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Why are liberals afraid of guns?


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2013 Jan 19, 2:37am   23,931 views  60 comments

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http://corporatemofo.com/miscellaneous_editorial_rantin/why_we_liberals_dont_like_guns.html

1. We're Afraid of Loud Noises
We liberals are vegetarians, and, like most herbivores, we are easily startled by loud noises caused by things like guns, pickup trucks, and Ted Nugent. This brings us to the fact that. . .

2. We Don't Hunt
Tofu doesn't run away, and the biggest animals in my neighborhood are the subway rats. Besides which, since we believe so strongly in animal rights, it goes without saying that deer have as much right to live and be free and run for Congress as people do. Also, the thing about guns is that. . .

3. Bullets Come Out of Them
And bullets can poke your eye out, which is what Mom always said what would happen if we played with BB guns. Speaking of which. . .

4. We Know About As Much About Them As We Do About Fixing a '56 Chevy
Face it: Most liberals, being city-dwelling pansies, have never actually shot a firearm. (I have. Twice. Once was black powder, which involved the distinct possibility of blowing myself up.) However, even with my limited experience in shooting, I quickly discovered that. . .

5. We Liberals Are Really, Really Nearsighted and Clumsy
Most liberals, including Yours Truly, wear really, really thick nerd glasses and are secretly afraid we'd be really lousy shots. Also. . .

6. Shooting Involves Being Outdoors
We'd rather stay in and read Noam Chomsky and write letters to the Village Voice and work on our pasty complexions. However, no matter how liberal we are, one of the things about guns that scares us is. . .

7. We're Afraid Negroes Might Use Them Against Us
As much as we may decry any and all racism, most liberals can't name, off the top of their head, the last time they actually hung out with a black person. The hypocrisy inherent in this issue is worth a whole story, except that I'd get branded a racist and no one would ever talk to me again.

Also, it goes without saying that. . .

8. We Really Wish We Were European
Because we heard that European women are easy. However, you're not allowed to have guns in Europe. Speaking of Europe. . .

9. We Are Trying To Make You All Into Homosexuals
And that AR-15 just doesn't go with that handbag, girlfriend. Come to think of men in uniform. . .

10. We Haven't Had Any Really Good Wars Recently
There are two wars we liberals really wish we'd been around for. The first is World War II, because, to judge by how we always compare everyone to Fascists, we would have loved to help defeat the Nazis (but not the Japanese, because, Pearl Harbor notwithstanding, they were the victims of racism).

The second war we wish we'd been around for is Vietnam, but only to protest it, because nothing will ever again be as cool as the 1960s were. Also, we hear protesting the war got you laid.

Which brings us to. . .

11. We Like to Legislate
The liberal solution to a problem is to pass more laws. Only by constantly holding the threat of getting sued over everyone's head all the time can we create a just society. After all, people are inherently good and fair-minded, and that's why we need more laws to make them behave.

Actually, the real reason that we legislate so much is. . .

12. We're Trying To Install A UN-Led Zionist Occupation Government
We're Jewish, we're trying to take over, and only you and your .22 stand between us and complete world domination!

In fact, the Jewish lust for power brings up another fear. . .

13.We're Secretly Afraid We Might Shoot Someone
No! No! Bad thought! After all. . .

14. When I Was Just a Baby, My Momma Told Me, "Son, Always be a Good Boy, Don't Ever Play with Guns"
But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

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40   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 20, 10:17am  

Why does gun obsession and American "Christianity" go so well together?

41   PeopleUnited   2013 Jan 20, 10:22am  

robertoaribas says

Vaticanus says

Jesus said who is a Christian. I'll leave it up to you to discover for yourself what he says. For now I will rephrase, Being catholic or being pope does not make you a Christian. Again, Jesus will define it for you if you want him to. Or you can just ignore him, the choice is yours. I am not jesus.

since we don't really have any recordings or writings from jesus, this will be tough. We do have the gospels, which weren't written by his contemporaries... (and don't tell the same tail, but heck... its not like being born of a virgin would have been important to all of them...)

not to mention, that the catholic church kept Christianity alive pretty much alone for what, 13 centuries, until Martin Luther came along? just want to drop those 1300 years out of the history of your belief?

You are mistaken, see The Trail of Blood, the "heretics" who refused to bow to Rome before Luther was a twinkle in his fathers eye. The catholic church persecuted Christians long before Luther came along. But again, this thread is about gun crime. Or do you just want to talk religion?

42   marcus   2013 Jan 20, 10:23am  

Good question.

43   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 20, 10:25am  

marcus says

Don't tell the kid your a Jew though or you're in trouble!

44   nope   2013 Jan 20, 10:47am  

gsr says

Kevin says

That only addresses accidental discharge (which is something most people would aim to avoid anyway), so it probably wouldn't have much of an impact.

Not true, we are concerned about accidental discharge and the fear of falling on the wrong hands, such as in the hands of a younger member of the family. Clearly, if you cannot buy guns unless you have a huge premium to pay for them. Bigger the gun is, bigger is the insurance.

Gun size has little to do with the damage it can cause. I'd be much more concerned about a modern handgun than a shotgun.

It does not eliminate the possibility the illegal gun possession directly. But the current laws about gun bans that you have been espousing wouldn't. You can prevent surprising mass shooting at school or movie theater using this. But you can't prevent gang bangers shooting each other. Banning guns won't do that either.

I haven't "espoused" any gun bans, actually.

*banning* guns (as in, make the production and possession of them entirely illegal for everybody) would definitely prevent gang bangers from getting guns. But that's never going to fly in the US, and it will be irrelevant in another 10 years anyway since anybody will be able to print a gun at home.

The way to prevent gun violence is to change the culture so that people don't want to resort to firearms to solve their problems.

45   nope   2013 Jan 20, 11:38am  

Call it Crazy says

Kevin says

The way to prevent gun violence is to change the culture so that people don't want to resort to firearms to solve their problems.

Ahhhh, your finally getting it!!! Nice!!!

Sorry, I think you'll find that I have a very different idea of what it means to "change the culture" than you do.

46   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 20, 11:42am  

Call it Crazy says

Kevin says

The way to prevent gun violence is to change the culture so that people don't want to resort to firearms to solve their problems.

Ahhhh, your finally getting it!!! Nice!!!

I say we shoot anyone that resorts to firearms to solve their problems!

47   StillLooking   2013 Jan 20, 1:48pm  

If you are not afraid of guns, you are a fool.

48   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 20, 2:01pm  

Call it Crazy says

Moderate Infidel says

I say we shoot anyone that resorts to firearms to solve their problems!

I think that's the idea why people want to be able to protect themselves in their homes from criminals who are solving their money "problems" by robbing people...

I agree, and the only guns needed are a 12 gauge shotgun with 00 buckshot and a .357 revolver with hollow point. A rifle will penetrate walls and kill your neighbor or family.

49   thomaswong.1986   2013 Jan 20, 2:07pm  

Kevin says

*banning* guns (as in, make the production and possession of them entirely illegal for everybody) would definitely prevent gang bangers from getting guns.

... change the words guns to drugs and you have your answer.

50   nope   2013 Jan 20, 2:12pm  

thomaswong.1986 says

Kevin says

*banning* guns (as in, make the production and possession of them entirely illegal for everybody) would definitely prevent gang bangers from getting guns.

... change the words guns to drugs and you have your answer.

You can't grow a gun in your back yard.

51   HEY YOU   2013 Jan 20, 3:24pm  

Vaticanus,

Calling my comments"..sick and disgusting logic" & that I should be "ashamed" "..is personal and a personal attack." & has nothing to do with the thread. Now, who's off topic? Wait!your attack made this the topic.

52   StillLooking   2013 Jan 21, 1:42am  

thomaswong.1986 says

Kevin says

*banning* guns (as in, make the production and possession of them entirely illegal for everybody) would definitely prevent gang bangers from getting guns.

... change the words guns to drugs and you have your answer.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG

Guns require some heavy industry. This is just another one of the gun people's dishonest arguments. And the proof is found in the countries that have banned guns.

But of course the dishonest gun proponents want to ignore the evididence from countries more advanced than the USA that have banned guns.

53   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 21, 1:53am  

Call it Crazy says

Moderate Infidel says

A rifle will penetrate walls and kill your neighbor or family.

Well, then you need to go back to the range to practice on how to acquire and hit your intended target.

If you're shooting through walls and hitting your neighbor, maybe you should move out of the apartment and into a house.

It would be much easier, cheaper and effective to just use a shotgun.
Rifles are made for long distance targets which is why they over penetrate.
I guess I could line my walls with 3/4 inch steel and tell the burglar to hold nice and still while I look through my rifle scope and get a good bead on him.

54   zzyzzx   2013 Jan 21, 2:06am  

Liberals only want the government and criminals to have guns.

55   Moderate Infidel   2013 Jan 21, 2:09am  

zzyzzx says

Liberals only want the government and criminals to have guns.

I'm a criminal and I disagree with that statement.

56   nope   2013 Jan 21, 3:25am  

zzyzzx says

Liberals only want the government and criminals to have guns.

I only want welfare queen black lesbians to have them actually. Just to infuriate right wingers.

57   Thedaytoday   2013 Jan 21, 3:26am  

zzyzzx says

Liberals only want the government and criminals to have guns.

Moron, you know that's untrue.

58   zzyzzx   2013 Jan 21, 3:27am  

Thedaytoday says

zzyzzx says

Liberals only want the government and criminals to have guns.

Moron, you know that's untrue.

I was being sarcastic.

59   Thedaytoday   2013 Jan 21, 3:29am  

zzyzzx says

I was being sarcastic.

Really! It's impossible to tell, you seem vile all the time.

60   FunTime   2013 Jan 21, 6:02am  

Unfortunately, we, and our children, still iive in a time when people enjoy killing each other. Some choose to participate and some don't.

Some evidence suggests people are changing, but slowly. Maybe the information age is speeding this up? I suspect we'll continue taking backwards steps to slow progress towards our peaceful nature.

http://stevenpinker.com/publications/better-angels-our-nature

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