patrick.net

#4

Why not just get him to agree to pay tuition for your children's private school? You maintain your residence independence, and you don't have to worry about school districts. Probably cheaper and less risky for him, too.

LaMorinda here we come?
Waiting for the next dip (2017/8 according to Ducky) is cutting it close for the start of kindergarten.
I agree with Ceffer, though, I doubt the FIL will see it that way. I'm betting he'd see the tuition as "throwing money away" while the house is an "investment".

Ceffer says

Why not just get him to agree to pay tuition for your children's private school? You maintain your residence independence, and you don't have to worry about school districts. Probably cheaper and less risky for him, too.

Cosign.

Buying a home for a "better school district" is not wise.

Public schools are generally subpar. It's true that the public schools in wealthier areas are better but they are still subpar.

Which is unfair since all public service should be equal regardless of class but that's another topic.

Private school is where you need to send your children. Especially in Southern California.

The amount of money that will be spent on taxes, utilities, maintenance, interest and monthly payments total until it's paid off will be enormous.

All for a public school?

Than she will have to go to college.

If you send her to private school she may do so well that everything maybe paid with a scholarship due to excellent grades from a good private school.

Always send your children to private school if you can from the start.

Yes, Pride is/can be a big issue. Really depends on the relationship that you have with your father-in-law and even with your wife.

It could leave a big unspoken silence hanging over your head at any and all meetings. Since you didn't JUMP at the offer, it means that you're smart to have stepped back and looked at it and you and F-I-L are not BFF.

I'd pass but the suggestion that if he's wanting to help, ask if he'd be willing to pay for private school tuition. I agree that (in my never-to-be humble opinion) that most public schools suck; it's merely to what degree of sucking. Most private schools are MUCH better (although there are of course the stinkers in there too). If he's willing to foot the tuition bill, there probably will be much less expected of you and much less uncomfortable silence at family gatherings.

You'll lose either way.

take this offer and don't listen to rule #4 and don't let your pride fool you

What are the expectations from both parties, and you say for 5 to 10 years.

What is the exit strategy in this plan?
Is this a speculative purchase where he figures in 10 years, there will be a huge equity pay off for him? If so what happens if it's only worth 1/2 or 2/3rds of the purchase price when you're done with it?

From the face of it, it's a matter of letting FIL carry your rent for a decade. But if he's counting it paying him back when he's ready to get out, like a retirement plan. Then that's what I would be careful about.

As a father I can understand wanting to help your kids, and especially help them stay in the area. I don't relish the idea of my tykes growing up and moving away. But blood is thicker than water, and any strife that comes between you and your wife, they will take her side. If you are committed to the marriage tho, with all it's ups and especially downs, and the FIL isn't a jerk, then you could assume good intentions. Having parents nearby is an incredible gift when you have small children, especially if they'll babysit. Having family to help raise kids is nothing to scoff at. Sure there is bound to be drama, but intra family drama is better than intra marriage drama which is what will happen when you're both overwhelmed with parenting responsibilities and haven't had a date night in six months. Your area is great, the only major problem there is how to find housing. It looks like the FIL is willing to help with that MAJOR issue in that area. Your kids will either do well in school or they won't. The "goodness" of public schools is mostly a product of whose kids go there. Stay clear of the gangbanger areas and la Raza contingent and you'll probably be just fine. California schools aren't bad. It's the kids (and esp their parents) that go to some/many of the schools that make them undesirable.

In conclusion, I wish I had your problems. I've been financial on my own since I could vote, and don't live anywhere near family. I'd take in laws every day over nobody. And establishing a place to live has been such a monumental headache that I'm on patnet.

Take the money and then offer to work on his car brakes.

It will be grist for the mill for the rest of your lives.

Even if your FIL doesn't ever mention it, there will be an implied expectation. For example, "hey guys, spend Christmas with me." He knows that you owe him. If you say no, he will think to himself that you are ungrateful. "Look at all I've done for them, and they can't even spend Christmas with me."

Your wife is also likely going to feel guilt over owing her father. Her way of dealing with it might be different from yours. Also, it's possible that this gesture by her father will fortify the parent-child apron string. Instead of her husband being the "provider," it's her father. This could cause problems later on and is just something to think about. You know your wife better than I do, obviously.

All that said... Buying a house is a big deal. It's become ridiculously difficult. You ARE very lucky to have such an offer on the table. If you can honestly know that you would be okay with the resulting expectations and possible role changes (your FIL being a provider to your family) then there's no reason that you shouldn't give yourself an edge on homeownership. Life's tough enough... Some advantages are worth it.

Because of this:

OnTheFence says

we would be on the hook for utilities and maintenance.

Nope.

Roof, plumbing, electrical?

My FIL had a plumbing problem where the line to the street had to be re-run. $8k later it was fixed. They had to bring out heavy equipment and dig up the street.

I agree with this:

turtledove says

It will be grist for the mill for the rest of your lives.

Even if your FIL doesn't ever mention it, there will be an implied expectation. For example, "hey guys, spend Christmas with me." He knows that you owe him. If you say no, he will think to himself that you are ungrateful. "Look at all I've done for them, and they can't even spend Christmas with me."

My FIL is super cool, but I'd never get into this type of agreement with him.

Ceffer says

Why not just get him to agree to pay tuition for your children's private school? You maintain your residence independence, and you don't have to worry about school districts. Probably cheaper and less risky for him, too.

I would prefer him to do just that, but that was not the offer, and at the time (last weekend). So a bit more background, I'm white, and he's Vietnamese. Owning a piece of property is a big deal. So partly he wants his grand daughter to have more room.

The plan would be that after we were ready to buy our own house we would move out and he could do what he wishes with it, sell it, rent it, whatever.

mmmarvel says

Yes, Pride is/can be a big issue. Really depends on the relationship that you have with your father-in-law and even with your wife.

Our relationship is one of distance and we are certainly not close. Again, there is an odd asian father dynamic between him and I (I'm white). He's also a very savvy businessman and has done well for himself.

It's sad to say but I don't want there to be a scenario where he is enabling us to live our lives....it's prideful but can't shake it.

It's a generous offer. Think of all scenarios before you move in. Are you moving into a fixer, how much would it cost to fix it up?

Living rent free for 5 to 10 years is very generous unless there are maintenance costs. Make sure that's in some form of agreement on paper, that he can't just kick you to the curb one day. No paper, you have no way to stay there. Because times change, and people change.

The only real issue here is the #4 and only you know your family.

Robber Baron Elite Scum says

Always send your children to private school if you can from the start.

Such nonsense. I went to a public school and see no point in going private unless your public school is ranked lower than a 6 or 7 on GreatSchools.net.

8,9, and 10 ranked public schools beat out most private schools. Perfect example of private school students... Paris Hilton and the Kardashians. If your kid has enough moral compass and is smart enough to avoid the allure of drugs and the fame seekers they will run into in private schools... then they will be smart enough to avoid the wrong crowds in public schools as well. Hire a good tutor if a couple teachers aren't getting through to little Johnny. It would still be way cheaper than private school tuition.

The only reason I would consider sending my kid to a private school is if they were being bullied or put in an unsafe environment in a public school.

Never accept gifts from your enemies.

OnTheFence says

4. I've always heard to not mix family and money, and I never have. Anyone have experience with something like this that ended up turning into a "wish we never would have" scenarios.

Do you like your father-in-law? Is he really able to afford what he is offering.. Or could he fall on hard times and have to rescind the offer. I don't see a big problem with it if your wife isn't worried. Worst case scenario you have to short sale the house or foreclose and your father-in-law takes most of the hit. Can't be much worse than taking a loan from a bank.