patrick.net

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The FDA has approved a fake vaccine for staged photo shoots by celebrities and politicians, the administration announced today.

After reviewing the placebo vaccine for weeks, FDA experts confirmed it was totally safe for celebrities to take while posting selfies to social media telling you to get vaccinated.

"We are proud to approve this placebo so that celebrities and politicians can smile and give you a thumbs up while we inject them with a totally fake vaccine," said an FDA spokesperson. "American ingenuity, science, and medical know-how all came together to make this happen in record time."

As Ian McKellen posted his celeb selfie getting the vaccine, there was a bit of a scare as a nurse thought she had accidentally given him the real thing. "What!?" McKellen screamed. "I don't want that rushed-to-market substance injected into me! Who knows what's in there? That's for the poor people!"

"Oh wait -- false alarm. We injected you with the placebo after all," said the nurse.

"Whew! Close one."

Wow. I knew the world situation was bad, but I didn't know it was this bad:

I'd love to get some of those stickers to leave on the pump just like that, btw. They will have to be real fast peel, stick and run stickers.