patrick.net

Hard to follow here. Are you splitting with the wife, giving her the house, then taking the RV to find a new homestead?

Pretty much, this was the plan to start with when we returned from South America, but she lasted about a month in the RV. I loved it! Quiet, efficient, comfortable, and much more "outside" than living in a condo or SFH.

There is no house to give, however. I own one property but it's a rental studio and in a family trust I took over when my dad passed.

I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Depends on so many variables.

That is sad and tough for kids.

Very sorry to hear that, but the fat lady hasn't sung yet necessarily. Could be a negotiation phase.

White people have gotten to the point, where less than 30% of White Nuclear families stay together long enough to see their kids move out of the house.
Then a large chunk of that 30% divorce, not soon after. The percent of families that stay together long enough to be Grandparental unit for their grandkids, are quite low.
Yet we're the first ones to point at POC and bitch about them breeding like flies, not getting married, fatherless children, and broken homes.

I hope it works out for your two kids under 13.

It's easy to point fingers and never a "good" thing, but it's better than both being unhappy. At 13 kids should be old enough to know they're being loved and cared for by both parents. Today picking a good womyn means someone stable enough not to fuck up your kids and somewhat hot and also a good companion. There are maybe 1 in 1000 womyn who qualify and it's getting worse daily. Don't envy young men of today. If it works for you, great! Every married man has fantasies of roaming free, every single one ;)

One word - support network.



Doh!

mell says

It's easy to point fingers and never a "good" thing, but it's better than both being unhappy. At 13 kids should be old enough to know they're being loved and cared for by both parents. Today picking a good womyn means someone stable enough not to fuck up your kids and somewhat hot and also a good companion. There are maybe 1 in 1000 womyn who qualify and it's getting worse daily. Don't envy young men of today. If it works for you, great! Every married man has fantasies of roaming free, every single one ;)

Nor I. The Boomers had it bad, but there were still enough rightly raised bitches. Gen X was worse. Millies are far worse.

I'm in my mid 40s, married in early 30s, and my kids are 8 and 3. But I realized I'd be constantly putting out fires, demands to move all over the place, and nagging until the day I die, with no financial security, because even if I hid money, she'd find it after retirement and demand we'd wander Europe for 6 months every year.

Somebody's got to show my kids how to pay bills and sock away money and have balance in their lives; married to my wife I can have none of those things.

Yessir.Tenpoundbass says

Yet we're the first ones to point at POC and bitch about them breeding like flies, not getting married, fatherless children, and broken homes.

Ironically, she's Hispanic, and ALL of my Puerto Rican NY'er in-laws are MAGA to the Max. She's the only Liberal at family gatherings. Even the Matriarch Grandma of the family is 110% MAGA. Her retired NCO husband passed a few years ago, none of her kids (all guys my age) speak much Spanish because dad insisted on English-only in the house.

Her issue is she is a working class girl who went to an Elite Liberal Arts school on a scholarship and ALL of her friends are rich, whose parents are STILL supporting them into their 40s with their Artistic Endeavors. They're either never-married or they were married to another rich kid for a few years; none of them have children. And they're all, of course, Far Left Democrats/socialists.

She wants to live in a Ritzy Condo and eat Sushi Delivery every night and traipse around the world. Like her friends. She's not a bad person, she just dreams of a lifestyle beyond her reach. When she FINALLY gave up on her Artist Dreams this year, she replaced it with a delusion of being very well off and starting a business and making 6 figures in a few months... so from one extreme to another. Everything has to be NOW! There is no live cheap, work, invest, etc.

I just need to Establish Order in my life and do so for the sake of my kids. The only way I will establish order is to get divorced; I've tried everything from reason, to sympathy, to stomping my big foot down. Nothing works.

Woke up a few days ago, stopped putting up with her shit, she asked me what my problem was, and I said "You're my problem".

And it was the truth. There's nothing I can't handle, but I can't be the fireman all the time.

Anyway, I feel fucking positive for the first time in 2-3 years.

Feelin' like 45 seconds in:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I2bilNkEVw

CaptainHorsePaste says

But I realized I'd be constantly putting out fires, demands to move all over the place, and nagging until the day I die, with no financial security, because even if I hid money, she'd find it after retirement and demand we'd wander Europe for 6 months every year.

I do feel lucky with my wife. She's as cheap as I am. We live a very modest life and are both fine with it, unless she's been great at hiding emotions for decades, lol. We still rent, which is way cheaper than owning a house in our neighborhood even now.

My maternal grandfather made a lot of money as a bookie, but my grandmother managed to spend it all. He used to call her "The Chemist" because "she could turn money into shit." Kinda bitter, but I'm sure it was true.

Still time to develop some savings and net worth. I was pretty poor until 40's.

Your possible ex sounds like my nephew with his wife who is spoiled by her rich father. He takes them on a travel vacation every year all expenses paid. Nephew's extended family is already Bohemian Grove wealthy. She feels that she needs to travel all over the world at least a couple of times a year. I regard it as status groupie shit. They are I suppose what Victor David Hanson describes as the Coastal Elites: token, knee jerk liberals without bearing the consequences of their destructive, fashion slut politics.

My wife and I both say we should have married somebody rich and then have a good laugh about it. She is very thrifty, and I wouldn't deny her any portion of our shared net worth, she more than earned it.

I do think there is a trade off between having life experiences and saving if you have to work for it. It's not an easy decision. However, that is different from an entitlement vanity from trying to keep up with the rich kids. It seems that the fritter stuff is a female fantasy thing that runs a lot of men into the ground. There are even movie stars who divorced their money spending perfect blond wives because of profligacy. We had a neighbor for a while who 'stole' a husband who was a very well paid internet company exec. She was decorating their house. She wound up building a house in the upper hills and just somehow just spent the crap out of it, so he wound up divorcing her, also.

I guess the fantasy driven female can be fun until the dough runs out.

Thanks for your posts fellahs.

Patrick says

I do feel lucky with my wife. She's as cheap as I am. We live a very modest life and are both fine with it, unless she's been great at hiding emotions for decades, lol. We still rent, which is way cheaper than owning a house in our neighborhood even now.

You did well Patrick. I am a researcher, I won't buy anything without months of research. Most of the time I decide it ain't worth it.

The issue is her FB and lifetime friends who are all daughters of wealthy people. One friend's father was a doctor who probably makes 20k Euros on rents a month because he invested all his money in little apartment buildings. She also owns a condo in NYC which she rents out. The other is a SFBA Boomer Psychiatrist who still works in his 70s, and also owns multiple rental properties; he has nothing to do but encourage his daughter's artistic endeavors.

While we have (had, since my hours got cut as I'm in the Events business) a decent living, it all goes out the window from all the moving around and insisting on the best of the best in the best neighborhood.

I just woke the fuck up when I realized she has a $2k adjustable bed and begrudged me $300 in Ikea Furniture (we have no possessions in the USA). And I found out the Afterschool care, which she has the email/bill notifications to, was 5 weeks in arrears ($250) when I went to pick up my kid, but two Ulta bags full of makeup ($300) showed up the same week.

Ceffer says

I do think there is a trade off between having life experiences and saving if you have to work for it. It's not an easy decision. However, that is different from an entitlement vanity from trying to keep up with the rich kids. It seems that the fritter stuff is a female fantasy thing that runs a lot of men into the ground. There are even movie stars who divorced their money spending perfect blond wives because of profligacy. We had a neighbor for a while who 'stole' a husband who was a very well paid internet company exec. She was decorating their house. She wound up building a house in the upper hills and just somehow just spent the crap out of it, so he wound up divorcing her, also.

Funny you should mention it, @ceffer, I was thinking in the car. It's better to spend half a decade or so thinking about a great trip to the UK, so much so that you know exactly what you want to see. When you do it, some things you'll think you'll love are disappointing and some side trips turned out to be amazing. Just deciding to go and then do it in a few months makes the trip less 'special'.

But yeah, I could bore you all with little stories - it's nothing fantastic like running off and spending $10k on a bedroom set or worse, but it's the missing $1000 every single month. Now I know why some bills didn't get paid, and why she refused to let me get a "Guy/Gal Friday" in South America so I could take care of billpaying and some other shit.

I don't begrudge her anything, but the converse isn't true - she'll fight me on "needs" like a desk to work at ("Use the folding table your mom gave us") but turn around and insist on a $200 shake machine she uses once or twice a week.

Anyway, water under the bridge, upwards and onwards. Work, make decent money, save much of it by living a degree or two under the level you could afford. Plus no nagging and crazy enthusiasm for the next idea/purchase/cockamamie plot.

LOL! I guess it goes both directions. One of my wife's oldest friends got divorced in her late 50's. She was always the major breadwinner, though her husband worked. However, he made her drive around ancient beaters (an old Dodge van with 250K miles and peeling paint) while he had Mercedes, BMW mini racing cars with spare sets of wheels in the garage, and a share in a private airplane.

He had negligible savings or retirement in spite of working, but she had a nice nest egg over a million. She saw him on the computer one day looking at her retirement fund, and she knew he was lusting for it to spend. He started proposing hikes in remote areas with high cliffs for vacations, and she realized he was actually planning to kill her for the money. When they divorced, it turned out he belonged to five dating services and was having affairs when he took off to race his car on weekends while she was working full time AND taking courses to become a Nurse Practitioner.

She is really an excellent person, so that was too bad, but she was also stuck on this guy over a long marriage, and there's no accounting for tastes.

Ceffer says

He had negligible savings or retirement in spite of working, but she had a nice nest egg over a million. She saw him on the computer one day looking at her retirement fund, and she knew he was lusting for it to spend. He started proposing hikes in remote areas with high cliffs for vacations, and she realized he was actually planning to kill her for the money. When they divorced, it turned out he belonged to five dating services and was having affairs when he took off to race his car on weekends while she was working full time AND taking courses to become a Nurse Practitioner.

Whoa dude, crazy shit. Then Again, we've had that shit like that happen to Patrick.net members.

Seems her husband was planning to use the ole 'fell off the cliff backwards while taking a selfy' ploy. That's a real, recurring cause of death, apparently.

Well if you take the RV and are crazy enough to !Go West! one month then holler at wine country for a couple good pours

mell says

Well if you take the RV and are crazy enough to !Go West! one month then holler at wine country for a couple good pours

Thanks Brother! Gotta buckle down though and replenish the empty pot. Vice-Versa though if you want to see some rocket launches this summer.

AmericanKulak says

Then Again, we've had that shit like that happen to Patrick.net members.

Sadly true. My own theory is that Turtledove's husband was divorced once already and was about to get divorced again, from her. So he killed her to save that splitting of assets again.

mell says

Well if you take the RV and are crazy enough to !Go West! one month then holler at wine country for a couple good pours

Please invite me if that happens.

AmericanKulak says

I just need to Establish Order in my life and do so for the sake of my kids. The only way I will establish order is to get divorced; I've tried everything from reason, to sympathy, to stomping my big foot down. Nothing works.

Marriage is either Hard work, or forced labor. Which one you have is perspective really.

Tenpoundbass says

Marriage is either Hard work, or forced labor. Which one you have is perspective really.

Hope she doesn't get a guard job at your gulag.

AmericanKulak says

I just need to Establish Order in my life and do so for the sake of my kids. The only way I will establish order is to get divorced; I've tried everything from reason, to sympathy, to stomping my big foot down. Nothing works.

Woke up a few days ago, stopped putting up with her shit, she asked me what my problem was, and I said "You're my problem".

And it was the truth.

My friend/colleague was in a similar sort of relationship. Like some others of us in the department, he had socked away the patent bonuses and RSU's, max'd out the 401, etc etc. It was enough to fund a modest pension-less retirement. He was a bachelor most of those years, into his 40's.

He objectified women, particularly asian ones, the "asian mystique" I suppose. Since Patrick's blog is mainly focused on the Bay Area and Silicon Valley, I think most of us know that physically attractive women in this region, asian or not, are mostly not nice people. It comes to them naturally as they are in a ghetto of mostly male engineers who fawn over or objectify them and so it goes to their heads. Since he moved to here from flyover country I think he never got used to the idea that if you're just an engineer in Silicon Valley, you're not sh*t. Certainly, you're not "a catch". He became disgusted with the women in the Bay Area. He made up his mind to get an overseas assignment within the department in asia to find a suitable woman there. The process took some months before his relocation. During that time he was using the internet to line up candidates in asia.

Since he shared his plans with me I tried to get him interested in some of my american-born filipino wife's cousins who live there. Several of them were single. They spanned the age range 25-40. All college educated, some were nurses. Philippines went into nursing in a big way in the 20th century. For decades, the nursing degree was a ticket to the US or UK or Australia. Among my inlaws we have a few who leveraged their nursing training to immigrate to here. The Philippines went overboard with the nursing. There's too many of them. Consequently, if you are a nurse in the Philippines the pay is quite low. Too many of them there. Not so here. The Philippines-trained nurses (mainly, but not all, women) who come here can make bank in the field. They'll work all the overtime they can get, and pull the most undesirable night or weekend shifts for the pay differential. That's the thing about these filipino mail order brides, I know several of them including inlaws. My mother in law was even one of them. They work. They are hard workers, will work their asses off. Yes, it's true, some of them will "use" the mail order husband to get a green card and then ditch the guy. A significant fraction will do that, including some I know (even inlaws). But not all of them will do that, not even half of them.

My colleague was not interested in any of my inlaws. He had, what he called, "yellow fever". Fine. Whatever.

So instead he hooked up with an asian princess who he brought back here and begat him two kids. Working outside the home was beneath her dignity. She quickly caught on with the Joy Luck Club Of Silicon Valley of peers, mostly expat wives of expat husbands who were execs on assignment from the asian country they came from. These were execs, whose companies bankrolled all sorts of perks that my friend could not afford, - not engineers-in-the-trenches like her husband.

Due to some changes we saw coming for years we in the department saw the writing on the wall. We figured out our days in that gig were numbered. It stressed him out so much. He had enough to retire, even with upcoming expense of college for his two little kids, especially if he would relocate back to flyover country. But he told me that the princess would not allow them to relocate out of the SF Bay Area, where her tastes keeping up with her Joy Luck Club required an unsustainable burn rate. So a few weeks after the inevitable layoff he escaped the situation by taking his life.

In the years building up to this, I heard him commiserate often about the situation. He never asked me my opinion, or I would have said it, to divorce the bitch and then sue her ass for child support. I am quite confident he could have got the kids based on stuff I haven't shared here. Now he's gone and his two kids have a witch for a mom.

I think of him a lot and sometimes wish I had been more of a busybody and at least suggested he ditch the bitch. :(

@AmericanKulak,
If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

B.A.C.A.H. says

Due to some changes we saw coming for years we in the department saw the writing on the wall. We figured out our days in that gig were numbered. It stressed him out so much. He had enough to retire, even with upcoming expense of college for his two little kids, especially if he would relocate back to flyover country. But he told me that the princess would not allow them to relocate out of the SF Bay Area, where her tastes keeping up with her Joy Luck Club required an unsustainable burn rate. So a few weeks after the inevitable layoff he escaped the situation by taking his life.

Damn, I wasn't expecting that turn of events. Damn.

B.A.C.A.H. says

In the years building up to this, I heard him commiserate often about the situation. He never asked me my opinion, or I would have said it, to divorce the bitch and then sue her ass for child support. I am quite confident he could have got the kids based on stuff I haven't shared here. Now he's gone and his two kids have a witch for a mom.

I think of him a lot and sometimes wish I had been more of a busybody and at least suggested he ditch the bitch. :(

This is sorry to hear man, no fault on your side. It's not even something any of us would ask unless there were some red flags.

I guess I'm lucky. I get home from work and the GF tells me that she downloaded some Hitler speeches translated into English and wants to watch them

Bd6r says

@AmericanKulak,
If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

Thanks @Bd6r! Might swing by SE Tx sometime and check out the other Spaceport!

Bd6r says

If you are in SE TX with or without your RV let me know and good TexMex is on me.

I know that @Bd6r means it.

Booger says

I guess I'm lucky. I get home from work and the GF tells me that she downloaded some Hitler speeches translated into English and wants to watch them

I have to admit that is actually amusing.

AmericanKulak says

Anyway, water under the bridge, upwards and onwards. Work, make decent money, save much of it by living a degree or two under the level you could afford. Plus no nagging and crazy enthusiasm for the next idea/purchase/cockamamie plot.

At least you had the balls to give it a go. I'm a few years older than you (still 40s) and have never been married. Fuck that. Interestingly once I hit my 40s co-workers started opening up with me at lunch. I'd say about 90% of guys regret being married.

Then there is the 10% that were lucky.

My hat's off to you.

B.A.C.A.H. says

wish I had been more of a busybody

Too bad he didn't take up your advice for the Philippino women. They're great people and so are the guys.

My best friend in Texas lost his common law Taiwanese wife to cancer a few years ago. He's marrying a Philippino woman this year. I haven't met her yet but he's completely recovered from his loss as far as I can tell. Last time he wouldn't even officially marry the Taiwanese woman - she was super cool though I liked her.

AmericanKulak says

I don't begrudge her anything, but the converse isn't true - she'll fight me on "needs" like a desk to work at

Nope. Selfishness is one of the 5 Fatal Flaws. Compounding resentments every-damn-day.

AmericanKulak says

I am a researcher, I won't buy anything without months of research. Most of the time I decide it ain't worth it.

Ha. Not spending money is my Super Power. This is one of my core techniques.

Good luck Amigo.

Robert Sproul says

Ha. Not spending money is my Super Power. This is one of my core techniques.

Good luck Amigo.

Thanks man! Happy with a functional desk, a little light, a computer, and some good coffee. Everything else is extra.

Do you know I still reach with my left arm for the window lever in the car to roll it down? And I say "Damn, I'm a lucky sod" when I press the down window button. Still feels like an outrageous luxury.

just_passing_through says

At least you had the balls to give it a go. I'm a few years older than you (still 40s) and have never been married. Fuck that. Interestingly once I hit my 40s co-workers started opening up with me at lunch. I'd say about 90% of guys regret being married.

Then there is the 10% that were lucky.

My hat's off to you.

Thanks, buddy. It's all work and little reward. It's not like my house is clean and my kids squared away when I'm off work. Then the female stuff on top of it all.

AmericanKulak says

Thanks, buddy. It's all work and little reward. It's not like my house is clean and my kids squared away when I'm off work. Then the female stuff on top of it all.

It's rare that they bring much to the table these days. Mostly just bring debt.

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

Patrick says

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

Gigolo :-)

just_passing_through says

It's rare that they bring much to the table these days. Mostly just bring debt.

I won't even tell ya. Fortunately, unlike Commie Cult Fornia, Florida excludes all property AND all debt initiated before the marriage, unless there was an agreement to the contrary.

Patrick says

My wife paid off the last $4K of my college debt. That's when I knew she was The One.

"You have chosen... Wisely."

@#$@#%!!@#!@#!

MADHOUSE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFCM6TZgTMI&source=patrick.net

That's all I gotta say.

AmericanKulak says

MADHOUSE

you'll get through

AmericanKulak says

I won't even tell ya. Fortunately, unlike Commie Cult Fornia, Florida excludes all property AND all debt initiated before the marriage, unless there was an agreement to the contrary.

Interesting. I'm not sure I'd even risk getting married in Texas these days.