patrick.net

NoCoupForYou says

She's basically a stunt director who ONLY does sex scenes.

Pornhub should pouch her.

https://babylonbee.com/news/jrr-tolkien-appears-with-army-of-the-dead-to-attack-anyone-who-tries-to-make-lord-of-the-rings-woke

Terrified progressive scholars, movie executives, journalists, and bloggers ran screaming Thursday as they were confronted by an apparition of J.R.R. Tolkien leading the Dead Men of Dunharrow to destroy anyone who tried to make his work "woke."

"I summon you -- fulfill your oath!" the late Tolkien cried after venturing under the mountain to find the undead army. Tolkien raised Anduril aloft, and the army submitted to the professor, allowing him to lead them into battle against everyone trying to deconstruct his book and make it woke.

From writers pushing "queer readings" of his epic, heavily Catholic, and decidedly traditionalist and non-woke magnum opus to movie studio executives looking for ways to put nudity into their film and show adaptations, thousands fell in battle against the army. Those running the Tolkien Society's latest woke conference heard a low rumbling and looked into the distance, terrified, to see the professor leading the army against them. "Onward!" a laughing Tolkien cried as the people trying to ruin the greatest book ever written scattered before the awful and terrible sight.

"I release you from your duty," Tolkien said, causing the army to disappear, then going off to see if he could get any decent tobacco before returning to the afterlife.

The only way to handle a woman born when the world was lit only by stars, and the Lamps of Valinor Telperion and Laurelin yet to be lit, who saw the oathtaking of Feanor and all the destruction the oathkeeping and oathbreaking did over thousands upon thousands of years from the moment she stood on the precipice of fleeing Heaven for Earth in the depths of time, ingathering those both who lost Heaven and never knew it to keep a bit of that Heaven alive on Earth as she was both banned and held by oath and pride from returning herself, and the wisdom and perception gleaned from such a long standing view...

... is to turn her into the Bestest Eva Armor Clad Female Warrior, disappear her husband Celeborn, and pretend she isn't Elrond's Mother in Law but imply she is younger yet wiser than he is.

Sexify one of the best writers writings. FML. I've read everything of Tolkien's maybe 3-5 times. Hollywood can all die at this point.

Peter Jackson did okay with the trilogy and the Hobbit. It needed to be 6 movies for LOTR. Hobbit he got better understanding you cannot do it in one movie. I get there are expenses out the ass on movies like that, but it was disappointing. I assume it will be redone at some point before I age and die. Maybe someone will get it much better. So much missed in LOTR movies. We're talking entire chapters. Maybe it was filmed and editing tossed it. I've never really looked into it.

When can we look forward to 'Bwana of the Rings'?

I think they could explore a whole Hobbit feature set in The Shire. They only covered it about 10 minutes in the movie until the ring scene that set the quest. Then it was never seen really again. I could see a Flintstone live action meets Hobbit's production, with some campy goofy storyline, that is just another cheesy knockoff of previously cheecky attempts to live action a story that probably didn't need to be done.

It would still be way more interesting than what Woksters and Disney is doing.

Haha, I was never much of a fan of fantasy, but I enjoyed science fiction, especially hard science fiction.

The rights to Larry Niven's Ring World were purchased 30 years ago. I used to be frustrated that it was never put into production, but there were limitations to the technology then, but there aren't now.

Every day, I hope that this film is never made.

It could be translated to film well, but, I know Pedowood now. They'll entirely fuck it up. It will be a mindless fucking action film of stupidity. The book was - "wow, look at this fucking incredible structure that was created and this insane world built by something that humans would think of as Gods!" The entire book was an adventure of how incredible the discovery was. That was Rendezvous with Rama as well.

The story was the imagination it invoked and it being superficially possible. It was kind of like fantasy, but it was grounded in as much physics as possible. If scrith could be made, Ringworld is possible. But I also did the calculations, the ringworld would be moving at something like 1/10th the speed of light. It would cause blueshift of the sun it was around.

If Hollywood made Ring World I could see them glossing over 95% of and focusing on the different aliens having sex that takes up one paragraph. No way they could make that book into a movie without fucking it up. I use to want to see Hyperion made into a book, not anymore. Dune sucked, I Robot with Will Smith sucked. Hollywood isn't capable, 95% percent of the time now its about in your face propaganda, diversity quotas, and lgbt.

I don't want to see black elves and gay dwarves which you know are coming to Lord of the Rings.

RC2006 says

I Robot with Will Smith sucked.

Haha, it only shared the name of the book.

I was pleasantly surprised by Starship Troopers, I loved the film, although it was nothing like the book. One of the best satires that exists, although when it came out most people took it literally. That was such a savage satire.

RC2006 says

I don't want to see black elves and gay dwarves which you know are coming to Lord of the Rings.

I almost do. I want to see Pedoweird BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNN.

Fuck them and their stupid propaganda. I want to see them waste millions on shit. Fuck them.

Ezra Miller is a pedophile, they spent $200,000,000 on his film, I hope they make $20 on it. Fuck these goddamned pedophile pieces of shit. Fuck them. I want them to make total garbage, ruin everything, and become irrelevant. They're scum.

You guys are a harder crowd than porno night at San Quentin.

RC2006 says

I don't want to see black elves and gay dwarves which you know are coming to Lord of the Rings.

It's Gay Elves and Black Dwarves. A Black FEMALE Dwarf to be precise. And Black Hobbits.

Annatar isn't in it either, it's a Male Human nammed Hildebrand or some shit who will be subversive Sauron's form. Always the White Males!

But really, this is all you need to know:


There's also Don Lemon the Black Elf in it.

JRR Tolkien was so old school based, he heard about Hippies having Hobbit weddings and almost incinerated his own works over it.

Niven's Ringworld is pure candy for the wokesters, with all that rishathra going down. Pedowood totally screwed up Ender's Game. The paucity of imagination in Pedowood is astonishing.

They should at least allow equal screen time for Tarzan.
Tarzan Yell: https://youtu.be/MwHWbsvgQUE
Sorry about Bad Tube, Pat.

$1B Budget for Community Theater Outfits.



And Manboob Armor where the metal plates wrinkle at the elbows.

stereotomy says

The paucity of imagination in Pedowood

Spoiled child dynastics raised shopping Rodeo Drive instead of real script writers with real life experience. All they can do is recycle, and they can't even evaluate what they recycle accurately. They are kind of the Elite printing press diplomas as opposed to to the diversity printing press diplomas.

stereotomy says

The paucity of imagination in Pedowood is astonishing.

I had high hopes for Wheel of Time on Amazon Prime. Got super woke. Really they screwed up the story mangling it beyond belief just for purposes of being woke. I don’t mind adaptions and condensing longer stories to make shorter one and stuff. But this was just punitive toward people who liked the story. Ugh. I can’t stand fags anymore. They just barf their gayness all over everything they touch.

Ceffer says

stereotomy says

The paucity of imagination in Pedowood

Spoiled child dynastics raised shopping Rodeo Drive instead of real script writers with real life experience. All they can do is recycle, and they can't even evaluate what they recycle accurately. They are kind of the Elite printing press diplomas as opposed to to the diversity printing press diplomas.

You know, if you want to see some interesting different stories and ideas, really, look to foreign films.

Has anybody heard of Vanilla Sky? Watch the original - Abre Los Ojos, that's Spanish. Nightwatch and Daywatch are Russian, those are pretty good. There's a lot of creative and smart foreign films, and I know many people think "Film Snob!" but some foreign films are just incredible. Cronos is one of Guillermo del Toro's first works, and it's excellent, and it's both spoken in Spanish and English. Ron Perlman (I hate his politics) is the bad guy in it. To help del Toro finish the film, he took a paycut so the film could be completed, del Toro and Perlman have been friends ever since.

Ever heard of Femme Nikita? It was redone as Point of No Return - sometimes (oftentimes) the original film is much better than the American remake. See Nikita first than Point of No Return. Nikita is better subtitled (I know some french, but it's really gone to shit, but I still don't need the subs so much) but Point of No Return is just mediocre and forgettable. There's a lot of wonderful foreign films, and they do NOT engage in this woke bullshit. Look overseas.

I think part of the "people who watch foreign films are snobs!" is part of a marketing campaign by Pedowood, to keep you in that box of their own profit. There are a LOT of AWFUL foreign films, but there's some great ones, lots of them. I think it's too bad that some, frankly incredible and really quite smart and brilliant works, are largely overlooked, just because they were made for a foreign audience.

I've been meaning to see The Intouchables - that's a French film about a troubled black man that becomes the caretaker of a billionaire quadriplegic. Reviews for foreign films are also better, because there's no money involved. Rotten Tomatoes and the IMDB aren't bullshit for them, yet.

"The first Dwarf of Color!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OidIZ9FjZkM

And no Annatar, Sauron as the "Lord of Gifts" in one of his fair forms.

We all know that White (Human) Males are evil, so Sauron is going to be one of them, instead of a Skillful Elf of Great Bearing.

Young and the Restless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEgwhOTF1UU