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Manhattan, NY – In a twist that reads like a script from a political thriller, former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been implicated as the mastermind behind the assassination of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealth Group. The motive? A denied mammogram.
According to leaked insurance documents, Clinton’s primary care physician requested the routine procedure, citing "just making sure everything’s all good in there." UnitedHealth, however, labeled the test “unnecessary” under her plan. “We don’t cover peace of mind,” the company allegedly told her in a rejection letter signed by Thompson himself. Mere days after this fateful decision, Thompson was found with multiple bullet wounds courtesy of a silenced pistol wielded by a masked man in a hoodie, who vanished into the bustling crowd of midtown Manhattan.
This revelation has naturally reignited the internet’s favorite pastime: speculating about the so-called "Clinton Body Count." Astute amateur detectives immediately linked Thompson's demise to a pattern of untimely deaths surrounding the Clintons, from Vince Foster to that guy who "accidentally tripped onto his own katana."
Clinton’s representatives were quick to denounce the rumors, calling them “ludicrous.” They noted that the former Secretary of State has “absolutely no time to orchestrate assassinations between her yoga classes and mock-human sacrifices in worship of Moloch, god of the underworld.”
But let's not let the drama overshadow the real issue here: the healthcare system in the United States continues its reign of terror on the wallets of the average middle-class American. Monthly premiums for health insurance have skyrocketed, turning what once was a benefit into a luxury akin to owning a yacht. Families across the nation now face the Herculean task of navigating through plans where even a simple doctor visit can break the bank, with deductibles so high they might as well be called "out-of-reach-ibles."
The irony is palpable: while CEOs might meet their end over a denied medical procedure, the average American might wish they could be so lucky to afford one. The system, critics argue, has become a labyrinth where the minotaur is a relentless billing department.
As the nation grapples with the brazen assassination of a high profile figure, the average American must contend with a broken system where staying alive feels less like a right and more like a luxury. Maybe, just maybe, instead of bullets, it's time to launch reforms. After all, if this satirical take on events teaches us anything, it’s that when the healthcare system lets you down, not even wealthy CEOs are safe.
NOW what would be extraordinarily hilarious would be the next guy -womever he is- who steps in and takes over, that he also gets blown the fuck away. As well as any other major CEO of these diseased and felonious corporate empires whose sole purpose is to drain the cash from the working class… the very example of a parasitic corporate entity who make their INSANE profits off the misery of people.
I seized Monday again. I was on the median about to hit a tree driving.
WookieMan says
I seized Monday again. I was on the median about to hit a tree driving.
It is not safe for you to be driving. Any responsible health care professional will tell you it is not worth the risk. You don’t want someone else’s injury or death on your conscience.
I'm probably the angriest driver you'd meet
Unfortunately, you're wrong.
If it's not in a contract you don't have to do it. It's not glib, it's law.
WookieMan says
Unfortunately, you're wrong.
If it's not in a contract you don't have to do it. It's not glib, it's law.
This is NYC, where legal gun ownership (let alone with a foot long silencer) is practically a capital offense for non-criminals. No way this wasn't supported by oligarchs or 3-letter agencies.
stereotomy says
This is NYC, where legal gun ownership (let alone with a foot long silencer) is practically a capital offense for non-criminals. No way this wasn't supported by oligarchs or 3-letter agencies.
Seriously? As if there was a strict border around NYC and illegal gun trade was not a thing. LOL.
Hell, even if you reload, powder is $55 PER POUND now. Even if you have the licenses, you can't afford the ammunition.
For decades, I have used the soap box and ballot box to attempt redress of my grievances. Because of the 1986 National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act I cannot access the jury box to appeal for the my son’s vaccine injury. Our story is a very common one, but it has never occurred to us to use the ammo box as an option. It honestly breaks my heart that someone finally may have. Because, if the murder of Brian Thompson is the violent result of just another heartbreaking medical injustice, then someone in the public has given up on the first three boxes ever working. ...
It is also difficult for me to see the rising folk hero status of this shooter, whom X is now tagging with the moniker “The Claims Adjuster.” Once this person becomes praised for what they have done, the risk of more impatient and angry individuals, many with justifiable rage, taking up arms against corporate criminals increases. Americans have been nursed on such stories in their network crime drama entertainment for decades, So taking violent action it is not a far stretch for some who have come to the end of their rope. No sane person working in good faith within a healthy system should come to the end of their rope. But ours is not a healthy system.
This is not the America we want. What we want is for the soap box, the ballot box, and the jury box to work. America is based on the ideas that wrongs are not to be settled with violence and street justice. But the fact that all three branches of government have failed in their duties to hold corporations and individuals accountable for their crimes and failures may now have broken that trust in of the rule of law that makes our civil society civil.
Americans aren't angry at the shooter. The longer he goes without being caught the greater his status becomes as a folk hero. It is easy to predict that if he is not caught this year, that he is well on his way to becoming the D.B. Cooper of the 21st century.
The tragedy of that is that what this man did was not just murder, and it was not just an assassination, it was an act of terrorism against the insurance industry. The day the story went public, Blue Cross Blue Shield was forced to retract its policy of limiting the amount of time that they would pay for anesthesia for a patient going through surgery. The terror attack immediately hit an intended target. And we have learned over the last 30 years that terrorism does work. Many respond to the induced fear by capitulating to the terrorist, both foreign and domestic.
This past several years saw our own government turn terrorist against its own citizens during the “pandemic” by inducing fear of death into a population gaslighted into acting against its own interests: locking down, closing their children's schools, walking away from the support of their own churches, restricting their own breathing, and injecting themselves with a poorly understood and largely untested cocktail of ingredients not proven to even prevent infection or transmission by a death virus, as the government characterized it. Fear works.
If the shooting of Brian Thompson is retribution for a legitimate complaint that was never made right by this company, then this act of pulling the trigger in retribution will get its intended effect by making corporate abusers take stock in their choices. ...
In this present moment we are close to resetting our government. I have been decrying for many years the fact that my Seventh Amendment right to a jury trial “[i]n suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars,” has not been “preserved” but rather has been obliterated. Because of the unconstituional 1986 Act, I cannot sue the pharmaceutical company that made the vaccine that gave my son lifelong brain damage. I have pointed out repeatedly that the entity that I and all parents have to appeal to for compensation is the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and that the the U.S. Department of Justice, in representing HHS and opposing families, ultimately protects the interests of the criminal and negligent pharmaceutical companies. The purpose of the DOJ is to protect victims from criminals, but it has been inverted to advance the criminals rather than the interests of their victims.
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