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Indeed, must of childhood is "fuck around and find out" in a non-lethal setting.
This makes them be either too involved or not at all. Either of those make for bad outcomes.
Also 80%+ of boyz need physical discipline
Everybody is born at Stage 1 and has to work their way "UP", and many get stuck around Stage 4. But Stage 4 is fine for a society to prosper.
The problem is, a society run by self-actualized hyper individualists results in children, who have to work their way up from Stage 1, being stuck at Stage 3 because without enforced rules and social shaming, they can never grasp the Good Point of Rules and achieve Stage 6 themselves, which should be kept to oneself.
The problem is Stage 6 values are being thrust down the pipeline as early as Elementary School ("Transunicorn", etc.) and causing anomie and making it impossible for the young to follow the rules until they reach maturity to learn which rules are important and vital and which can be personally ignored in the privacy of their own home.
In other words, you need at least a 40s-50s American Society of Mild Patriarchy and universal standards to thrive, but if the thrivers then impose their own rule-bending ideas and self-liberation/self-actualization ideas on the youth, then the youth becomes stunted since there are no Rules to obey out of Stage 3.
You cannot have clear cut rules in a multi-cultural society in particular, at least if the minority is over a certain small percentage. Minorities are like spice. A dash is good, too much ruins the meal.
So they get stuck at Stage 3 and we end up with selfishness and victim pleas.