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Why kids today are out of shape, disrespectful and in charge
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2016 Jan 31, 4:40pm 19,220 views 53 comments
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FortWayne
2016 Apr 3, 11:28am
The study I cited was measuring the success of the outcome which is a clearly measurable objective. In the study referenced above they do not take into account the character of the children in the first place. If we can agree that the majority of parents are likely NOT child abusers, then the parents in their study who were spanking their kids likely did so because the kids had a more aggressive nature to begin with. Btw. there is not much wrong with being aggressive or have alpha traits in moderation as these traits will make your kids more successful later in life. Kids (esp. boys) regularly get into fights at the playground and it is their part of a natural development.
I noticed that with children too. Some can be talked to, others from day one require spanking, and some can't be spanked and require different discipline. Everyone has their own emotional state, yet liberals think they have a single answer for every child. They are so misguided.
Indiana Jones
2016 Apr 3, 11:52am
If we can agree that the majority of parents are likely NOT child abusers, then the parents in their study who were spanking their kids likely did so because the kids had a more aggressive nature to begin with.
You are making an assumption based on ???. What about the assumption that the PARENTS who spanked were more aggressive then parents who don't spank, and NOT the children?
Let's say a child is aggressive. What real threat is an aggressive three year old to an adult? How much of a threat is a one year old to a parent that they need to resort to physical abuse? Around 50% of one year old babies aren't even walking. There are so many alternative ways to deal with babies and children other then hitting them, but they take knowledge, energy, self-control, time, and patience with the process.
Ironman says
Too many parents today won't demand that their kid follow directions. They all want to be their kids best friend, which turns out to be a disaster!!
They end up raising kids like mentioned in the OP...Parents need to ramp up their authority to what ever level it takes when verbal requests aren't followed. Severe punishment, loss of privileges and if needed, physical persuasion to get the kids to follow the rules. If I parent doesn't get control of their kids behaviour at a early age, they'll turn out to be the whiny, disrespectful Millennials we see here at Patnet!
It doesn't have to be either/or. I agree parents do not need to be their children's "friends". This is detrimental for the child -- the parents needs to be an authority figure, absolutely. But physical punishment isn't the only alternative. You can have authority over your child without having the threat of physical punishment hanging over the childhood. Hitting someone else (adult or child) is invasive, violent and humiliating.
It's the difference between ruling with fear or ruling with quiet authority. Physical punishment makes children fear that person.
What about the assumption that the PARENTS who spanked were more aggressive then parents who don't spank, and NOT the children?
That is very possible, as in high-energy achiever families their DNA in general may exhibit more aggressive traits (there's good and bad aggressiveness). That has nothing to do with the outcome of the kid though wrt parenting. With 5 years you expect kids to be a little aggressive. Fights in the classroom during break were normal back then before they started medicating everybody, esp, the boys. - which is real child abuse compared to a rare spank. What is important is that they recognize and respect authority and develop the smarts to understand basic human nature.
Let's say a child is aggressive. What real threat is an aggressive three year old to an adult? How much of a threat is a one year old to a parent that they need to resort to physical abuse? Around 50% of one year old babies aren't even walking. There are so many alternative ways to deal with babies and children other then hitting them, but they take knowledge, energy, self-control, time, and patience with the process.
Who is talking about one year olds who cannot even express themselves?. A late 2 to 3 year old however can do enough damage to hold up the whole family, which is not fair to the other kids. That's why back then when families had always more than one kid sometimes swift action was necessary. Nobody said it's the only alternative and I guarantee you that 99% of the parents try potential alternatives first. The far bigger problem are those who throw up their hands and do nothing as opposed to the few that spank out of laziness or worse anger (which is already a crime).
It's the difference between ruling with fear or ruling with quiet authority. Physical punishment makes children fear that person.
Fear is a valid and useful instinct. Bringing up kids in an environment without fear instead of teaching them how to handle and use it to their advantage is bad parenting. You can love and trust someone and at the same time fear them in the case that you royally misbehave. And you can completely lose respect for somebody and even develop hate towards somebody who gives in to you on every occasion. Every society relies to some extent on the fear of its citizens about the repercussion of breaking the law (either from the government or from other citizens), some maybe too much and some maybe not enough.
Dan8267
2016 Apr 3, 2:15pm
Thank you for proving my point. You liberals are such retards it's too funny.
Only an asshole like you would think that child abuse is funny.
In Sweden, a generation of kids who've never been spanked
From the article,
The United States and Somalia are the only two countries that haven't ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, an international treaty that recognizes the human rights of people younger than 18.
That says it all. When the only ally you can find is Somalia, you're not part of the civilized world.
So FortWayne, you beat your son while he was growing up, right? How did that turn out? How is your relationship with your son today?
FortWayne
2016 Apr 3, 2:51pm
Only an asshole like you would think that child abuse is funny.
Only a moron like you thinks spanking is child abuse.
Dan8267
2016 Apr 3, 2:57pm
Only an asshole like you would think that child abuse is funny.
Only a moron like you thinks spanking is child abuse.
Indiana Jones
2016 Apr 3, 5:32pm
My guess is that you're not a parent or ever spent any time being responsible for the care of any children. Is that guess correct?
Your guess is incorrect.
FNWGMOBDVZXDNW
2016 Apr 3, 6:42pm
It looks like you were given
You were either beaten or dropped on your head as a child. Latent homosexuality and the associated self loathing alone can not explain all of your disfunction.
Dan8267
2016 Apr 3, 6:57pm
It looks like you were given
You were either beaten or dropped on your head as a child. Latent homosexuality and the associated self loathing alone can not explain all of your disfunction.
However, it can go a long way.
Dan8267
2016 Apr 3, 7:13pm
Oops, you're confusing me with this guy:
-
No one would confuse you with a real man. Just another one of your fantasies.
« First « Previous Comments 41 - 53 of 53 Search these comments
"The Collapse of Parenting" - Dr. Leonard Sax has been a parent, family physician and psychologist for 27 years, conducting workshops around the world for parents, teachers, social workers, counselors, school psychologists and juvenile justice professionals.
The Associated Press: What exactly do you mean by a collapse of parenting?
Sax: I wrote about an office visit with a 10-year-old boy who is sitting and playing a game on his mobile phone, ignoring me and his mom as I’m talking with his mom about his stomachache. And his mom is describing his stomachache and the boy says, ‘Shut up, mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ And he laughs.
That would have been very unusual in 1990 or 2000. It is now common: children, girls and boys, being disrespectful to parents, being disrespectful to one another, being disrespectful to themselves, verbally and otherwise. The mother did nothing, just looked a little embarrassed. The culture has changed in a profound way in a short period of time in ways that have really harmed kids.
AP: What is the book really about?
Sax: The transfer of authority from parents to kids. I think you should treat kids like grown-ups. I think you should expect them to be mature and to behave, and I think that’s what it means to treat someone like a grown-up, among other things, although the phrase to treat someone like a grown-up is ambiguous.
It’s not about the abdication of authority.
For example, it’s common now in this country to find parents who are chauffeuring their 8-year-old or 12-year-old around to various schools, among families that are choosing a school, and the parent functions as educational consultant. The parent makes a recommendation, but the child makes the final decision. I know of cases where the kid was clearly making the wrong decision and the parents knew it but nevertheless felt completely powerless to overrule their child. The child is the one who suffers.
AP: What are some other examples?
Sax: The same is true with regard to a cellphone in the bedroom. You now find kids at 10, 12, 14, 16 years of age who have their phone in their bedroom at two (o’clock) in the morning. You take the device at night and you put it in the charger, which stays in the parents’ bedroom. No child should have a phone in their bedroom unsupervised.
That’s not just my opinion. That is the official teaching of the American Academy of Pediatrics in guidelines published (in) October 2013. But you would be astonished, or maybe you wouldn’t be, how many parents find that an impossible recommendation. They feel that they have no authority over their child in many domains.
AP: You refer to the value of family dinner.
Sax: Research shows having a family meal at home without distractions is important. Every day. Not doing that indicates that time spent at home with parents is the least important priority. It doesn’t matter. It can be overlooked and forgotten.
By communicating that time at home as a family is our highest priority, you are sending the message that family matters. So many kids are in the race to nowhere, trying to add things on to their resume through extracurricular activities with no sense of why. They just burn out at 15 years of age.
AP: What types of things can parents do to help a child or teen become a fulfilled adult?
Sax: The first thing is to teach humility, which is now the most un-American of virtues. When I meet with kids I ask them what they think it is and they literally have no idea. I’ve done that from third grade through 12th grade. The high school kids are more clueless than the third-graders.
They have been indoctrinated in their own awesomeness with no understanding of how this culture of bloated self-esteem leads to resentment. I see it. I see the girl who was told how amazing she was who is now resentful at age 25 because she’s working in a cubicle for a low wage and she’s written two novels and she can’t get an agent.
The second thing is to enjoy the time with your child. Don’t multitask. Get outdoors with your child.
The last thing: Teach the meaning of life. It cannot be just about getting a good job. It’s not just about achievement. It’s about who you are as a human being. You must have an answer.
More: http://www.sacbee.com/news/nation-world/national/article56473378.html