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The Starship Federal Reserve


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2013 Nov 7, 9:09pm   652 views  1 comment

by Brentok3   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

Aboard the StarShip Federal Reserve:

The characters: Captain Ben, Starfleet Printing Press Commander
Snotty, Printing Press Engineer
Schlock, native of the planet Freon, all-around logical person and party-pooper
Dr. Jones, doctor to crew and printing press psychiatrist
Bubba J, intergalactic redneck who ends up fixing what Captain Ben and other crewmembers screw up
The Wingons, evil race of intergalactic economists who point out that Captain Ben's policies are unsound and counterproductive, and who continually attack the Starship FedReserve with their gold and silver cannons
The Jargonauts, from the planet Jargon, planet of economists who all spout meaningless phrases in an attempt to secretly take over the universe while concealing their true motives

Captain Ben: Snotty, I want double-plus Uber power on the printing press!! We're headed for planet QE5557 on a burst of monetary power!!
Snotty: Cap'n, I donna know if the press can take such a burst of monetary power.
Captain Ben: QE5556 almost did the trick!! One more QE will put us over the edge to monetary nirvana and self-sustaining recovery. Or so my Jargonaut economists tell me.
Schlock: QE is illogical, you cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear over and over again. Jargonauts believe there can be growth without growth in production or in consumer incomes. This does not compute.
Jargonaut1: FULL SPEED AHEAD!! Fire all monetary cannons at once and explode into space!!
Crewmember1: Captain, I have detected a Wingon incursion into our monetary space. And I see tracers coming from their gold and silver cannons. Brace for impact!!!!
BOOOOOOOOM!!CRAAAAAAAASH!! Ship shakes while explosions are heard.
Captain Ben: Damage report, Snotty!
Snotty: Cap'n, our monetary integrity has been a-damaged! Consumer incomes are a-falling! The gold and silver cannons have damaged our monetary policy!
Captain Ben: Bubba J, I need you to fix up the printing press immediately. Of course, no overtime, and you'll have to pay for your own UnaffordableNoCareAct.
Bubba J: I'll need extra duct tape and baling wire for this one, your press is an old FedReserveAct of 1913 model. It really needs upgrading to a more 21st century model, but I'll get er done right quick.
Dr. Jones: The printing press is slightly depressed right now. We don't want to hurt it's feelings. Best to give it a rest before it prints any more.

Captain Ben: Nonsense! That printing press can print full blast just as soon as Bubba J is done with it.
And so Bubba J gets the printing press repaired just in time for the next burst of monetary easing.
BOOOOOOOOOM!!!CRAAAAAAASH!!! The ship shakes and explosions are heard.
Schlock: Captain, my sensors indicate that the Wingons are at this time boarding the starship, and will be entering the bridge momentarily.
Captain Ben: Prepare for emergency measures! Place Monetary Hand Blasters on stun/obfuscate!!
Wingons now enter the bridge and there is fierce fighting as the Fed Reserve starship crew fires their Monetary Hand Blasters against the Wingons, who fire their Gold and Silver hand cannons.
Dr. Jones: Captain, the Wingons are falling back! We have stunned/obfuscated them into submission by the sheer weight of our monetary arguments!
Captan Ben: Now that we have vanquished our foes, start up the printing press, Bubba J.
Bubba J: The press works fine, but for extra power I wired up a space bungee, the regular power source couldn't take the heat. It's all ready to fall apart, but it does work.

And so our monetary pioneers continued to go where no man has gone before, pioneering dimensions of money printing that, if and when they ever prove successful, will prove that you really can get something for nothing......

Stay tuned for our next episode, where Captain Ben and Starship Federal Reserve fight for control of the monetary dark matter!

Comments 1 - 1 of 1        Search these comments

1   Dan8267   2013 Nov 9, 6:17am  

StarTrek was always more believable than Federal Reserve economic policy: the key to wealth creation is constant currency debasement by means which extract buying power from the middle class that it earned and transfers that buying power to rich bankers who have produced nothing. Yeah, that's not science fiction.

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