patrick.net

In this country (an many others), people live far away from their families due to their careers. In some areas of the country housing is affordable, so it doesn't make as much fiscal sense to share a home. But mostly, I doubt this would work because we have experienced a cultural shift from those countries referred to in the article.

How much of the move out expectation is on the parental side, not the kid side? Also, Americans are fiercely independent compared to other cultures. We lust to live life on our own terms, and nobody else's.

I like the multi-generational model. I have no idea why we don't do it here. Except that in my experience, most families don't build up something for kids to come back to. There may not be a big, sturdy family home. There may not be a family business. And, moreso, we greatly value leaving home, striking out on our own, because that is what our ancestors did in order to come here. Also, our cities seem to be sorted by trade. If you want to be a programmer and be immersed in interesting work, Bakersfield probably is not the place to be. So a lot of people end up making a choice between following their work and staying near to family.

But it's not all that great, doing it the way we do. Very inefficient. There was an NPR story that placed the value of living among a supportive family network at something over $100K per year. That may be a little high, but then again it might not be. I have seen big extended families who help each other with all sorts of repairs, childcare, moving house, finding good deals in life, building houses on the same land. The value of all that could be pretty high.

I agree that you can't place a value on family. It's important to build a social network where ever you are. It's simply not realistic in our society to remain in the same home with multiple generations, because we're transient. That and our culture values independence. It's a great idea, tho.

I hear many young men and women asking, “Why can’t I buy a home like my father did? Is something wrong with me?” The demoralizing struggle with this issue results in foreclosure, divorces, alcoholism and the disintegration of the American family.

Demoralizing. Ha! I was too young to know the particulars of my parents first house but let me tell you about their 2nd home which was in a bubble area, a beach town, in fact. I'm ignorant of what he made the year he bought the house but 5 years later I needed the info to apply for college. His income was 2.5x as much as the original price of the home, not the price after the downpayment but the total price. He was a self employed small businessman and that was the beginning of the 80s recession so he probably made more when he bought the house. How many people (single income) in their mid 30s make 2.5-3x more than the purchase price of their home today?

As far as living intergenerationally, I dated a Sicilian before meeting my husband. You got a nice package deal with that and I adored his famiily. His grandparents lived in the basement of their house while his family lived upstairs. You might think the grandparents got the short end of the stick but it was a w/o basement, sunlight filled and was pretty darn nice. She taught the granddaughter how to cook. (Oh mama could she cook!) She helped clean while the Mom who was the uber wage earner in the home was at work. Dad bought a beautiful sailboat and took everyone sailing every weekend. They were the closest family I've ever known. I don't think every family could pull it off so well though. You need mutual respect from all involved to keep it nice.

"The obstacle for the young buyer has always been the 10 percent down payment. With an entry level home in this area being $350,000, what was possible in the ’50s with a $6,000 home is often impossible today with the exception of an entry level condo at $125,000."

10% down? more like 20%

In this country (an many others), people live far away from their families due to their careers. In some areas of the country housing is affordable, so it doesn’t make as much fiscal sense to share a home. But mostly, I doubt this would work because we have experienced a cultural shift from those countries referred to in the article.

+1 elliemae. I left Oklahoma for California to pursue work. It was a very traumatic experience for me but I grew up a lot being on my own. Always having "Mom and Dad" close by to bail you out every time you screw up isn't that healthy either.

I'm not trying to say that children should wait on their parents hand and foot but let's be realistic here. How are baby boomers going to be taken care of in the future? Can't be just social security and medicare. Can't be nursing homes either. Vermont has a system called Choices for care that allows either a friend or a relative of someone to take care of them ($10/hr they get paid) but this is far less than nursing home care (which often isn't nurses)

The concept of ownership is nice but the idea that everyone needs a home (ignoring say condos and apartments) is a fallacy. Usually anyone I meet that moves quite a bit has very little to show for it. Things need to be paid off first and THEN you can move. I'm assuming most on this board have heard of Casey Serin? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casey_Serin buying nine or so homes scattered across the country isn't a bright thing.

You can't say on one hand you want to be mobile and yet want a house. It doesn't work that way. The market won't allow that anyway. Heck apartment prices where I am are STILL high because if someone loses their home that's really the only other thing to do (sat ifyou have money but not enough for a house) but on the same point there's plenty of people looking for roommates. So what's the point of moving out of one place where there was people to move into another where there's people. The concept is getting old and lacks logic.

I personally know someone that moved out and somewhat has his own place. But there's still this mentality of "entertaining" I'm sorry but simply buying a house just to host and entertain people is kinda lame.

I agree with your comment mdovell, "I personally know someone that moved out and somewhat has his own place. But there’s still this mentality of “entertaining” I’m sorry but simply buying a house just to host and entertain people is kinda lame."

I don't understand the concept too well because I never was one to feel an obligation to continually entertain my friends because if they're my friends before I began entertaining them than they'll still be my friends regardless. But there are so many people which I have observed which will pay a higher premium for furnishings because it has fancier wood trimming around it and than they won't even use it.

I have been in many Asian American households, and noticed that there are a lot of households where they will purchase lovely pieces of sofas and love seats and leave a plastic wrap around the furniture like it hasn't even come out of the box yet. I mean I am sure the idea was to show off the furniture and let the guest revel in the luxuriousness of such lovely decor and everything, but what good is furniture you don't use or that you leave wrapped in the original packaging?

I know not everyone pays on credit but yeah at the same time you could have saved that money you actually had and used it on something more useful like next months groceries or keep it to fund your own retirement. Unused furniture no matter how flawless they are don't carry much salvage value if resold.

<blockquote>In this country (an many others), people live far away from their families due to their careers. In some areas of the country housing is affordable, so it doesn’t make as much fiscal sense to share a home. But mostly, I doubt this would work because we have experienced a cultural shift from those countries referred to in the article.</blockquote>
+1 elliemae. I left Oklahoma for California to pursue work. It was a very traumatic experience for me but I grew up a lot being on my own. Always having “Mom and Dad” close by to bail you out every time you screw up isn’t that healthy either.
I too have moved out of state (and it wasn't to a cheap state either, it was to Washington, albeit my originating state had a higher cost of living California) and in the process feel that I have had to grow up a lot and become VERY much responsible for my own financial well being. I have not once asked for assistance money from my parents, and have a few times throughout the year tried to provide them some financial assistance as well whenever possible. I have yet to fall off my feet and hope that it remains that way but not to gloat too much, it wasn't easy to stay this way. My methods weren't lavish by any means, but it is how it keeps me afloat. Smart savings, less spending on unnecessary luxuries, working and making sure my bills were always paid without late fees and such, a lot of money is taken off the table to fees and penalties.

I love mine too TPB. My MIL treats me like the daughter she never had. I really consider her more like a good friend. Older generations have so much to offer us especially if you're into backstories and history.

But there are the families that are more toxic than supportive. And then distance is a good thing.

Mdovell, I found your commentary on the entertainment value of a home very interesting and have caught myself in that same trap when house hunting. The irony is we entertained so much more in the teeny places we owned. Taking care of the larger places just takes up so much of our time. Of course, the kids are older now and going to all their extracurricular activities and playdates is a huge time allotment. We could downsize but I get stuck in the thought that in our 50s some of my friend's homes are already twice the size of our last home. Would they want to visit me in the small one or would they feel claustrophobic? I already have one friend w/four kids that insists we stay at her uber sized home so her kids can all have their individual areas away from the adults w/their favorite electronics diversion if necessary. There are some nice smaller homes we've walked away from due to this fear.

I, too, had an awesome m-i-l. We stayed in touch until she died and she was an awesome woman and a wonderful grandmother. A scholar in her own right. All those mother-in-law stories are just that - stories.

All of the teevee shows about house selling & buying on HGTV/DIY tend to focus on entertaining, not necessary living space. Seems like that's important to some people. I believe that it's more the people, not the home, that makes it party friendly.

Multiple generations under one roof are a good idea, but our culture currently doesn't support it. We're selfish and want our own stuff. But if we can't pay our bills, we move back home. (?) It seems to have a negative connotation.

Parents should argue in front of the kids - and they should show the kiddies that disagreements are part of life. You know, verbal disagreements, not knock-down/drag-outs with name calling & such. The only way kids can see that it's okay to argue but not to degrade the other person is by example.

I don't believe that people should stay together for the sake of the kids, per se. If that's the only reason they're together, that's pretty destructive. But people are too ready to throw in the towel over stupid crap. I don't buy that juvenile delinquents are created when people stay together for the children. Juvenile delinquency & behaviors happen for many reasons and it's too simplistic to say that it's the parent's fault and all they should have done is split up.

Before a family is dissolved, counseling should be mandatory. And parents should do their best to remain in the same area so that the children can continue daily contact with both parents. It should be illegal for parents to move away and take the children out of state - unless the other spouse moves to the same area, it's wrong to take kids away from their parents and expect them to be emotionally healthy. This should be the same whether they live with mom or with dad.

But multiple generations under one roof probably cut back on delinquency. All those people watching the kids and giving support.