Political Humor Thread
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2019 Feb 17, 4:30pm 3,234,090 views 44,062 comments
by Patrick ➕follow (59) 💰tip ignore
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7793
FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut
2020 Dec 10, 9:01pm
FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut
2020 Dec 10, 9:01pm
Dbr6 says
You know i saw fox this morning, they were very supportive of Trump. But again, it might be just show specific. Tucker hasn't changed.
You know i saw fox this morning, they were very supportive of Trump. But again, it might be just show specific. Tucker hasn't changed.
7794
Bd6r
2020 Dec 10, 9:09pm
Bd6r
2020 Dec 10, 9:09pm
FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut says
tucker is the only one I watch, the rest I can not stand
Tucker hasn't changed.
tucker is the only one I watch, the rest I can not stand
7798
richwicks
2020 Dec 12, 5:39pm
richwicks
2020 Dec 12, 5:39pm
thenuttyneutron says
pedealfile - pedophile.
I always have to think about things like those.
"I'm sofa king, we tard did" got me. Until I said it outloud I didn't hear it, then of course I did.
pedal file or pedal folder?
pedealfile - pedophile.
I always have to think about things like those.
"I'm sofa king, we tard did" got me. Until I said it outloud I didn't hear it, then of course I did.
7800
richwicks
2020 Dec 13, 6:22am
richwicks
2020 Dec 13, 6:22am
I know a lot of you people hate Jimmy Dore, but I found this hilarious.
www.youtube.com/embed/BCzxR-vo9nA
People thought that Trump was abrasive. He had the press, the leadership of both parties, the intelligence agencies, and a ton of celebrities libeling him, and slandering him for 4 years. Should Biden be placed into power, I think he's going to do as much damage to the establishment as Trump did, but Biden is going to do by being a complete asshole as a president.
www.youtube.com/embed/BCzxR-vo9nA
People thought that Trump was abrasive. He had the press, the leadership of both parties, the intelligence agencies, and a ton of celebrities libeling him, and slandering him for 4 years. Should Biden be placed into power, I think he's going to do as much damage to the establishment as Trump did, but Biden is going to do by being a complete asshole as a president.
7802
MisdemeanorRebel
2020 Dec 13, 1:06pm
MisdemeanorRebel
2020 Dec 13, 1:06pm
FortWayneAsNancyPelosiHaircut says
You know i saw fox this morning, they were very supportive of Trump. But again, it might be just show specific. Tucker hasn't changed.
7803
Patrick
2020 Dec 13, 4:38pm
Patrick
2020 Dec 13, 4:38pm
Me AT GROCERY STORE:
Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?
Cashier: to protect people from Covid.
Me : but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad?
Cashier: no words. Confused look.
Me : Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore?
Cashier : Because of covid 19 to reduce the spread of catching or spreading the virus.
Me : But a shelf packer took it out of a box and put on the shelf, a few customers might of picked it up and put back deciding they Dont want it, I put it in my cart then on the conveyer belt, YOU pick it up to scan it.. But putting it in a bag after you scan is risky?
Cashier : no words, confused look
Me AT DRIVE-THRU
Server: (holds a tray out the window with a bag of food for logical friend to grab)
Me: why is my bag of food on a tray?
Server: so I don’t touch your food because of Covid.
Me: didn’t the cook touch my food? Didn’t the person wrapping my food touch it and then touch it again when placing it in my bag? Didn’t you touch the bag and put it on the tray? Didn’t you touch the tray?
Server: no words. Confused look.
Me in SOCIETY
Society ; If you cough or sneeze do it in your elbow or sleeve,
Also society : Don't shake hands or hug anyone or you will spread the virus..
To greet people do an elbow tap instead.
Me : Elbow tap? Isn't that where you tell people to sneeze or cough? into their elbow? Now you want people to tap each other with that elbow.
wouldn't it be safer to sneeze into elbow and shake hands like we did before Covid?
Me AT RESTAURANT:
Hostess: ok, I can seat you at this table right here (4 feet away), but I will need you to wear a mask to the table.
Me: what happens when I get to the table?
Hostess: you can take off the mask.
Me: then it is safe over there?
Hostess: yes.
Me: are those fans blowing above the table? Is that the air-conditioning I feel? Is the air circulating in here?
Hostess: no words. Confused look.
SOCIETY : You are not allowed to stand and drink at the pub you have to sit down.
But at the shopping centre you are not allowed to sit down, all the chairs are roped off.
Who thinks this stuff up?
Life is hard for logical people right now. We are being raised without the ability to process and execute logic
Copied & pasted
Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?
Cashier: to protect people from Covid.
Me : but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad?
Cashier: no words. Confused look.
Me : Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore?
Cashier : Because of covid 19 to reduce the spread of catching or spreading the virus.
Me : But a shelf packer took it out of a box and put on the shelf, a few customers might of picked it up and put back deciding they Dont want it, I put it in my cart then on the conveyer belt, YOU pick it up to scan it.. But putting it in a bag after you scan is risky?
Cashier : no words, confused look
Me AT DRIVE-THRU
Server: (holds a tray out the window with a bag of food for logical friend to grab)
Me: why is my bag of food on a tray?
Server: so I don’t touch your food because of Covid.
Me: didn’t the cook touch my food? Didn’t the person wrapping my food touch it and then touch it again when placing it in my bag? Didn’t you touch the bag and put it on the tray? Didn’t you touch the tray?
Server: no words. Confused look.
Me in SOCIETY
Society ; If you cough or sneeze do it in your elbow or sleeve,
Also society : Don't shake hands or hug anyone or you will spread the virus..
To greet people do an elbow tap instead.
Me : Elbow tap? Isn't that where you tell people to sneeze or cough? into their elbow? Now you want people to tap each other with that elbow.
wouldn't it be safer to sneeze into elbow and shake hands like we did before Covid?
Me AT RESTAURANT:
Hostess: ok, I can seat you at this table right here (4 feet away), but I will need you to wear a mask to the table.
Me: what happens when I get to the table?
Hostess: you can take off the mask.
Me: then it is safe over there?
Hostess: yes.
Me: are those fans blowing above the table? Is that the air-conditioning I feel? Is the air circulating in here?
Hostess: no words. Confused look.
SOCIETY : You are not allowed to stand and drink at the pub you have to sit down.
But at the shopping centre you are not allowed to sit down, all the chairs are roped off.
Who thinks this stuff up?
Life is hard for logical people right now. We are being raised without the ability to process and execute logic
Copied & pasted
7804
mell
2020 Dec 13, 4:50pm
The reason is we have stooped to the lowest common denominator which conveniently also gives the government the highest degree of power. They don't even need to come up with stuff that makes sense as long as it's denigrating and controlling it gives people the warm and fuzzy token feeling that they are cared for like in 1984. The whole Covid situation could have been addressed with one sentence: Use common sense, heightened hygiene and respect the rules of private businesses or don't frequent there.
7808
richwicks
2020 Dec 13, 11:55pm
richwicks
2020 Dec 13, 11:55pm
Patrick says
'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'
'Four.'
'And if the party says that it is not four but five -- then how many?'
'Four.'
The word ended in a gasp of pain. The needle of the dial had shot up to fifty-five. The sweat had sprung out all over Winston's body. The air tore into his lungs and issued again in deep groans which even by clenching his teeth he could not stop. O'Brien watched him, the four fingers still extended. He drew back the lever. This time the pain was only slightly eased.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four.'
The needle went up to sixty.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four! Four! What else can I say? Four!'
The needle must have risen again, but he did not look at it. The heavy, stern face and the four fingers filled his vision. The fingers stood up before his eyes like pillars, enormous, blurry, and seeming to vibrate, but unmistakably four.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four! Stop it, stop it! How can you go on? Four! Four!'
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Five! Five! Five!'
'No, Winston, that is no use. You are lying. You still think there are four. How many fingers, please?'
'Four! five! Four! Anything you like. Only stop it, stop the pain!'
Abruptly he was sitting up with O'Brien's arm round his shoulders. He had perhaps lost consciousness for a few seconds. The bonds that had held his body down were loosened. He felt very cold, he was shaking uncontrollably, his teeth were chattering, the tears were rolling down his cheeks. For a moment he clung to O'Brien like a baby, curiously comforted by the heavy arm round his shoulders. He had the feeling that O'Brien was his protector, that the pain was something that came from outside, from some other source, and that it was O'Brien who would save him from it.
'You are a slow learner, Winston,' said O'Brien gently.
'How can I help it?' he blubbered. 'How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four.'
'Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.'
He laid Winston down on the bed. The grip of his limbs tightened again, but the pain had ebbed away and the trembling had stopped, leaving him merely weak and cold. O'Brien motioned with his head to the man in the white coat, who had stood immobile throughout the proceedings. The man in the white coat bent down and looked closely into Winston's eyes, felt his pulse, laid an ear against his chest, tapped here and there, then he nodded to O'Brien.
'Again,' said O'Brien.
The pain flowed into Winston's body. The needle must be at seventy, seventy-five. He had shut his eyes this time. He knew that the fingers were still there, and still four. All that mattered was somehow to stay alive until the spasm was over. He had ceased to notice whether he was crying out or not. The pain lessened again. He opened his eyes. O'Brien had drawn back the lever.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four. I suppose there are four. I would see five if I could. I am trying to see five.'
'Which do you wish: to persuade me that you see five, or really to see them?'
'Really to see them.'
'Again,' said O'Brien.
Perhaps the needle was eighty -- ninety. Winston could not intermittently remember why the pain was happening. Behind his screwed-up eyelids a forest of fingers seemed to be moving in a sort of dance, weaving in and out, disappearing behind one another and reappearing again. He was trying to count them, he could not remember why. He knew only that it was impossible to count them, and that this was somehow due to the mysterious identity between five and four. The pain died down again. When he opened his eyes it was to find that he was still seeing the same thing. Innumerable fingers, like moving trees, were still streaming past in either direction, crossing and recrossing. He shut his eyes again.
'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'
'I don't know. I don't know. You will kill me if you do that again. Four, five, six -- in all honesty I don't know.'
'Better,' said O'Brien.
Who thinks this stuff up?
Life is hard for logical people right now. We are being raised without the ability to process and execute logic
'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'
'Four.'
'And if the party says that it is not four but five -- then how many?'
'Four.'
The word ended in a gasp of pain. The needle of the dial had shot up to fifty-five. The sweat had sprung out all over Winston's body. The air tore into his lungs and issued again in deep groans which even by clenching his teeth he could not stop. O'Brien watched him, the four fingers still extended. He drew back the lever. This time the pain was only slightly eased.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four.'
The needle went up to sixty.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four! Four! What else can I say? Four!'
The needle must have risen again, but he did not look at it. The heavy, stern face and the four fingers filled his vision. The fingers stood up before his eyes like pillars, enormous, blurry, and seeming to vibrate, but unmistakably four.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four! Stop it, stop it! How can you go on? Four! Four!'
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Five! Five! Five!'
'No, Winston, that is no use. You are lying. You still think there are four. How many fingers, please?'
'Four! five! Four! Anything you like. Only stop it, stop the pain!'
Abruptly he was sitting up with O'Brien's arm round his shoulders. He had perhaps lost consciousness for a few seconds. The bonds that had held his body down were loosened. He felt very cold, he was shaking uncontrollably, his teeth were chattering, the tears were rolling down his cheeks. For a moment he clung to O'Brien like a baby, curiously comforted by the heavy arm round his shoulders. He had the feeling that O'Brien was his protector, that the pain was something that came from outside, from some other source, and that it was O'Brien who would save him from it.
'You are a slow learner, Winston,' said O'Brien gently.
'How can I help it?' he blubbered. 'How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four.'
'Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.'
He laid Winston down on the bed. The grip of his limbs tightened again, but the pain had ebbed away and the trembling had stopped, leaving him merely weak and cold. O'Brien motioned with his head to the man in the white coat, who had stood immobile throughout the proceedings. The man in the white coat bent down and looked closely into Winston's eyes, felt his pulse, laid an ear against his chest, tapped here and there, then he nodded to O'Brien.
'Again,' said O'Brien.
The pain flowed into Winston's body. The needle must be at seventy, seventy-five. He had shut his eyes this time. He knew that the fingers were still there, and still four. All that mattered was somehow to stay alive until the spasm was over. He had ceased to notice whether he was crying out or not. The pain lessened again. He opened his eyes. O'Brien had drawn back the lever.
'How many fingers, Winston?'
'Four. I suppose there are four. I would see five if I could. I am trying to see five.'
'Which do you wish: to persuade me that you see five, or really to see them?'
'Really to see them.'
'Again,' said O'Brien.
Perhaps the needle was eighty -- ninety. Winston could not intermittently remember why the pain was happening. Behind his screwed-up eyelids a forest of fingers seemed to be moving in a sort of dance, weaving in and out, disappearing behind one another and reappearing again. He was trying to count them, he could not remember why. He knew only that it was impossible to count them, and that this was somehow due to the mysterious identity between five and four. The pain died down again. When he opened his eyes it was to find that he was still seeing the same thing. Innumerable fingers, like moving trees, were still streaming past in either direction, crossing and recrossing. He shut his eyes again.
'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'
'I don't know. I don't know. You will kill me if you do that again. Four, five, six -- in all honesty I don't know.'
'Better,' said O'Brien.
7810
Onvacation
2020 Dec 14, 10:53am
Onvacation
2020 Dec 14, 10:53am
That girl is going to be a track star. Check out her running form. Her brother runs like a girl.
7812
SunnyvaleCA
2020 Dec 14, 12:42pm
Patrick says
Me AT GROCERY STORE: Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?ApplePay is awesome. Double-push the watch button, hold near sensor, done. Another benefit is that you can authorize while the items are still being scanned.
Cashier: to protect people from Covid.
Me : but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad?
Cashier: no words. Confused look.
Me : Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore?Eh. I prefer to pack my own bags so I can organize the contents by where they go in my house. Plus, I feel embarrassed to appear to be so lazy they I'd stand around and let other people pack my own bags.
Cashier : Because of covid 19 to reduce the spread of catching or spreading the virus.
7813
richwicks
2020 Dec 14, 1:03pm
richwicks
2020 Dec 14, 1:03pm
SunnyvaleCA says
The point is, that all these precautions don't do anything but we all have to pretend they are effective in someway of preventing the supposed pandemic.
If there was a real pandemic, there would be bodies of homeless people stewn in the street. Are there?
Me AT GROCERY STORE: Why is there plastic on the payment keypad?ApplePay is awesome. Double-push the watch button, hold near sensor, done. Another benefit is that you can authorize while the items are still being scanned.
Cashier: to protect people from Covid.
Me : but isn’t everyone touching the plastic keypad the same way they would the regular keypad?
Cashier: no words. Confused look.Me : Why Dont you pack the grocery bags anymore?Eh. I prefer to pack my own bags so I can organize the contents by where they go in my house. Plus, I feel embarrassed to appear to be so lazy they I'd stand around and let other people pack my own bags.
Cashier : Because of covid 19 to reduce the spread of catching or spreading the virus.
The point is, that all these precautions don't do anything but we all have to pretend they are effective in someway of preventing the supposed pandemic.
If there was a real pandemic, there would be bodies of homeless people stewn in the street. Are there?
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