22%3A2%7D%2C%22rs%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Atrue%7D%2C%22fsba%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22fsbo%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22nc%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22cmsn%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22auc%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%2C%22fore%22%3A%7B%22value%22%3Afalse%7D%7D%2C%22isListVisible%22%3Atrue%2C%22mapZoom%22%3A12%7D&source=patrick.net

Filters: Brentwood, Sold, 900K-1.3mil, Build in 2000+, 1/4acre+, 3+bd, 2+ ba

316 Results. Many of them recent.

Although the same filter changed to "For Sale" only showed 1 result. That 1 result was right under 1 mil but "coming soon".

Not sure what to make of it, and not sure about schools. Perhaps that's where the catch is.
35   RC2006   2022 Mar 6, 8:20pm  

RWSGFY says
File for a religious exemption. I think it's the best path forward.


This and if that doesn't work I know it's illegal but could you just make some fake vacine paperwork up, I mean come on its ok for illegals.
36   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 8:22pm  

RC2006 says
RWSGFY says
File for a religious exemption. I think it's the best path forward.


This and if that doesn't work I know it's illegal but could you just make some fake vacine paperwork up, I mean come on its ok for illegals.
True, but this DOJ could throw me in the brig if they find out.
37   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 8:24pm  

mostly reader says
Filters: Brentwood, Sold, 900K-1.3mil, Build in 2000+, 1/4acre+, 3+bd, 2+ ba

316 Results. Many of them recent.

Although the same filter changed to "For Sale" only showed 1 result. That 1 result was right under 1 mil but "coming soon".

Not sure what to make of it, and not sure about schools. Perhaps that's where the catch is.
Your filter is for sold homes. For sale? Much different story. There are a few options we're looking at, but the prices and inventory are ridiculous.
38   mostly reader   2022 Mar 6, 8:31pm  

porkchopexpress says
Your filter is for sold homes. For sale? Much different story. There are a few options we're looking at, but the prices and inventory are ridiculous.
Yes, I mentioned that part. Does it mean that the market it going through a drastic and rapid boom? Or perhaps there's something seasonal going on and there'll be more inventory going forward? What do the agents say?
39   Patrick   2022 Mar 6, 8:38pm  

I would absolutely refuse under all conditions to let kids be injected with the experimental gene-modifying thing.

The injection is not reversible.


uploads/2022/03/1_b3c9_46a4cd9094ca7c0576e5dc51982797fc_500x0

And the truth is already out.
40   porkchopXpress   2022 Mar 6, 8:39pm  

mostly reader says
porkchopexpress says
Your filter is for sold homes. For sale? Much different story. There are a few options we're looking at, but the prices and inventory are ridiculous.
Yes, I mentioned that part. Does it mean that the market it going through a drastic and rapid boom? Or perhaps there's something seasonal going on and there'll be more inventory going forward? What do the agents say?
Ok. The agent says this is the most abnormal market he's ever seen. He admits interest rates are rising, but he doesn't entirely believe that's going to drive prices down...granted, he's a realtor.

A TON outsiders are moving into this area to escape blue states and it's a highly sought-after zone because of Franklin and the schools. It's elite. There's a reason the rich are buying up this place.

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